


The Reconstruction of a Heart

by IzzySamson



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/M, widowed Katniss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-17
Updated: 2015-05-29
Packaged: 2018-02-05 01:45:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 46,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1800889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IzzySamson/pseuds/IzzySamson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Civil War is over and has left the country in ruins, just as Katniss's life was. The young widow had the weight of the world on her shoulders. She had a farm to run and a family to raise all on her own. Help arrives in the form of her late husband's comrade, Peeta Mellark. Can they help heal each other or will Katniss make good on her promise to never love and marry again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. part 1

 

**The Reconstruction of a Heart**

**Katniss**

**May, 1865**

"Whoa Claudius, whoa Caesar," Katniss commanded the two red oxen ahead of her. She pushed back her straw hat, dabbed her brow with her sleeve, and took a drink of water from the little canteen around her neck. The spring day was pleasant, but the work was hard; plowing the soil was punishing work. Looking at the angry red marks forming on her palms, she wished that she'd worn gloves.

She was exhausted. It was early afternoon and her body already ached. It was hard work for someone so small, especially in a newly cleared field. She was constantly running into old tree roots and large rocks, and it was very slow going. The property had over one hundred acres, but more than seventy of it was covered with woods; another twenty were pasture. The ten acres that were tillable ground was rocky, hilly, and mostly clay soil—muddy with at least a little bit of rain and hard as a brick in the summer sun.

Fourteen-year-old Vick had offered to do it this morning, but Katniss insisted that he go to school; she'd promised Hazelle that he would get a good education.

She dismissed the hired man, Mr. Cray, a month ago when she caught him peeking in her window late at middle-aged man tried to smooth things over by proposing marriage, to which she responded by threatening him with a pistol. As he packed his things to leave he yelled at her, "Marrying me is the best thing that a barren, plain widow like you could hope for."

The memory still made her roll her eyes. Even if she wanted to marry again (which she had no plans to), the pudgy, lazy, frequent whorehouse patron, Mr. Cray, would be her last choice.

The worst part about having no hired man, besides being left with much of the hard labor, was that the family appeared vulnerable to the outside world, a house full of women and children on a remote farm.

Katniss scanned the landscape around her and sighed; it was all so overwhelming. She had a lot of work to do if she was going to get the entire half-acre done today.

A man on horseback in the horizon caught her attention; she remembered the knife in her pants pocket and felt a little sense of security. These were odd times; the war had recently ended and strange people were wondering the countryside—former slaves, displaced families, and soldiers who now had no cause. Everyone was still in shock after the assassination of President Lincoln just a few weeks ago.

Her neighbor, Mr. Abernathy, had pleaded with her to get another hired man after the incident with Mr. Cray; he thought that she needed a grown man around. Even if they could afford help, which they really couldn't, she was leery to hire anyone. She'd heard enough horror stories of hired men raping and robbing to make her apprehensive. Katniss would not allow anyone around her family that she did not wholly trust.

The mounted figure rode closer. She pretended to ignore him and began to drive her oxen again. The man came to the edge of the field, dismounted, and approached her.

"Excuse me, sir?" he called out in a friendly tone from behind her. "Can you tell me if I'm near the town of Seam or the Hawthorne farm?"

"Whoa," she called out to the oxen then threw her long, thick braid over her shoulder and onto her back.

"I apologize, ma'am. I just saw the trousers and assumed that you were a man." She could heard the regret in his voice.

"It's next to impossible to plow in a skirt," she retorted and turned to the newcomer. Katniss had more smart comments for the man, but she forgot them when she saw him. He had a short, ash-colored beard and was in a Union uniform; the wool material made his eyes seem so intensely blue that it put the spring sky to shame.

They stared at each other for a long moment. Finally the soldier had an expression of recognition and whispered, "Katniss?"

"How do you know my name?" she scowled and moved her hand to her hip, closer to her knife, as useless as it seemed now. The man appeared to be full head taller than her.

"I-I I'm sorry please forgive me, Mrs. Hawthorne," he stuttered sincerely and his face flushed. "It's just that Gale showed me your picture so many times and spoke about you in such a way that I feel like I know you. I should have seen that it was you right away. I've come here to find you."

Katniss was stunned; she didn't know if she was more angry or upset. "Who are you?" she demanded.

"My name is Peeta Mellark, ma'am," he said and took off his hat, revealing a thick mop of wavy blond hair. "I was a friend of your late husband."

"Oh," she whispered. The name was familiar—it should have been, as he personally paid to have Gale's body sent home to them. Thanks to this man, her husband's body laid with his mother, in the family plot, and not in a sea of headstones hundreds of miles away in Tennessee.

Sometimes when Gale would send them a letter, he would include a picture drawn by Mr. Mellark; they now resided on the walls of her home. In fact, the last likeness she possessed of her husband had been by the hand of the man before her. "Petty Officer Mellark, it is a pleasure to finally meet you."

"Actually, it is Lieutenant Mellark…or it was," the man said humbly. It occurred to Katniss that he had been promoted to Gale's post after his death. He shared, "Although, now I would like to be simply Mr. Mellark again. I would like to leave the past behind me."

Katniss found it hard to believe that this man was currently in her presence. He had written her and the family a letter informing them that Gale had died. Of course they had already known that Lt. Gale Hawthorne had met his demise the previous November at the Battle of Franklin, but there were no real details in the government telegram—and no comfort.

Mr. Mellark's letter chronicled Gale's final moments: he had taken a musket ball to the chest and had known that it was a mortal wound. Gale had called for Mr. Mellark and had told him to repeat his words to his family, _"Tell them all that I love them and that if God sees it fit, we will all be together again."_

Even when Katniss, who was very rarely moved by words, read the letter, she was reassured by the commiseration offered by the unknown man who had been her husband's friend and comrade.

"Thank you, Mr. Mellark," she said softly. "Both for what you did and for the letter. It was especially comforting to Gale's younger siblings. You explained things better than I ever could have."

"Gale was a good man," he said, and Katniss thought that she could hear his voice crack. "He deserved to be near his family."

"Would you like to come to the house?" she offered. Katniss hated to stop her work, but this man was worthy of her hospitality; in fact, he deserved it.

"That would be very nice," he said with the smallest of smiles. Katniss detached the draft animals from the plow, and was about to drive the animals to the barn when Mr. Mellark reached his hand out. "Please, let me take them?"

Before she could say 'no,' his hand brushed hers as he took the reins from her hand, and she felt a rush of warmth. She decided that it was because he'd touched the raw spot on her palm. "Point the way."

She was going to ask about his horse, but Mr. Mellark called, "Come, Demeter," and the Palomino mare trotted after them.

Katniss led him to the barn; she noticed that Mr. Mellark had slight limp and she remembered Gale writing to say that he'd been shot in the leg earlier in the war.

He took the yolk off the animals. Katniss took note that he did not appear to know what he was doing exactly. When he completed the task, he said, "This is a nice farm. I feel as if I've been here before. Gale used to tell me about this place so often; he really loved it here."

Katniss felt a bit of long withheld resentment rise up, and she couldn't bite her tongue before she replied in a low tone, "He didn't love it all that much. He had no problem leaving, time and again."

The blond-haired man gave pause; he obviously knew that he'd touched a nerve and chose not to pursue the subject further.

She led the man to the family's small house, and she felt a little ashamed of home's state of disarray. Prim used to be the primary house keeper but she had been offered a teaching position by the Seam school board, male school teachers were in short supply due to the war and teaching farmers' kids in a log school house was not a position most people wanted anyhow. Prim was known to be smart, good with children, and well-liked by everyone. She jumped at the opportunity and became the first ever female school teacher in Seam.

With Prim teaching and Katniss working on the farm, there was little time to keep house. Posy's dolls were scattered, Prim's knitting was on the rocking chair, and Vick's animal traps were on the floor.

"I'm sorry for the mess. I've been busy elsewhere."

"No, it is very…homey," he smiled. "It's been ages since I've been in a family house. I'm so used to tents now I feel like some sort of nomad."

Katniss made tea and laid out some bread and cheese for them to eat. She handed her guest a steaming cup. "I would offer you some sugar, but we are all out. I have to go to town."

"That's fine. I don't take it anyhow," he said kindly and took a sip. "I must apologize for my appearance; I had planned to stop for a bath and a shave in Seam before I got here."

"You can take a bath later. We have a large tub. I believe that there is a shaving kit here somewhere."

His comment got her thinking about her own state of dress, and she excused herself to go change. In her little closet was her scant wardrobe to wear for company. But her current choice was more limited, being a new widow: her black wool dress and her black cotton dress. Given the temperate weather, she chose the lighter of the two. She re-braided her hair and wrapped it into a low bun. Usually she didn't care about how she appeared, but something about this man made her care; she wanted him to have a good impression of her.

When she came back into the kitchen, Mr. Mellark's eyes went wide when he observed her change in dress, he must have approved. She was burning with curiosity and was never one to beat around the bush. "So Mr. Mellark, may I ask what made you want to visit us here in Seam. As I recall, you come from Merchantcenter. We are hardly on your way home from Virginia."

"I have a promise to keep," he said simply.

"A promise?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Yes," he affirmed. He set down the cup and looked at her soberly. "I promised Gale that I would come and help his family when I was released from the army."

Katniss felt her face flame; she gritted her teeth and said evenly, "We don't need any help, we are getting along fine."

The man gave her a humored grin. "Gale said that you would say that and told me to tell you 'I owe  _him._ ' You see, Gale always looked out for me. In fact, he saved my leg. The surgeon was ready to hack it off. Gale wouldn't allow it; he threatened the doctor…he is the only reason that I am able to walk today. The least I can do us help his widow and his family. He said that you must let me pay you the debt I owe him."

"You have paid your debt already. If anything, I owe you," she reminded him. "You sent Gale's remains home to us, and I have been trying to save the money to repay you. I know how costly it must have been. Anyhow, I'm sure that you have people who love and need you."

"Nobody needs me." Mr. Mellark gave her a sad smile.

"I can't let you do it, Mr. Mellark," she insisted.

Mr. Mellark seemed to be rolling an idea around in his head; then he offered a compromise, "If you feel that you owe me, then pay it by allowing me to stay for a while. You see, I have nowhere else to go and no prospects at the moment. I think some time in the country would do me some good. Let me stay at least through harvest, and then I will consider us even."

Katniss bit down on her lower lip so hard that it nearly drew blood. She thought about it; it could be the solution that she was looking for. But she hated looking to an outsider for help. If Rory hadn't of have left they wouldn't be in need of help, but with the war over, hopefully he would be back by year's end…if he hadn't inherited the wanderlust that seemed to run so strong in the Hawthorne men.

"I'll have to think over it, but you are welcome to stay a few days," she said and looked out the window. She saw her sister and her young brother-in-law and sister-in-law walking up the lane. She looked at the clock on the mantel and cursed under her breath that it was so late. She'd wanted to get so much more done today. Katniss sighed and informed her guest, "You're about to meet the family."

Posy burst through the door first. "Katniss, where did that pretty horse come from?"

Katniss waited for the other two come into the door before she made the introductions. Prim made a lady-like curtsy, and Katniss didn't miss the subtle blush her sister had when she shook Mr. Mellark's hand. Vick looked at the man curiously and almost instantly started asking about the war. Katniss hushed him with a severe look—war was not a topic that she liked to hear about. Posy looked at the guest with an awed face, and for once she was actually seen and not heard, which was totally out of her nature.

He invited the group to call him Peeta, if they liked.

"That's an odd name," Vick said.

"Vick, don't be rude," Prim nudged him.

Peeta laughed heartily."That it is. It's Dutch for Peter. My father was from Holland. I feel as if I know you all so well. Gale spoke of you all so often that it's like I know you all better than my own kin. Anyhow, hearing my surname all the time still makes me feel like I'm still in the ranks. I know it sounds funny, but I prefer it to Mr. Mellark. I am only 22, after all."

That struck Katniss.  _He is my age but he looks much older._

Katniss reminded the children that there were chores to do. Posy hung back and eyed Mr. Mellark and then asked in a whisper, "What is your horse's name?"

"Her name is Demeter," he said with a little bit of pride. "I named her after the Greek goddess of the harvest and grain."

"I like that," Posy grinned. "Can I feed her?"

Mr. Mellark looked at Katniss, as if to ask permission. She cleared her throat. "Posy, there are some oats in the barn. Have Vick help you and tell him to take the saddle off and put her in the corral. Mr. Mellark will be staying with us for a while."

The little girl nodded her head happily and ran out the door. When she was alone with Peeta again, the room was silent.

"Thank you for letting me stay," he said sincerely.

"Well I haven't made up my mind about letting you help," she said with a bit of authority.

He smiled. "That is a start."

Katniss set about making dinner. She thought that their guest was worthy of the last ham in the cellar, biscuits, young potatoes, and salad. When she set about making the dough, Peeta stopped her.

"That is far too much baking powder."

"Oh, I thought that you were a Lieutenant, not a cook," she said sarcastically. Then she immediately felt bad for speaking to him thusly. She was so used to doing things her way and having to defend herself to most every man she came across.

"I was," he conceded and seemed amused, not offended. "But I also grew up in a bakery." He rose from his chair and then came to the table. "Why don't you let me do this, and you can work on something else."

She wanted to stand her ground, but he'd been amiable despite her recurring rudeness. Everyone complained about her baking anyhow. She backed away from the bowl and motioned to it to invite him to proceed. He grinned at her, and she bit her cheek to keep from returning it.

Peeta started to work with a purpose. After a few minutes, he asked, "Mrs. Hawthorne?"

Katniss cut him off. "Peeta, if you are going to be called by your Christian name in this house then I ask that you do the same. I cannot be called Mrs. Hawthorne without thinking about my late mother-in-law. She is still missed dearly in this home and I am nowhere near her equal."

"Alright, Katniss." He said her name as if were a delicious dish. It sent the strangest sensation down her spine. "I hate to intrude, but if I'm not mistaken, Gale had another brother, Rory. May I ask where he is?"

Without taking her eyes off her work, she answered, "Rory and I had a difference of opinion last winter, and he left us to join the Army as soon as he turned eighteen."

"I am sorry that he did that; it was not right to leave."

"That is what Hawthorne men are known for…leaving," she said matter-of-factly. "My uncle left his family a few weeks before Posy was born, supposedly to go prospecting, and he was never heard from again. Gale left as soon as he could; the war was just a more noble excuse than his father's. Rory was not given permission to do what he pleased, so he ran away."

That was the last of the conversation before dinner. When Vick and Posy came back in, they swarmed Peeta, who seemed to oblige their attentions. Prim was very polite to him, making up for some of Katniss's curtness. They all raved about the biscuits. Katniss could see that the children were intrigued with Peeta.

After dinner, the girls did the dishes and Vick showed Peeta around the farm. Katniss made her own bed for their guest in the small downstairs bedroom. When Peeta came back in the house, Katniss shooed the girls upstairs to get to bed and had Vick help her get out the tub and fill it with hot water.

When it was filled, she also sent Vick upstairs.

Katniss set up the small privacy screen. "Here you go."

"Thank you, Katniss," he said earnestly as he admired the rudimentary screen and then went behind it. "The screen is nice."

She rolled her eyes. "That awful thing? Hazelle had Gale make it after we were married, although he was no craftsman. It was necessary, combining two families and having boys and girls of the same age together in a small house."

"I bet," Peeta said, and she could hear the water slosh. "I had two brothers so that was never a worry in my house."

As she tried to locate the shaving kit, she responded, "Living in a house full of boys was a shock when Prim and I moved in." It struck her as odd that she was having a conversation with a naked man who she barely knew, but it didn't seem to bother him.

She found the kit and began to sharpen the blade; it had been ages since it had been used. In fact, it had been the last time Gale was home…almost a year ago. She shook her head to forget. The last time she'd seen her husband alive they'd fought bitterly. Although they'd made up before he left, she hadn't totally forgiven him. She regretted that.

By the time Peeta had gotten out the bath and into his civilian clothes, the shaving kit and soap were waiting for him on the table. He lathered up his face and picked up the broken hand-mirror. She watched as he struggled to shave "Would you like me to hold the mirror for you?"

He smiled sheepishly, "I don't think it will help. I can't really see too much in it."

"I suppose you're right," she agreed. "Posy broke it when she was a toddler. If you're not used to looking at it, it would be hard to figure out what you're doing."

Peeta tried to shave blind and almost instantly he flinched when nicked himself.

"Let me," Katniss said and stood then took the razor from his hand. "Although I can't promise that I'll be any better. I haven't done this in years."

"For Gale?" he wondered aloud.

"No, he couldn't grow too much of a beard; at least not when we first got married," she recalled. "My pa used to let me shave him. He'd grow a beard for the winter and then he cut it off in the spring. I liked it; it was like shearing a sheep."

He chuckled lightly and she could feel his breath on her hand as she shaved him – it gave her goose bumps. It had been so long since she'd been this close to a man, a real grown man.

She carefully shaved him and took notice of how fair his skin was. She bet that he would burn before June, and couldn't help but wonder if he would turn golden or ruddy in the sun. Soon she was done, and she found herself staring at him. She had not expected him to look so altered without whiskers, but he had a very boyish face. Finally she whispered, "There you go, all done."

He ran his hand over his jaw. "Thanks, it feels much better."

Katniss began to clean up, scooping buckets of water out of the tub.

Peeta stopped her and took the buckets from her. "Please let me."

He lifted the load with ease and dumped the water off the porch. When all was set right, Katniss showed him the room in which he'd be staying - her room.

"Katniss, I can't displace you. Please, just let me sleep in the barn. Isn't that where your hired man lived?"

"Yes, but I burned the bed after Mr. Cray left. Anyhow you are not a hired man, you are my guest," she reminded him. "There is plenty of room in Prim and Posy's bed. I don't usually sleep much." She internally scolded herself; she'd shared too much information—not just now, but all evening long. "Good night, Peeta."

She turned on her heel before he could reply. When she got to the girls' room, they were in bed, Posy's arms and legs were splayed out. Katniss stripped down to her chemise and pushed her little sister-in-law over so she could lie down. Posy was sound asleep and didn't even flinch.

When Katniss settled in, Prim rolled over and whispered over the little girl's head, "So that is Peeta Mellark? I was expecting some little bookish fellow with spectacles."

Katniss understood what Prim was talking about, although she had never really thought much about who Mr. Mellark was, other than a very kind man who'd done them a great service. To her, he was simply a character mentioned sometimes in Gale's letters, which were always brief and lacked flowery descriptions. But she never expected the sturdy young man who happened upon her today.

Prim continued, "I always imagined Petty Officer Mellark to be like our old schoolmaster, Mr. Crane: a fancy man with small hands and talented with words because he lacked physical strength. I never expected him to be so…massive. Granted, he's not as tall as Ga-," Prim quickly corrected herself, knowing that Gale could be a sore subject. "I mean he's not as tall as Rory, but he is broad. I'm sure that he must be nearly as strong as Mr. Abernathy's man, Thresh."

Gale had often written of Peeta's ability to sweet-talk higher ranking officers into better rations and how he even once talked a wounded Confederate soldier out of shooting himself. Usually men of strength were not men of words—at least it had been true in Katniss's experience, which was very limited; she'd never been further than ten miles in any direction.

"Primrose Everdeen, do you need to write Rory and tell him that the engagement is off?" Katniss challenged playfully.

Prim gasped, "No!" then giggled girlishly. "I was just thinking that he seems like a very fine man."

"Whom we only just met!" Katniss hissed to her sister. She knew what Prim was implying: that he was a fine man for her. Her sister was the only person who she confided in that she and Gale fought frequently when they were alone and how discontented she'd been after he had left the last time. Prim was always reminding Katniss that she was young and could very possibly find love again, Katniss scoffed at the idea.

"Yes, but Gale never would have asked him to come and help us if he weren't trustworthy." Prim said earnestly.

' _It would have been one of the few times Gale thought of us_ ,' Katniss thought bitterly. She would not dare say it aloud; she would not bash Gale to his family. His sister lay next to Katniss and his brother just on the other side of the thin wall, and Prim had loved Gale as a brother too.

Katniss finally mustered a reply, "Perhaps. Now you need to get some sleep. You have school to teach in the morning."

The sisters said their goodnights, and soon Prim was snoring lightly. Katniss liked times like this; it was like the old days, she and Prim whispering in bed. It reminded her of her more carefree days.

A few months ago she wondered if her sister was ever going to speak to her again. The disagreement that Katniss had with Rory centered on Prim. After receiving the news of his brother's death, Rory announced that he was going to join the war effort the first chance he got. Katniss could not stop him, although she couldn't stop him from joining the army she could stop him from following through with his other plans: to marry Prim. The young sweethearts told her that they wanted to marry before Rory's birthday. Katniss would not give her blessing; she didn't want her sister to go through what she had as young wife to an absent husband. While Prim heeded her sister, she was not happy with Katniss. For weeks after Rory left, Prim would not speak to Katniss other than in one-word replies.

Katniss lay on her back and tried to find some sleep herself, but her mind was abuzz. She thought about their guest. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw his blue ones.

She reminded herself of the promise she made when she got the telegram telling her that she was a widow:  _I will never get married again._

**Peeta**

"Not like that," Katniss sighed and then shook out the newly-cut long grass. "The hay will never dry all clumped up. It has to be spread out or it will mold." She showed Peeta the proper way to cut the hay. When she handed him back the scythe, she rolled her eyes, "I can't believe that you convinced me to let you stay and help."

"I said that I could be a help," he said honestly. "I never promised that I'd be  _good_ help." She gave him one of her rare smiles; her nose crinkled slightly and her eyes twinkled. He knew that smile well now and felt blessed whenever he got it.

A month ago he had finally talked Katniss into letting him stay until fall. He cited that really she was down two workers with Rory gone and no hired man. The town-raised Peeta promised that he was a quick learner and very strong. After Prim and Vick argued on his behalf, Katniss caved.

Peeta found that he liked the farm. It was a new and interesting. The cow and the goats got milked twice a day, the hogs were slopped, and the eggs were collected each morning and evening. It kept him busy and the routine gave him something to concentrate on. The war was never far from his mind, and every Confederate he killed still haunted his dreams. Every night he had nightmares and sometimes during the day he would feel like he was suffocating for no apparent reason at all.

They were alone today, although the children were out of school for the summer. Prim and Posy were calling on a neighbor lady, Mrs. Odair, and Vick was hunting. Peeta enjoyed being alone with Katniss, especially when they were outside. She seemed freer outside and her smiles came easier.

When he came to the Hawthorne farm six weeks ago, he naively thought that he already knew his friend's family and wife. Most of them were exactly how he imagined them to be.

Prim was pleasant and kind-hearted. Vick was bright but quiet. Posy was sweet and chatty.

The only one who'd surprised Peeta, the one he'd been the most curious about since he and Gale became had become friends, was Katniss.

Peeta had spent his life watching people and was an authority on them. He was able to sense the subtle cues that most others missed. He knew when a man was truly full of himself or when he was overcompensating. He could tell when a woman was really taken by a man as opposed to obliging to him because of his wealth or status.

But he was at a total loss with Katniss. He could never tell what was going on in her head. She was an enigma in the best possible way, and she kept his mind off his problems. He admired her, more so than a man should for his comrade's widow. He didn't want to care so much for her; in fact the entire ride from Virginia to Ohio he had promised himself that would not covet her—no matter what.

Even when Katniss Everdeen Hawthorne was nothing but a tin-type image and story, he had been enchanted by the thought of her. She was nothing like any woman he'd ever known. The thought of a woman who bore no resemblance to his former sweetheart Delly Cartwright was a welcome one.

When Peeta first met him, Gale had always been eager to talk about his wife, especially on long cold winter nights in their tent. He had told Peeta about his cousin and neighbor who had become became his bride. Gale had spoken highly of his wife, although Peeta got the impression that she was as much his friend as a lover.

While other soldiers spoke of how their women could sew samplers, play piano, cook, how they would spend hours arranging their hair and putting on petty coats. Gale bragged over how his wife was the best shot in the county, could skin a buck proficiently, run the small farm as well as any man, and how she was prettier with a simple braid and apron that most women were in curls and silk.

Peeta never knew that such a woman existed, and he liked the idea of someone who was the nothing like any other woman he'd known, although sometime she thought that Gale had been exaggerating about all the fine qualities his wife possessed.

But now that he saw her in person he knew that she was all of those things and more. She protected those she loved fiercely, and had a sharp tongue but a good heart.

Peeta was impressed with her in every way, but there something that struck him as odd. Katniss did not seem like the grieving widow that he'd expected to find. If anything, she seemed to him as being more angry at Gale rather than sad about his passing. Peeta reminded himself that Gale had been dead for months and she had not even seen her husband for a long time before he passed. She never said anything disparaging about Gale while around his siblings, but it was little comments here and when it was just her and him—like that first day when she commented that Gale had no problem leaving time and again.

He found that he liked working with Katniss and watching her when she wasn't looking. She was small but strong and confident. When she thought he couldn't hear or that he wasn't paying attention, she would hum a song. He wasn't sure what the tune was, but he thought that it sounded pretty. They soon were done with hayfield, and they made their way back to the farm. When they were alone, they didn't talk much but there seemed to be a measure of comfort between them.

"I wonder who that is?" Katniss said when they heard the familiar sound of a horse and cart. When they came around the bend they saw Katniss's nearest neighbor, Haymitch Abernathy, in front of the house. He was a frequent guest at the Hawthorne home, and Peeta had gotten to know him well.

At first Peeta wondered if the gruff widower was there to court Katniss, but the idea was soon dashed. The pair was more like an uncle and a niece, trading banter and knowing looks. The older man seemed suspicious of Peeta but then warmed up to him when he found out that he could play chess and knew how to make beer.

"Sweetheart, Dutch boy," he greeted from the seat of his cart. "I just came from Seam. I got your mail for you."

"Why don't you come inside, and I'll make you a cup of coffee?" Katniss offered.

"I don't mind if I do," Haymitch replied.

In the house Katniss put the water to boil and began to cut up a loaf of bread. Haymitch eyed it wearily. Katniss shook her head. "It's safe. I didn't make it, Peeta did."

"Oh, in that case I'll take a piece." He took a bite and the man's eyes went wide, "Well, boy you may not be the best farmhand but you're a hell of a domestic servant. You might be a better cook than Seeder, but don't tell her I said that." After he ate his slice, Haymitch announced, "I'm going to have some visitors next week."

"Oh, really," Katniss questioned as she gathered tin mugs. "Who is that?"

"My niece Madge and Miss Trinket."

Peeta noticed her lips made a thin line, but she quickly collected herself. "Miss Trinket is still with the Undersees? Madge is my age; I'd think that she would be well past needing a governess."

"They call her a  _companion_  now," Haymitch said in a haughty voice, making Katniss smirk. "It keeps her parents from actually having to do their job. According to the letter from my sister-in-law, Madge is looking ill and needs some time in the fresh country air. Anyhow I'm inviting you and the family and the boy over for dinner while they're here to visit."

"Haymitch, I'm not sure that is a good idea," Katniss said hesitantly.

"I'm sure that Madge has gotten over that quarrel you two had," he assured her. "It was over five years ago and the cause of it is gone now. You two ought to be friends again…neither one of you have too many."

"I don't need them," she said coldly. "Peeta, I'm going to check on Lady. Could you entertain Haymitch?" Katniss didn't really stop for a reply. She just headed for the door.

"Alright," Peeta said for her to hear.

"You both cared about him!" Haymitch called after her. "Damned moody woman," Haymitch said under his breath when she was out of earshot. "Is she like that all the time?!"

Peeta thought for a moment and then replied, "Only when Gale is mentioned."

"That boy put her through it," Haymitch commented. "I know that Hawthorne was your friend and I mean no disrespect. But he wasn't much of a husband. They were too young and got married for the wrong reasons."

Peeta wanted to hear more; he'd tried to glean information whenever he could. Gale was rarely mentioned in the house and Katniss instantly tried to change the subject

"I always got the impression that Gale loved her very much," Peeta said in defense of his late friend.

"They did, but it takes a lot more than love to make a marriage," Haymitch explained. "They were thick as thieves as kids. They relied on each other. When Mrs. Everdeen died in the house fire, the girls needed a place to stay. They could have lived with the Hawthornes, and no one would have thought anything of it, since they were kin and all. But Gale convinced Katniss that getting married was the perfect solution. She trusted him, so she did it."

'When the war started, Gale was the first to volunteer. Katniss was not pleased. Hazelle, his mother, was sick, and there were four children in the house. Hazelle convinced her to let him go. That was back when the war was going to last a few months…you know how that turned out. When it came time to sign back up, Katniss asked him not to. He did anyhow, and they just grew farther and farther apart while she was stuck here, watching Hazelle die, raising kids, and keeping everything together. And he was off, in the wider world having adventures and living his childhood dreams."

Peeta gritted his teeth. "The war was not an 'adventure'."

"Gale signed up for it. Katniss did not and she had to deal with the decisions that he made. My sympathies are with her, especially after the baby."

Peeta froze. "The baby?"

"Ah, something that you didn't know about?" Haymitch questioned. "If you want to know details, you'll have to ask someone else…I don't have the heart to talk about it."

Peeta, for once, was speechless. He had just gotten a lot of information that he could not process at the moment. He knew that Gale was far from perfect husband, although he thought it was for an entirely different reason. But it was easy to forgive someone their faults and misdeeds after they were dead.

Haymitch finished his cup of coffee and showed himself to the door. He looked over his shoulder. "You may want to go find her…she hides in the barn when she is upset. You ought to get her out before the kids get home. I would get her, but she's cross with me."

The men said their goodbyes and then Peeta thought about what Haymitch had told him. He tried to remember every conversation that he and Gale had, and he had never once mentioned a baby or a lost pregnancy.

He looked around the house and thought about a teenage Katniss left by her husband to deal with everything, the only able-bodied adult in the home. Peeta never realized until the last few weeks how much it took to run a home and a farm. From dawn to well past dark, it was all that Katniss did. She had no hobbies or pastimes; she was always doing something for the family. His already considerable admiration for Katniss had only grown.

Peeta walked out to the barn. Katniss was sitting in the corner of an animal stall, and the ancient nanny goat, Lady, rested her head in Katniss's lap. All the other livestock on the farm were out on pasture, but Lady was too feeble to join them. The animal had seen better days and even Peeta knew that it was only a matter of time before she died.

Katniss looked so despondent—finally she looked liked the saddened woman that Peeta thought he would find. The sight broke his heart. She was in a black skirt and a dingy cotton shirt. He longed to see her in a more colorful wardrobe. He imagined that she would look sweet in lavender, stunning in red, but most often he thought about how she would look in his favorite color, sunset orange, and how it would play against her olive skin, glossy black hair, and silver-grey eyes.

"Has Haymitch left yet?" she asked, startling Peeta from his daydream.

"Yes," Peeta replied and came over to where she sat and took a seat next to her and began to pet the goat too."She must be old."

"She is…poor Lady," she whispered. "Her spirit wants to live, but her body wants to give up. Even Prim has said that she ought to be put down, but I can't do it. Gale and I got her for Prim's tenth birthday. We traded the goat herder on the other side of town for her, for a buck's skin. He drove a hard bargain, but finally Gale pointed out that she was lame with foot rot and the man gave in. Gale carried her all the way from the other side of town to my house. I think he just wanted to see Prim's face when she got her."

A single tear slid down her face. "That is the Gale, I miss. The boy I hunted with in the woods, and who would carry a blasted goat three miles just to see my sister's joy. For some silly reason, I feel like when this stupid goat dies that I'll lose my connection to my best friend."

Peeta wanted to wipe the tear off her cheek and hold her, but he didn't know if it was proper or even would be welcomed by her. He wanted to comfort her and to tell her that everything would be alright. But how could he when he didn't know that himself?

Instead his hand reached for hers; she gave it a little squeeze and looked in his eyes and appeared at ease with the action. Peeta never allowed himself to think about how comely she was; it was a line that he didn't want to cross—although at the moment he couldn't stop himself.

Katniss would not be considered a beauty by the modern standard, but he thought her more appealing than any other woman he'd ever met. She was not the plump, alabaster-skinned, soft-handed lady that he'd been told since childhood would be his ideal wife. But when he looked at Katniss he couldn't help but to be reminded of the Song of Solomon: a beautiful girl who was dark-skinned and strong because she was forced to work in the fields. In his imagination, she was akin to the storied beauties of the Old Testament. Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Ester now all looked very much Katniss in his mind.

Something suddenly changed between them; the air around him was thick with tension. Katniss looked up at him with hungry eyes and parted lips. A sudden and strong desire to join his mouth to hers overtook him. He was just about to give in to his baser instinct, when he heard a pair of female voices approaching them.

Katniss's cheeks flared and she quickly got up and left the barn before Peeta could even think of how to respond. He took a moment to think about what nearly transpired between them.  _Would she be able to love again? Could she accept me as a suitor?_

He shook his head and tried to reason with himself. Peeta had promised that he would not covet her, but she didn't belong to any living man. Her husband was dead and so she was as free as any unmarried woman.

He walked out of the barn and approached the sisters, Posy was telling Katniss something very exciting. Before he came close enough to hear, a loud gunshot rang out.

"Get down!" he screamed to the girls and hit the dirt. Peeta panicked and that familiar suffocating feeling took over him and he began to shake violently.

The next thing he was aware of was Katniss hovering over him. "Peeta, Peeta you are fine," she said in a frightened voice.

"Get down, the Rebs are coming," he insisted and forcefully pulled her down on top of him.

"Peeta," she whispered and tightly gripped his shoulders. "It's not real, you're here on the Hawthorne farm….There aren't any Confederates here. Just us."

He couldn't believe her. They stared at each other for many long moments and then she began to sing. It was the song that he so often caught her humming. It was about daisies and grass and other lovely things although Peeta couldn't concentrate on the words, but he listened to her voice and watched her lips move. The song ended with the line,  _"Here is the place where I love you."_

Finally he was able to take deep breaths and he calmed down, released Katniss from his grip, and became aware of reality. She stood and then offered him her hand to help him to sit up.

"Prim, help me," Katniss called to her sister. The two women helped him to stand and each took an arm around their shoulders and led him to house and into his bed.

Katniss murmured something to her sister and the blonde disappeared from the room. She began to pull off his boots and set his legs on the bed.

"Katniss I'm so sorry," he said sincerely. "I've never had an episode that bad before… It was so real. If you want me to leave—."

She cut him off, "Shh, of course I don't want you to go. I know that these things can sometimes happen. You know my neighbor, Mr. Odair?" Peeta shook his head and she continued, "He has them sometimes and he has been out of the service more than three years. He is better now, although when he first came back, Annie, his wife, said that he had nightmares every night."

"I'm so tired," Peeta sighed and settled his head into the pillow. "I liked that song."

Katniss gave him a little smile, "My pa thought it up. The man could just barely read and write, but he could make up the prettiest songs. I used to sing to the children at bedtime. Posy had terrible nightmares after her mama died, so I would sing it to her when she would wake."

"You should sing more often," he told her in a whisper and closed his eyes. "Your voice is so pretty."

Katniss did not respond, but covered him with a quilt. "Get some rest now, I'll check on you at dinner."

Peeta nodded sleepily and heard the door close and knew that he was alone in the room. He felt defeated. In one moment he convinced himself that he could be what Katniss needed and wanted. Then in the next he proved that he wasn't.

_The last thing Katniss needs is one more burden._

**Katniss**

Katniss tossed and turned and tried to find a comfortable position, but she couldn't find any; she was too wound up. The room was hot and there were too many bodies in the bed. She loved her sisters but sleeping with them every night was getting tiresome.

She longed to be back in  _her_  bed for several reasons, but the most obvious one for moments like right now. She could not stop the sinful and wicked thoughts that she was having. If she were in her own bed alone she could do what must be done to relieve the dull throbbing ache that she'd trying to ignore all afternoon and evening.

It had been a strange day, though it started off typically enough. She rose to make breakfast, only to see that Peeta had beaten her to the kitchen and had started on the morning meal and had a cup of coffee waiting her. She'd come to find that she was starting to seek out little moments like this, her and him. Katniss liked to watch him work; in fact she had a small obsession with his large and calloused hands. He could make delicious food with a few simple ingredients and he drew detailed pictures. She had often wondered about what else his hands could do. They shared a few minutes of peaceful small talk before the younger members of the family came clambering down the stairs.

At breakfast Prim announced her intention to call on Annie, and Posy insisted upon going too. Vick had had plans to go hunting for a better part of a week. That left Katniss and Peeta alone for the day. She secretly liked and dreaded being alone with him, because it led her into thinking dangerous thoughts.

Katniss constantly found herself looking at him as they made hay. There was something about him that she found very appealing. He wasn't the most handsome man that she'd ever seen— that title when to her neighbor Finnick Odair, with her late husband a close second (or so according to most everyone).

But Peeta still had some very wonderful attributes. He had a strong jaw and the most enchanting eyes she'd ever seen—his blue orbs put all others to shame. Also he was impossibly broad shouldered, solid, and strong. While following behind him and watching him cut the hay, she couldn't tear her eyes away, although she did try. He flashed a wide, boyish grin when he finally got the hang of it. He was so effortlessly charming that she knew that it was just his nature and not an act.

Peeta was so at ease with everyone he met. The Odairs thought him delightful and he'd impressed most everyone in Seam. Even Haymitch, who generally disliked most people, had become instant friends with her houseguest.

There was something about Peeta that made people open up, Katniss included. Peeta was having an effect on her that she couldn't deny. She hadn't been able to tell anyone, even Prim, about why she was so hesitant to let Lady go, yet she was able to recount the entire story to Peeta. It was like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders; he could bring her a sense of peace like no one else ever had.

At times he could make her feel other things too: want, desire, and even lust. She came so close to kissing him today in the barn, and she'd never known such a hunger for a man before. Disappointment was the only word that could describe what she felt when she heard the girls coming home, although she didn't know if it was at herself for being so weak, or because he didn't kiss her.

She thought that she was safe from temptation once she left the barn, and all thoughts of physical longing were forgotten once Peeta had his had heard the shot and figured that Vick was simply emptying the barrel, nothing out of the ordinary, but what shocked her was Peeta's violent reaction to the sound.

When she first approached him, she didn't know what to do. He had gripped her so tight that it hurt, and she had been at a loss as to how to shake him out of it. If he'd not had her arms pinned to her side, she might have slapped him. Finally she thought she would try to sing to him like she used to for Posy.

The look he gave her while she was sang him 'The Valley Song' was so sad and haunting she knew that she was not going to forget it anytime soon. She wondered what he'd seen and been through to damage him so badly. Then she realized while he seemed to know everything about her, she knew almost nothing about him. In the six weeks she'd known him, all she knew about his past was that he was the third and youngest son of a Dutch baker and his German wife, and had joined the Army after his sweetheart rebuffed him in favor of his brother.

The defeated expression on his face when he came back to reality was heart-breaking. She had known that sort of pain herself. When she put him in bed, she had nearly laid next to him to soothe him, although she knew that it was not appropriate by any standards. Peeta was a gentleman and Katniss had an example to set in the home, which she was already doing a poor job of by even considering lying with a man that she was not married to.

She checked on him several times and tried to get him to eat some dinner, but he had declined the invitation. All evening she thought about him, not to pity him but because she so badly wanted to comfort him and to tell him that he wasn't the only one that the war had left forever altered. It robbed her of her best friend, her husband, and her youth.

She lay there and attempted to will her physical need away. She even tried to shame it away, scolding herself for thinking about such things while Peeta was so despondent…but she was unsuccessful.

In frustration, she finally gave up trying to sleep and as silently as she could she rose from bed and went down the stairs. On her way out of the house, her eyes were drawn to the door of her old room. For a fraction of a second, she thought about going to check on him one more time, then thought better of it. Not because she didn't care about how he was doing, but because she didn't trust herself in her current state. For some reason she thought that if she ever did kiss Peeta that she would not be able to stop there.

She slipped out of the house and thought of a place where she could what needed to be done. The large moon gave her just enough light to allow her to walk about the property. The barn seemed the most logical choice. The animals barely seemed to notice as she stealthily climbed the ladder into the haymow. She found a comfortable pile of straw and laid down in it.

Katniss cheeks burned in the darkness, thinking about what she was about to do. She'd only ever done this in her bed, and it had been a long while since she'd last done it.

She closed her eyes and let her mind wander.

_Peeta was there with her in the cool nest, both on their knees before each other. Why or how they got there she didn't know nor did she care._

_His lips tasted sweet, like the cinnamon rolls he made them a few days ago and that he kissed just as well as he spoke…if not helped each other out of their clothes. He made quick work of all her buttons and stays. She pushed the shirt off his shoulders and unbuckled his pants. Katniss ran her fingers over his pale flesh. He was so solid and warm and he leaned into her touch. She was surprised to being so comfortable with being nude before him, as she'd never been so at ease with baring herself before._

_His wonderful hands caressed and explored her body. He followed the outline of her body, first down her arms, causing her to breakout in goose bumps, then to the curve of her waist and swell of her hips. Then ever so slowly, they his hands traveled up her body to her breasts. After he palmed and squeezed them, he made her keen in pleasure when he tweaked the peaks with his thumb and forefinger._

She unbuttoned the collar of her nightgown and as she did, she imagined him doing it.

_He lay her down gently and then rested over top of her. The weight of his body on hers was bliss itself; this was what she wanted to have him take care of her. But she needed more. He gave her a knowing smile and his hand descended down her body to where her thighs met._

Her own hand moved lower and tugged at her hem so she could find the long neglected kernel of flesh that demanded attention. She was already seeping arousal; the first contact was like a static shock but then it quickly became immensely pleasurable. She pretended that her two fingers were one of his.

_Peeta treated her with care at first, his touch was feather soft, allowing her to become comfortable with this sort of intimacy again. He then became bolder as her hips swayed in tandem with the movements, dipping inside her to collect more moisture to spread across her slit. He had her on the edge; she was so close but wanted— no, needed—more._

_She reached between them to find his length, which was thick, hard and hot in her hand, and he groaned at the contact. Katniss nearly forgot about her own desire once she began to pleasure him. He bucked in her hand. She loved the sounds he made as she worked her hand up and down and pearly fluid beaded from the tip. He cried hoarsely when she used her thumb to spread it around the head. She heard him say in an impassioned voice, "I must have you now," and pulled her hand away and replaced it with his own and guided his member into her._

_The sensation was euphoric as she stretched around him. He stared at her with those huge blue eyes and for one glorious moment they were joined as one. She wiggled her hips to urge him to move, and he gave her a wicked grin and began to move at a torturously slow pace. To further her frustration he pressed nipping, open-mouthed kisses down her neck and latched on to the sensitive spot on her neck._

As she lay in the mow one hand was no longer fulfilling her need so she used both—one teasing her sensitive spot and the other filled her with void with two fingers.

_Her nails bit into his flesh as gripped his muscular rear, pulling him closer and forcing him deeper. His thrusts become faster and she felt her peak fast approaching, and she knew that his was too. Ever so slightly he changed angle of his entry and it was her undoing. She clenched around him repeatedly. Her name was whispered hoarsely in her ear and he joined her in ecstasy._

In the mow she bit her lip to keep from calling Peeta's name while her own hands caused her to orgasm. Her body trembled and was sated. It took her several moments to collect her wits.

Then came the guilt. She was so confused and a little ashamed and wondered if what she'd just done was akin to adultery. Although she was a widow, she was still in mourning and she wouldn't be available to be courted for several months yet. This was unlike any other time she'd touched herself. Always before it had been out of simple physical need: her body needed a release and she took care of it. But this time was different. There was a specific cause—Peeta. Her body hungered for him. Never had she had such a vivid fantasy in all her life. It felt so real.

While she was married, Katniss thought of sex as a wife's duty, not an unpleasant one but a duty all the same. She'd never thought much of it while she was a girl. She and Gale's courtship, if it could even be called that, was short and no other man ever paid her any serious attention.

They'd never done anything more that kiss before they were wed. The wedding night was awkward, and their first coupling was quick and uncomfortable. Slowly, over time, it became less of a chore and to Gale's credit he did try to make as enjoyable for her as it was for him, but they were both young and inexperienced. Then after less than six months of marriage, Gale left for the war. While he was away, she'd learned how to take care of herself, the images she drew up were from specific memories and she never had had such an intense longing for her own husband.

She'd see him twice during the war. Once he was home for two months after he was wounded, and he had left as soon as he was cleared by the doctor, leaving her with a mountain of responsibilities and an ill-fated pregnancy. The other visit was a year ago when he told her that he'd signed up for an additional three years. They fought whenever they were together; it was what they did as a married couple. But the last fight was especially nasty; she called him selfish, arrogant, and irresponsible, he called her unpatriotic, cold, and unfeeling.

Remembering the fight made her recall how discontented they had been in marriage. All their similarities that Gale told her would be their strengths when he proposed turned out to be weaknesses. They were both too proud, held grudges, were very stubborn, and were slow to apologize. She cared very deeply for Gale, although she never loved him romantically. She loved the boy in the woods but she couldn't stand the man in the uniform. Her husband did not hold the place in her heart that he should have.

Katniss could not make sense of her feelings towards Peeta, she thought that maybe she was just yearning for physical intimate contact after being alone for so long. But she had been around other eligible and reasonably attractive young men such Darius Stone the blacksmith and Marvel Wilson the shop keeper's son and never had such a drawl to them.

What she felt in her heart for Peeta was nothing like what she had felt for Gale, though she knew that she shouldn't she couldn't help but to compare them. Peeta won every time and that made her feel guilty.

"I am never getting married again," she whispered, reminding herself to not become tender-hearted. "No more men to leave me, no more pregnancies to lose, no more heartache."

She adjusted her nightgown and climbed down the ladder. Before leaving the barn, she looked into Lady's stall; she couldn't see much but she could hear the goat's wheezy breathing as she slept.

The moon was even higher in the sky and she knew that it must be near midnight. After washing her hands at the water pump, she headed to the house. The dim glow of a lamp caught her attention.

"Blast," she hissed when she realized that she'd left the bedroom without her robe or shawl, which was had honestly been the last thing on her mind.

When she opened the door, she hoped desperately that it was Prim writing a love letter to Rory. It was not Prim but the house's only other fair-haired occupant, Peeta, bent over a book. When the latch clicked, his body jolted slightly.

"When did you sneak out?" he asked in a humored manner. Katniss breathed a sigh of relief. He must have thought that she made a trip to the outhouse.

"A while ago, then I watched the stars for a little bit," she lied.

Peeta must have believed her and he replied, "Let me know next time and I'll go with you, Vick said that there are bears around here. It's not safe to be alone."

"I've lived here my whole life and there is nothing out there that frightens me." Katniss chuckled and rolled her eyes. "Besides, there hasn't been a bear in these parts in years. Gale used to like to scare Vick when he was little."

She sat down at the table next to him. Peeta gave her a little grin, "Gale was always good at joshing people. Once he convinced a soldier that there were snipes out in the woods and senseless Woof actually stayed all night in the woods looking for them."

Katniss shook her head. "He did that to Rory when he was seven, and when Hazelle found out she switched him something awful."

They both smiled. Peeta leaned back in his chair and she saw that the book that he'd been bent over was a sketch book. "May I?" she asked.

Peeta looked as if he was thinking it over, he warned, "It might be…disturbing."

Katniss looked down at the book and image that greeted her was grisly. It was a man skewered on a bayonet, and it was drawn in such a way that she knew that the artist had been the one to inflict the damage…Peeta had done this. The man before her had actually taken a human life. Her face must have reflected the horror that she'd felt.

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "I shouldn't have let you see it." He tried to take the book away but she held on tight.

"No, please, I want to know what it was like," she admitted. Peeta reluctantly let go. She flipped through the pages. The details were amazing, but the sights were ghastly: A screaming man being held down by four others while a surgeon sawed off his leg, a dead solider missing half his head, a drummer boy bent over another young body.

"Peeta, these are so incredible," she whispered, "terrifying, but incredible. Are these all things that you saw?"

He sighed heavily. "Yes, when I try to sleep it all comes back to me. Sometimes if I draw them, I can get them out of my head for a little while and I can rest. I always keep the book hidden when I'm not working on it. I would hate for Posy to find it. It is a place for me to store all the memories: the gore, the angst, the betrayal of loved ones."

"I'm glad that you're letting me look at it. I always wanted to know why Gale was so drawn to it. But now I am at a loss as to why he preferred there to here." Katniss turned the page and caught a glance of a man and woman in an embrace. Peeta suddenly snatched the book from her.

He gave her an apologetic glance. "Sorry, I'm not ready to share everything."

They simply stared for a moment or two, and then Peeta cleared his voice, "Commander Boggs once said that Gale was a true warrior. That he could look at the enemy as if they were animals and nothing more."

Katniss gave him a disturbed expression.

Peeta clarified, "He wasn't sadistic about it, I knew a few who were, but Gale wasn't one of them. He didn't enjoy it, although he was able to turn off his emotions and do what needed to be done to accomplish the mission. Most of us couldn't do that. Every time I fired my weapon I couldn't help to think that I was about to end the life of someone's brother, father, or husband…I was an awful solider."

She took his hand and assured him, "But you are a good man and you must have been good enough to get promoted in the ranks. You did what you had to do at the time."

"I tell myself that all the time. It doesn't help," he said and squeezed her hand. "Killing a human being changes you."

Peeta took his eyes off her and looked out the window, and then he asked a very odd question, "Do you think that you could forgive the Confederate who killed Gale?"

Katniss thought about it and then replied honestly, "I can forgive the man." Peeta looked at her in wonder. "But I blame the war and politicians and slave owners who couldn't just do what was right on their own. I think that most mothers, wives, and children eventually come to the same conclusion."

Peeta gave her perplexed expression, as if her explanation was too simple.

She continued, "I'm sure the Johnny Reb that shot my husband was no different than you and Gale. He joined because he thought it was the right thing to do. I'm sure he didn't join simply to kill Gale Hawthorne anymore than you did to kill the man in that first picture I saw. The war ruined all those lives, you did not, Peeta."

He face was unreadable for a time, and then it slowly transitioned into a small grin. "And you say that you are no good with words."

"Once and awhile I can speak well if I don't think about it too much," she said and pulled her hand from his. "We should both rest, Peeta."

"Or we ought to try," he conceded and shut the book."Thank you, Katniss, you really helped me today."

"It is the least I can do," she said softly. "After everything you've done for me. I guess that's what we do, help each other."

"I suppose that makes us friends."

'Friends' seemed like an understatement. She had never felt this level of comfort and closeness with a man before, but anything more was a dangerous thought to entertain.

"I would suppose so," she said and rose from her seat. Peeta did the same and they wished each other 'good night.' Katniss went to the room and shoved Posy over and climbed into bed. The room was cooler and her sinful urges had subsided, but now she had another more disturbing revelation. What she felt for Peeta went beyond lust; it was deeper and more consuming. Never in her life had she felt this way about anyone, not even Gale.

The thought of being in love with Peeta Mellark was a frightening one. She would never be able to give him her heart and he wasn't deserving of anything less.

 

 


	2. part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! First I would like thank everyone who took the time to review part 1. I know that this was a re-read for many of you who donated to s2sl, and appreciate that you took the time to let me know how you liked it.
> 
> Thanks to Court for her fantastic beta skills and for talking me out of what could have been a huge plot mistake. Also thanks to ackennedy7 and Louzem for pre-reading and cheerleading.

 

**The Reconstruction of a Heart**

**Part 2**

**Peeta**

_“Ahhh, God please,” a pathetic voice wailed. “No, don’t take my leg!”_

_A man’s scream and the sound of cannons in the distance awoke Peeta from his troubled sleep. His leg was on fire. He looked down to lower limb and saw a blood-drenched tourniquet. Peeta tried to get up but found himself bound to his stretcher. The smell of blood and festering wounds assaulted his nostrils. He turned his head towards the screaming man; four men held him down and yet he struggled violently._

_A surgeon approached the young man with a blood-covered saw, which he was wiping off with an equally filthy rag. He demanded to know, “Why is this man not chloroformed?”_

_“We’re out,” a medic informed the doctor._

_The surgeon shook his head and said coldly, “Hold him tight.”_

_The realization washed over Peeta: He was in the amputation tent and from the looks of it, and he was next. He began to panic even more when the young man begged for the doctor to stop._

_The young man’s screams were soon accompanied by the grating of steel on bone. Suddenly the young man went quiet. The surgeon stopped. “Bandage him up, although it won’t do much good. He’ll most likely bleed out.”_

_The surgeon approached Peeta’s stretcher and looked at him for a fraction of a second. “The leg has to come off, son.”_

_Before Peeta could respond, he heard a voice behind him. “Doc, I know that you are tired, damn it we all are. But I have to tell you that you are not going to take this man’s leg.” It was Lieutenant Hawthorne. “The musket ball went through the thigh. His bone isn’t broken. Cleaning the wound will be easier anyhow.”_

_“I have no time. Taking the leg is faster,” the doctor spat._

_There was a cocking of a gun, and the surgeon raised his hands. Gale said, “Doc, you don’t understand. This is the best soldier I’ve got. He’s a good kid and deserves to be taken care of right. You’re not taking his leg unless you’ve got to...and you and I both know that you don’t got to. Now wash your hands and take an honest look at my friend here.”_

_The doctor looked to the medics, and the orderlies did nothing to stop Gale; they must have agreed._

_The surgeon went to rinse off his hands. Gale holstered his revolver and sat next to Peeta._

_“Thanks,” Peeta whispered._

_Gale patted Peeta’s chest, “I have a feeling that providence has bigger plans for you someday, Mellark.”_

Peeta awoke with a start and tangled in his sheets when someone knocked loudly on his door. He was disoriented and drenched in a cold sweat. He threw off the sheets, gasped for air, and tried to take in his surroundings in the dim room.

It took many long moments for his confusion to lessen and for him to remember that the war was over, he was no longer in the Army, and that he was staying at the Hawthorne farm. That brought other realizations: Gale was dead and Peeta was finding himself falling in love with his widow. _Somehow I don’t think that this was a part of the bigger plans Gale Hawthorne spoke of._

Peeta had never experienced something that could fill him with so much bliss and pain in the same instant. He had never felt this kind of connection with a woman before. From the second his eyes met hers and he heard her voice in that field, he was a goner. The affection that he had experienced for Delly Cartwright paled in comparison for the deep, consuming regard (refusing to call it anything more) he felt for Katniss.

As if on cue, the knocking began again. Katniss opened the door and poked her head in. “Peeta, breakfast is—” Her words died in her throat and her eyes went wide as saucers and she stared at him a moment. “Oh, pardon me!” she whispered and quickly shut the door.

Peeta wondered at her reaction and then he looked down at his body, realizing that he was stark naked. He cursed under his breath and hurried to get into some clothes. Things had already been awkward between them for the last few days, ever since the night she looked through his sketch book. Katniss had been keeping her distance from him for some reason. Was she scared of him? Disgusted? She did not seem like it that night.

He wondered if she had recognized Gale in the last picture, the one that he grabbed from her hands. Peeta had been meaning to burn the picture of Gale and Johanna Mason. That image of adultery stuck with him as much as the grisly visions did. While they were stationed in Tennessee, the higher-ranking officers were afforded the luxury of staying in a boarding house. The proprietor, Mrs. Mason, was a Union sympathizer. She was friendly and flirtatious with all the men but there was something about the way she and Gale looked at each other that had made Peeta suspicious.

He had kept his thoughts to himself, because it was none of his concern and he had honestly thought that Gale was a faithful husband. Then one night he had taken some orders to Gale’s room where he had found Gale and Johanna in a conjugal embrace.

Peeta’s good opinion of his friend and officer had been shattered. Later he had confronted Gale and reminded him that he was a married man, and they had exchanged some heated words. Peeta was very sensitive to infidelity because of what Delly and his brother had done to him. The relationship between Peeta and Gale was had become strained, so it came to a shock to Peeta a few days later when he was fetched to come to Gale’s side on the battlefield.

The moment Peeta had seen Gale lying on the ground, clutching his bleeding chest, he had known that he was not going to last too much longer. He had begged for Peeta to fulfill a promise that he’d made to Gale long before to help his family. Peeta had agreed and made peace with the dying man and now remembered his final words for his family. Gale had kept begging, “Tell Katniss that I am sorry,” but for what Peeta wasn’t sure what for. Was it for his infidelity, for leaving her, or for something else that he wasn’t aware of? Since he wasn’t sure, Peeta never mentioned it. There were times that he thought that Katniss deserved to know the truth about Gale and Mrs. Mason… _But what good would that do her? Disgracing a dead man’s memory would be shameful._

Peeta shook his head to clear it, and he made himself presentable for breakfast.

He opened the door and saw Katniss at the stove and the three younger family members eating. He must have woken up much later than usual. Typically he was the first to wake up and had breakfast on the stove before anyone else was downstairs. They all wished him good morning, except Katniss who seemed determined not to make eye contact with him.

“Peeta, your pancakes are so much better than Katniss’s,” Posy whispered to him and showed him her half-eaten burnt flapjack. They shared a conspiratorial smirk; Prim and Vick shared knowing looks.

Katniss cleared her throat and tried to fight a smile. “Anybody else who wants to make breakfast is more than welcome to. Now if you are all finished, go outside and start your chores.”

Posy and Vick rose and left the table. Prim gathered the plates and got started on the dishes while Katniss made Peeta a plate. His food was slightly less burnt and already covered in maple syrup, just the way he liked it.

Katniss helped Prim with the dishes. The younger sister started a conversation. “So when are we going to Haymitch’s for dinner?”

Katniss was silent.

“You know that he really wants us to come,” Prim said earnestly.

Katniss said, more to herself than anyone, “He most likely simply wants a respite from Miss Trinket’s chatter.” 

“Katniss, it is rude not to go,” Prim reminded her. “Haymitch is our oldest friend.”

Katniss huffed. “Fine, when Vick is finished with his chores you can send him with a message that we’ll come tonight.”

Prim smiled in victory.

Katniss added sternly, “Now if Madge says anything cross to me, you’d better be prepared to leave quickly. I don’t trust myself not to say something rude.”

“Alright,” Prim promised and gave her sister a little hug before heading to the door. “I’m going to go milk the cow and goats.”

“I’ll help you, Prim,” Peeta volunteered and finished his last bite and handed his plate to Katniss to wash. “Thanks for breakfast. I’ll try to be up tomorrow.”

“Peeta, you are our guest,” she said sincerely. “You do too much already. Anyhow, you need to sleep when you can. I-I heard you moving and I assumed that you were already up.” Her voice was soft, and she made eye contact with him for the first time in days. “I’m sorry; I should have left you for longer.”

“No, you helped me,” he told her. “I was having a nightmare, and you woke me up. So really I should be thanking you.”

They stared at each other for a moment.

“I’m so sorry,” Katniss murmured.

“Don’t be,” he said and gave her a bittersweet smile, “remember, I’m one of the lucky ones.”

Katniss slipped one of her hands into his and gave him it a reassuring squeeze. While she wasn’t usually good with words, she could express so much with the smallest of actions. She was telling him that she was sorry and that she knew how he felt.

He gently pulled her hand to his lips and placed a warm kiss to her knuckles.

She gazed down at him, her lips parted in surprise. He watched the hairs on her arm stand up and then she quickly pulled her hand away.

Peeta stood and made his way out the door. He swore that he could feel Katniss’s eyes on him until he got to the barn.

**Katniss**

“Blasted road,” she Katniss cursed under her breath after the cart wheel hit a rock. She was sitting in the back of the family’s pony cart. The ride was bumpy and uncomfortable. She was further irritated by the pins sticking into her head holding up her hair net and her hot wool dress. It was the nicest of her mourning dresses, but it was heavy and made the humid air even worse. She fought the urge to tell Vick to stop the cart and let her off and send them on to Haymitch with her apologies.

Never in all her life could Katniss remember dreading a social visit as much as this one and that was saying a lot considering she was never really a sociable person.

There was a history between she her and Haymitch’s niece, Madge Undersee.

Once, they were very close. Every summer from the time she and Madge were five until they were seventeen, Madge was sent to stay with her aunt and uncle. Even after her Aunt Maysilee died, her parents sent her and her governess, Miss Trinket, away from the hustle and bustle of Cincinnati to the backwoods of Seam. 

Tomboy Katniss and proper Madge became close despite their differences and played together every chance they got, although Katniss always felt that a part of the reason why Madge liked being with her so much was because she was far more likely to run into Gale, with whom Madge had an infatuation since she first met him. Katniss would roll her eyes and shake her head when ever Madge would talk about how handsome and gallant Gale was. 

The summer that Katniss and Madge were seventeen, Gale had finally noticed Madge and they had an innocent flirtation. It came had come to nothing other than a couple of stolen kisses, as far as Katniss knew.  Madge had gone home when the summer heat broke.

Obviously Gale was not that affected by his dalliance with Madge, because he started to ask Katniss to marry him that fall. She was hesitant, but that all changed after her mother died in the house fire. Katniss had felt that she owed Gale for helping her to deal with the aftermath and for taking her and Prim in. Hazelle had been showing signs of consumption and everyone had known that it was only a matter of time until the Hawthornes were orphans too. Gale had told her that it was up to him and her to care for their families.

Gale had promised that everything would turn out, just like when they were kids and hunted together for meat to eat and pelts to sell.

After Katniss and Gale were wed, Katniss got had gotten a scathing letter from Madge, condemning her for marrying “her one true love.” The accusation had hurt Katniss deeply, because Madge was one of the few female friends she had, and she had not set out _steal_ Gale, as she’d been accused of. After that, Madge had never come to Seam, and Katniss had not heard from her since.

A part of her wanted to reconcile with Madge, but another part of her was upset with her. In a way, she wished that Madge had married Gale, and because then Katniss would not have been in the middle of the huge mess that Gale had left behind.

“Katniss, look at me,” Posy squealed, and got Katniss’s attention. The little girl had begged Peeta to let her ride Demeter. He was all too willing to do her bidding and saddled up his horse and was giving her a ride and even letting her hold the reigns.

Although Katniss would never admit it, she was a little envious of Posy at the moment, snuggled up to Peeta and having him holding her protectively.

“You be careful!” Katniss warned playfully. She knew that Peeta wouldn’t allow any harm come to the child that had become his pet. Posy was missing her older brothers—or, at least, she missed Rory. She never really knew Gale; he had left when she was four. Katniss hated that Peeta would be one more man to leave them, but she didn’t have the heart to keep them from being friends for the time being. Peeta’s presence had been so positive for the younger family members; he could even bring pensive Vick out of his shell, and the two of them could talk for hours.

Katniss found herself watching Peeta as he laughed when Posy called for the horse to gallop.

Peeta looked so content during the day that no one would ever guess that his sleep was troubled or that he had so much pain. Then she thought about how transfixed she was when she found him naked this that morning.  Her heart beat a little faster as she recalled how beautiful his body was. His limbs were sturdy and the muscles were well defined. His chest was broad and she couldn’t help to imagine how firm and warm it would be under her fingertips. There was hardly enough time to get a good look at his man parts but the glimpse she got had been enough to keep her mind occupied the rest of the day.

It took many deep breaths and a stern reminder that she couldn’t think like that for her to push the memory of his naked body away. She knew that she was going to have to find some “private time” again soon.

She looked at her hand and swore that she could still feel it tingling from when he kissed it this morning.

Katniss gritted her teeth, and tried to resend the dangerous thoughts. She’d been avoiding him for the last few days, simply because of how Peeta made her feel. _I cannot change the past and I will not entertain the idea of another marriage._

She took a few calming breaths to compose herself when the wagon pulled up in front of Haymitch’s home. It was no grand residence like you would find in a large town, but it was the nicest house in the area, built of red bricks, with a slate roof and a large porch.

Haymitch’s hired man, Chaff, greeted them all warmly and took the cart and pony to the barn. It never ceased to amaze Katniss how well Chaff got along with just one hand. Another of Haymitch’s employees, Thresh, took Peeta’s horse.

Prim made Vick walk her in. Katniss was a little annoyed, Prim was always forcing her and Peeta together.

“Peeta, take me in, please,” Posy begged, and he complied with a smile and offered her his arm.

Katniss was going to walk in behind them, but Peeta offered his free arm, “Katniss?”

Before she thought better of it, she hooked her arm with through his and whispered, “We ought to use proper names tonight, I think…for appearances.”

Peeta nodded, his smile fading, as his expression shifted to somewhere between understanding and disappointment.

Haymitch opened the door before Prim even had a chance to knock. Greeting them warmly, he led the group into the parlor. As they entered, Haymitch’s two houseguests stood. They were both blonde and beautiful, with perfect, corseted figures. Miss Trinket was in a multi-colored muslin dress and looked just as Katniss remembered her. Madge had changed some; her face was more slender and her hair a shade or two darker, but overall she still looked like the girl who was once Katniss’s closest friend. She was in a soft pink dinner dress, with her hair piled high in ringlets.

Miss Trinket greeted them warmly, pinching the younger ones cheeks and taking the ladies by the hands.

“Kat—,” Miss Trinket instantly corrected herself, “I mean Mrs. Hawthorne, how lovely it is to see you! I am so sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you,” Katniss whispered.

Madge greeted the younger members of the family but refused to approach Katniss and only offered a cold “hello,” instantly causing some tension in the room. Haymitch glossed over the slight by introducing his guests to Peeta, who was as charming as usual. Katniss felt the heat rise in her face at the flirtatious way Madge said, “A pleasure to meet you, Lieutenant Mellark,” and took his hand.

Dinner was awkward. Miss Trinket and Madge asked Peeta all sorts of questions about his time in the service. He tried to answer their questions without going into too much detail. Katniss felt for him; she knew that he did not like to talk about the war.

The only time that anyone spoke to Katniss directly was when Haymitch asked how her crops were coming along. She answered in few words as possible.

As soon as dinner was finished, Posy and Vick were excused to go skip rocks and wade in stream a few yards away from the house. Katniss wanted nothing more than to join them and dip her feet in the cool water, but the adults were directed into the parlor. Prim and Katniss sat on one couch, and Madge and Miss Trinket on another facing them. Haymitch and Peeta sat in front of an open window at the chess table and continued the game they had started the last time Peeta was there.

Katniss was thankful when Prim and Miss Trinket started talking about schooling. It left her to fan herself and to drift off to her own thoughts, although she did not miss the seething looks that Madge was casting her way.

Miss Trinket had changed the subject from Prim to Madge. “Poor dear doesn’t fare well in the city in the summer time. It is far too hot and stressful for her. Don’t you think Madge looks terribly pale, Mr. Mellark?”

Obliviously Peeta had not anticipated the question, and he hesitated. Katniss craned her neck to see how he responded. The thought of Madge being ill due to stress was a ridiculous one. Yes, Madge was pale, but it was simply because of her fair skin, which she protected with wide-brimmed bonnets and parasols.

Katniss’s eyes bore a hole through him, wanting to hear his answer even more than Miss Trinket did.

He finally replied in his most friendly tone, “From what I understand, a creamy complexion is very fashionable. I’m sure that with her fair skin she is the envy of Cincinnati.”

Katniss’s eyes narrowed at him. _So is that what he likes—pale skin, masses of blonde hair, and a buxom figure?_

Miss Trinket took a deep breath and tried to hide her annoyance at being contradicted, but much to her credit, she smiled wide and proclaimed, “That she is. With all these young men coming back home she has had so many callers. The choice of young men to socialize with was slim for the longest time, and Madge is so particular. But now I’m certain that by next summer we’ll be planning a wedding. White lace will suit her so well.”

“Don’t you think she ought to have a groom picked out before the style of the dress?” Haymitch interjected, causing Miss Trinket to give him a reproachful look.

“For your information, Mr. Abernathy, Madge has two very choice suitors right now. In fact, she is taking advantage of this little holiday to help her decide who would be the better choice, Captain Heavensbee or Lieutenant Cato. Isn’t that right, Madge?”

Haymitch rolled his eyes; he must have heard this story already. Before Madge could reply, he complained loudly, “Miss Trinket, not everyone in Seam needs to hear about Madge’s romantic quandary. Can we please listen to you talk about something else?”

Miss Trinket looked offended for a second or two, then her face melted into concern and looked at Katniss. “Oh my goodness. What am I doing going on about weddings when our dear Katniss—I mean Mrs. Hawthorne—has so recently lost her dear Gale… and sweet Primrose, with her betrothed so far away. Does the topic bother you two?”

The sisters both shook their heads, but neither one seemed to want to reply. Katniss stared at the floor and Prim rearranged her calico print skirt. Katniss could feel herself getting very aggravated. While the topic of weddings didn’t affect her, it did bother Prim.

“How _have_ you been Mrs. Hawthorne?” Miss Trinket asked. “It must have been heartbreaking to lose your husband so close to the end of the war.”

Her question was sincere but it rubbed Katniss the wrong way. “It was awful, no matter the timing,” Katniss said evenly, struggling to stay calm, and she took a sip of her water. _It is so hot in here!_

The room was silent for only a second before Madge surprised the group when she said, “Maybe he never would have joined the army if you had asked him not to. Surely Gale would have listened to his beloved wife.”

“Margret!” Miss Trinket hissed to the young woman beside her.

Katniss’s fan froze mid-wave, feeling Madge’s harsh words as if she’d been slapped. She glared at her former friend for a long moment as she tried to restrain herself. “You have no idea how many times I asked him not to go,” she finally replied.

“You obviously didn’t do it enough,” Madge retorted, and then said under her breath, “He would have stayed for me.”

“I wish it would have been you!” Katniss said truthfully, pinning Madge with her gaze.

Madge looked at Katniss in shock; she must have thought that her snide comment would have gone unanswered.

Katniss felt herself shaking with anger and outrage. Prim took her sister’s hand to calm her as she turned to reproach Madge directly.  “He didn’t stay for his dying mother, and he didn’t stay when Posy and the others begged him. Gale was going to do as he pleased, no matter what.”

“Tell me, Madge…how do you think you would have fared as Mrs. Hawthorne?” Katniss questioned, stood, and pulled her hand from her sister’s. The rosiness in Madge’s cheeks drained. Now she looked pale.

“Girls,” Miss Trinket said in an attempt to control the situation, “this is hardly the way for ladies to conduct themselves.”

“I’m sorry, Miss Trinket, I am hardly a lady,” Katniss replied sharply. “I have spent far too much time in the fields to be one. While you and Madge sit in some parlor passing the day away embroidering and playing the piano. I was am chopping wood, butchering pigs, and plowing.”

The gates were now open, and once Katniss let the words spill from her mouth they could not be stopped. “How would you of have fared without your silk gowns and parasols, Madge? Miss Trinket wouldn’t have been there to dress your hair every day before you collected eggs and dug potatoes. Your life would not have turned out like one of your romance novels. And I can promise you that Gale was not the debonair hero you took him to be.”

Katniss, suddenly feeling much lighter, took a deep breath. “Now, if you’ll forgive me, I’m ready to go home. I suddenly feel faint from all of this _excitement_ ,” Katniss said sarcastically. She addressed her host, “Haymitch, thank you for dinner. Please tell Seeder that everything was delicious.”

“Will do, sweetheart,” Haymitch said, as if her outburst had not just happened, and he gave her a wink.

Katniss nodded.

“I’ll go get Vick and Posy,” Prim volunteered and went outside as quickly as she could. 

“Mr. Mellark,” she addressed Peeta, “you are more than welcome to stay and finish your game. You did ride your horse.”

“It’s alright, Mrs. Hawthorne, we’ll finish another time,” Peeta responded and was about to rise to join her.

“No,” she said and caught his eye. She was sore at him for being so polite to Madge. “I insist.” He sank back in his seat, his face blank.

Katniss exited the house and went to where the pony was hitched outside. Prim and the children met her a few minutes later. 

Posy protested, “Why do we have to leave?”

“Katniss does not feel well,” Prim excused her sister.

They were ready to go in record time. Vick seemed to drive the pony a little faster than usual. They had Posy sit on the bench with her brother so that Prim could ride with Katniss in back. They let their feet dangle off the edge like when they were little girls.

Katniss unbuttoned the jacket of her dress and started yanking pins from her hair. “I’m sorry, Prim, I couldn’t stop myself.”

Prim gave her sister a grin. “Madge deserved it. I really thought that she would be more civil after all this time.”

Katniss sighed loudly. “At least we won’t get invited back again until after they leave.”

“Why did you snap at Peeta?” Prim asked cautiously. 

“I don’t know,” Katniss lied. “I was hot, tired, and uncomfortable.” _And he was far too obliging to Madge._

Soon they were home. Katniss wasted no time shucking off her dress and changing into her favorite faded frock. The blue material was worn, stained, and patched. It was the last remaining piece of clothing she owned that her mother had made for her, and she was reluctant to cut it up for rags. Once her clothes were changed, she excused herself from house and to go for a walk.

“Don’t stay out too late or else I’ll worry about you,” Prim told her sister as she headed out.

“You don’t have to worry about me,” Katniss said dismissively.

“But I do anyways,” the younger sister called out the door after her.

Katniss knew that she was going to be awhile; she needed to swim and perhaps to do something else to clear her head.

She walked to the pond in record time, beside herself with frustration and, if she were honest to with herself, jealousy. She shed her dress and slippers quickly and dove into the water in her undergarments. The cool water was a bit of a surprise after being overheated for most of the day. Once her body adjusted to the temperature, she swam the length of the pond. She tried to convince herself that she was upset at Madge over her comments about Gale. Instead, she realized that she was more affected by the way Madge looked at Peeta and the attention that she paid to him and the realization that it brought Katniss— _I want him for my own._

Her heart and her mind were at odds and equally matched. Every time she thought of a reason of why she should not indulge in those emotions she countered it.

Unable to reach a satisfactory conclusion, Katniss thought of _another way_ to clear her mind. The memory of her temporary relief and feeling of bliss that she had experienced a few nights before in the hayloft was enticing, although it would be risky to do it outside, even in the fading light. So she swam to the edge where the tall grass could obscure her from sight.

She allowed herself to begin to fantasize about Peeta—how good it might feel to be held in his strong arms or how his lips would feel against hers. Just as she was about to pull up her wet shift, she heard the distant beat of hoof prints approaching her. Katniss instinctively jumped from her spot and began to swim innocently if there was such a thing, because she was sure that if anyone would happen upon her…of course it would have to be Peeta. _I can’t escape him anywhere._

 

**Peeta**

When Katniss told him to stay, she was had been visibly upset, although after the exchange she had had with Miss Undersee, it was to be expected. But he had not expected her to lash out at him the way she did. She was angry with him. He thought that it might have something to do with how friendly he was with Haymitch’s guests, but what was he expected to do? Be rude?

After the Hawthornes left, Miss Trinket pulled Madge into another room after apologizing profusely to Peeta. He and Haymitch continued playing their game as if nothing had happened. A few moves later Peeta was debating how best attempt to capture Haymitch’s king, but he was distracted. He made a foolish move, allowing Haymitch to capture his queen, effectively winning the game.

“That was far too easy,” Haymitch said as he leaned back in his chair and lit his pipe.

“Sorry, I guess I’m a little distracted,” Peeta confessed, looking out the window in the direction of the Hawthorne homestead.

“Would it have to do with a hot-tempered widow?”

Peeta looked at his companion, who was wearing a smug smile.

“She didn’t like you complimenting Madge,” Haymitch informed him. “She likes you.”

“We’re only friends,” Peeta answered much too quickly.

“No, Katniss and I are friends. She and Finnick Odair are friends,” the elder man clarified. “I’ve never seen her get that worked up when we speak to other women. You two maybe friends, yet there is much more there than either of you can admit to.”

“She is a widow and I am…” he searched for the right words. “I’m too scarred to be good for her.”

Haymitch gave him a disbelieving look. “Did you get your pecker shot off or something?”

“N-no,” Peeta stuttered, shocked that anybody could ask him such a thing.

“Then what is your problem?”

“I had a terrible attack the other day. I woke up this morning, and it took me ages to remember where I was. I have no vocation, and I have nothing to offer her. I can’t give her the things she deserves.” Peeta’s eyes fell to the floor, embarrassed to admit these things to Haymitch.

“Katniss is humble woman. She doesn’t need much.” Haymitch shrugged. “She could do much worse. You’re a smart man; you could figure out how to farm. If not, Katniss could teach you. She doesn’t do half bad considering what she has to work with. Or you could take up another vocation. Seam isn’t big enough for a bakery, but a clever lad like yourself could figure something out.”

“She isn’t done mourning,” Peeta reminded him.

“That too shall pass,” Haymitch said and puffed away. “I didn’t tell you to drag her to stand in front of the preacher next week.”

Peeta didn’t know how to respond, so he just chuckled nervously, as if Haymitch were joking and it was the end of the conversation. A short while later, he mounted his horse and headed towards the Hawthorne farm. Something told him to take the long way home, and he wanted time to think about what Haymitch had told him. There was a small spring-fed pond on the way. It would be a nice place to stop and think. He ruminated on Katniss and wondered if she could ever come to think of him as a suitor or even a potential husband. If Haymitch thought that he and Katniss could become a happy pair, perhaps it was not as absurd an idea as he had thought.

Demeter happily trotted in the fading light. As Peeta came closer to the pond, he could hear gentle splashing, and something caught his eye. His breath stuck in his throat as his eyes fell on Katniss slowly gliding through the water. He took a moment to admire her. He never knew that people could swim so gracefully. Quietly dismounting his horse, he approached the pond.

She gave him a half scowl. “You startled me.” She didn’t sound convincing.

“I’m sorry. I simply thought that I would offer my horse a drink before we went back to the house.” He added in a friendly tone, “But…I’ll leave you alone if you like.”

She paused in the water and told him, “No, Peeta, you can stay. Just turn around and wait a moment so I can put my dress on.”

“Ah-alright,” Peeta said and turned. “I did not know that you knew how to swim so well.” He heard her move get out of the water and then heard the rustle of clothing. He tried not to think of how she might look with her wet undergarments clinging to her form.

“My father taught Prim and me when we were little.” She enquired, “Do you swim?”

“No, my mother would not allow us,” he explained. “There was always too much work to be done.”

“Perhaps you can learn while you are here…You can turn around now,” she said softly and sat on a large rock on the pond’s edge and patted a spot next to her to invite him to sit. She now wore an old, faded blue dress that he thought made her looking even prettier than usual.

Peeta sat next to her and they looked out at the pond. The silence was not as comfortable between them as it usually was. She pulled her loosened hair over her shoulder and squeezed the water from it, fiddling with it much more than she needed to.

Katniss finally cleared her throat and began to speak. “I need to apologize to you. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I was annoyed at….at something else.” She turned her head gaze to Peeta and caught his eye. “I reckon you think that I am a terrible person right now.”

“No,” he said earnestly. “Why would I think you’re a terrible person?”

“Because of the way I spoke of Gale.”

“You’re simply human,” he dismissed her concern. “Anyhow, Gale wasn’t perfect.”

“No, he wasn’t,” she agreed in a regretful tone. “I always thought it was wrong, how he lead Madge on. They both knew that her parents would never allow them to marry, and that she would not be happy being a humble farmer’s wife.”

“Sometimes the dream of courtship and marriage is better than the reality of it,” Peeta said empathically. He knew this from experience. Once, he thought he and Delly would be married, that the childhood friendship would transition into romance without much trouble. But it was not to be. When he found that Delly and his brother had been carrying on in secret, he mourned the loss of what might have been more than the loss of Delly, who treated his heart so carelessly.

“I never got to have the pleasant illusion,” Katniss said with an edge of bitterness. “My marriage was more of an agreement between friends from the start.”

“If you don’t mind me asking,” he ventured, “why did you marry him?”

“My father was long dead. My mother died when our cabin burnt down, and we lost everything The Hawthornes were the only other family that Prim and I had. My father and Hazelle were cousins. We were close enough that it would be expected of her to take us in, but Gale and I were distantly related and spent so much time together to make people talk. It made sense and we did care about each other very much.”

She looked at Peeta. “We were content for a very little while.”

“Gale always spoke affectionately of you,” he told her honestly.

“That makes it worse,” she said remorsefully. “I loved him, although I felt little affection for him by the end.”

 _He took you for granted._ Peeta thought, but did not speak it aloud.

“If it had not been for the war, we might have been able to make it work. But Gale was obsessed with it and was far more concerned about keeping the Union together than he was about us. What he didn’t understand was that there was a war here, too. Every day was a battle to pay the bills and to put food on the table.”

“I think he left you in charge because he knew that you could handle it,” Peeta offered.

Katniss laughed bitterly. “If that was his way of complimenting me I wish he simply would have told me.” She looked as if she had more on her mind. “You said that he spoke of me often?”

“When I first met him, yes, he spoke of you nearly everyday.”

“Not towards the end?”

Peeta had to reflect on it but now that he thought of it, she was rarely mentioned after Gale’s last trip home. He did not know how to tell her the truth.

However, he didn’t have to. She gave a pained smile. “I thought so.”

The fireflies had begun to come out and the moon was high. Katniss declared, “I had better be getting back, or else Prim will worry.”

“I can give you a ride,” he offered, and mounted Demeter.

“It would be too much weight,” she argued.

“Of course not,” he assured her. “Demeter can handle your bulk and mine easily. You are a dainty thing, I bet that the bags of flour I hauled around the bakery weighed more than you.”

 She gave him a reluctant, “Alright.” He offered her his hand, and he helped her up behind him. Her arms instantly wrapped around his waist. She was holding him a little tighter than necessary, making him smile him broadly.

“Miss Trinket is something unexpected,” Peeta commented, looking for a lighter topic as he directed the horse to the Hawthorne house. “I’ve never seen Haymitch so perturbed.”

Katniss laughed. “She has a gift for exasperating him.”

“When she was talking about Miss Undersee’s suitors, he was clenching his jaw so hard that I thought his teeth were going to crack,” he recalled humorously.

“I think that Miss Trinket was trying to remind Madge that she ought not to be batting her eyes at you.”

“She was not,” Peeta dismissed the thought.

“Yes, she was,” she insisted with a genuine laugh.

“ _If_ she was, I did not notice.”

“What about her ‘lovely complexion being the envy of Cincinnati’?” Katniss challenged.

Peeta smiled at the hint of jealousy in her voice and was glad that she could not see his face. He knew that he should not like that she was envious of the compliment he paid another woman.

“What was I supposed to say?” he posed. “I was taught to be polite as a child, and to compliment ladies.”

“I’m sure that it worked well. You must have been very _popular_ with ladies at the officer balls.”

Peeta laughed. “I have never been popular with the ladies, and I’ve been told that I am too nice. At the officer social gatherings, I was of too low a rank to get much attention.”

Katniss scoffed.

“I was being courteous and it _is_ the fashion,” he defended himself. “Not that I agree with the seemingly popular opinion. I agree with King Solomon myself.”

“King Solomon?”

“He wrote a whole poem about a beautiful girl whose skin was dark because she worked in the sun. Recently I have come to appreciate that portion of Psalms very much.”

“The Song of Songs,” Katniss said in realization.

 “I do not openly praise you because it would not appeal to your vanity. You would roll your eyes at me and tell me not to say such things and…” he trailed off before he said too much. She did not press him further, but she hugged him a little tighter. The homestead was in sight, and he rode into the barn. He set her down and got off the horse himself.

When he looked at her, he saw that she wore an odd expression. “Katniss, is there something the matter?”

“And what else, Peeta?” she questioned. “What were you going to say earlier?”

“I was going to tell you that when I read the Song of Solomon that I imagine that the bride looked much like you.” Bowing his head ever so slightly, he recited, ‘If thou know not, O thou fairest among women, go thy way forth by the footsteps of the flock, and feed thy kids beside the shepherds' tents.”

He raised his head and watched her expression as the words settled. Her face was unreadable. Her eyes glistened, and he thought perhaps that she was going to cry. She took a step towards him, and Peeta prepared himself to be slapped or assaulted in some way. _I deserve it._

Instead she surprised him. Katniss did raise her hand to him, not to strike him but to cradle his jaw with her palm, and she guided his face to hers. The moment that her lips touched his, he froze for a moment, too stunned to react accordingly. Her full lips were soft and seared his flesh.

When the realization hit him (and he) was able to respond, his hands found her waist and pulled her closer to his body. He trapped her plump upper lip between his own. A tiny sound of pleasure escaped her lips and he began to drink from her lips in earnest. Her tongue brushed against his, as if she were testing his reaction. Timidly, Peeta mirrored her action. She became bolder and he more confident. Soon her arms were around her his neck and she was so close and yet it wasn’t nearly enough.

With his eyes closed, all of his other senses were heightened. The taste of her was intoxicating and made him feel light-headed. She smelled of hay, spring water, and a natural perfume that was unique only to her. The sounds of her mewls drove him on. Her body felt so small against his, and yet he knew it to be strong and capable. 

He could not have been more consumed by her if she were fire and he kindling. It took everything in him to keep his body from reacting to her.

After many long minutes, the need for air trumped their desire. They still clung to each other. Peeta stroked her still damp locks. Suddenly she pushed herself away from him and whispered urgently, “Someone is coming.”

He immediately became aware of the wider world beyond him and her, and in fact someone was approaching the barn with a lantern in hand. Peeta busied himself with removing the saddle from his horse.

“Peeta, Peeta, are you out there?” Prim’s voice called out, and she appeared in the barn’s doorway in a nightgown and house coat.

“Yes, Prim?” Peeta replied innocently.

“Oh, good,” she breathed. “Have you seen Katniss?”

“I’m here, Prim,” Katniss spoke up and stepped out of the barn. “Peeta happened upon me on my way back from the pond and gave me a ride back…I-I was checking the animals.”

“I wanted to check make sure that you were home before I went to bed,” Prim said.

“I am safe,” Katniss confirmed. “I’ll get the gate for Peeta, and then I’ll come in.”

Prim told them, “There is no hurry. The others are in bed and I am heading there directly.”  The corners of her mouth upturned in the lantern light as Prim offered it to her sister. “Here, take the light so you can see what you are doing.”

Prim turned on her toe and headed back to the house. Katniss and Peeta quickly unsaddled the horse and put her out to pasture.

Katniss was eerily silent, he did not know what was going through her mind. After she shut the gate behind Demeter, she started to walk towards the house, leaving him behind.

“Katniss, please wait,” he called softly.

She paused then turned to him and apologized, “I was wrong to kiss you. I am sorry. It was foolish.”

“Please don’t be,” Peeta assured her. He reached out and pushed her hair behind her ear. “I know that I am not sorry and it felt anything other than foolish. I have never been kissed like that.”

Katniss caught his hand with hers and cast her gaze downward. “Nor have I,” she whispered so softly that he could barely hear it.

His jaw dropped open at the confession. _Surely Gale had kissed her like that._

“Peeta, please let’s forget about what happened,” she pleaded and stepped back from him. “Let’s please go back to being simply friends.”

“But why?”

“It isn’t proper,” she excused. “I won’t be done mourning for a while yet. I will not risk my family’s reputation, it is one of the few things we have.”

Peeta nodded. He had no choice but to agree, and he knew that it would impossible to reason with Katniss at the moment. But there was a problem with her suggestion—he didn’t want to forget.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.
> 
> PSA- Remember reviews are the only way that fanfic authors have of know how you felt about their work. Every chapter represents hours of hard work by the authors and betas. Don’t get me wrong, follows and favorites are great but nothing is more exciting to an author than actual feedback. You may not think that a few words really mean much but I can tell you that it does. Sometimes reviews are the only things that inspire a writer to keep a story going. I do not know a single author who does not thoughtfully read and appreciate every review.


	3. part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I know that it has been a long time since I've published anything. Sorry, real life takes precedence, but I hope that this is the start of a roll.
> 
> Thank you so much to my pre-readers ackennedy7, and louezem for the help and cheerleading. I also want to express my gratitude to Court, who did her beta magic and had this edited for me in just a few hours. You ladies rock!

 

**The Reconstruction of a Heart**

**Part 3**

**Peeta**

As soon as they entered the house, Katniss excused herself to bed, leaving Peeta alone with his thoughts. He tried to draw to occupy his mind as he usually did, but he found that his pencil would not cooperate; he was much too distracted. So instead, he got ready for bed and tried to find rest, which was a useless pursuit.

Peeta waited until long after he ceased to hear movement upstairs before he allowed himself to reflect on the kiss in the barn. It had stirred so many feelings and emotions within him. While her lips were pressed to his it was pure bliss. His body and soul came alive; her kiss was sweeter than he ever imagined. Her surprising admission that she'd never been kissed like that before had given him hope that someday she might be able to love him in return.

Then his moment of happiness was shattered when she told him to simply forget about what had passed between them. But Peeta knew that he could never forget and had no intention of doing so.

Peeta likened his present situation to some bizarre form of purgatory; he was so close to his heart's desire, having been allowed to touch and taste her, and yet so he was still so far from being able to be with her. It was so frustrating. Unable to soothe the ache deep in his heart, he thought that at least relieving the ache elsewhere might allow him to sleep some, but he could not do that either.

Before, he'd been able to push back inappropriate thoughts about Katniss. In the earliest days, it was easier to be near her and not long for her. The memory of Gale was enough to put him off, but now Peeta was finding it more difficult not to fantasize about her. And now that he'd actually held her, and tasted her kiss, nothing would ever be the same again.

_I can't believe that she kissed me!_ In his dreams before, he was the one who kissed her; he'd gathered her up in his arms and kissed her, gently at first and then more daringly.

He could feel his member start to stiffen. A part of him thought that it would be wrong to pleasure himself to thoughts of her, but his body demanded some sort of release—it had been ages since he'd found completion and he was beyond frustrated. Katniss was everywhere he turned, and even when he was alone in bed, she was there. The room he slept in had been hers before he came to the farm, and even after all this time it smelled of her. Sometimes he found the scent of her comforting but other times, like now, it was maddening. Although he was tempted, he refused; he had promised himself that would not pleasure himself with thoughts of her while in this house; it seemed wrong to think of her in the place where she and Gale once lived as husband and wife.

"God, give me strength," he muttered into his pillow, and tried to not dwell on his carnal urges. He spent a restless night tossing and turning, denying himself pleasure.

He awoke early the next morning in hopes of getting a moment alone with Katniss. He fired up the cook stove well before sunrise and started a pot of coffee and began to carve off slices of the ham and boiled water for eggs.

Peeta was disappointed but still managed to smile when Posy came clattering down the stairs first, followed by Vick and Prim. Katniss came down the stairs a few moments later and looked as tired as he felt; she must have had a restless night too.

The family chatted about the usual things, like what chores needed to be done for the day. Vick brought up the new barn that the Odairs where building.

That reminded Peeta of a promise he'd made to Finnick. He informed the group, "Finnick asked that I go with him today to purchase supplies for the new anyone need anything while I'm in town?"

"Some nails and canning supplies. I'll make a list," Katniss said, and poured herself and Peeta cups of coffee, adding sugar to hers and milk to his. Peeta gave her a shy smile when she handed him the mug and their fingers touched briefly. Katniss's cheeks flushed at the moment of connection.

Peeta could tell that Katniss was trying her best to act as if nothing had happened the night before. He did not know how to feel; he did not want things between them to continue to be awkward, but he knew that he could not go to fooling himself that he felt only friendship towards her. As much as he hated to be parted from her, he thought that a day away from her would give him some clarity.

By the time morning chores were done, Finnick was driving his wagon and team of mules in the lane, with his young son, Noah, sitting next to him. Everyone came out into the yard to greet their neighbors.

"You're taking Noah to town today?" Prim asked. Peeta saw her casting her sister a questioning look.

"Yes, Annie and Grandma Mags are getting ready for the barn raising," Finnick replied. "Between Annie being tired from the pregnancy, making sure that Mags doesn't try to do too much, and having Noah underfoot, it is all but impossible for her to get anything done. So I thought that I'd bring him with me."

Katniss bit her lip and looked at the little boy for a moment before she suggested, "Why don't you leave him with us? Posy can keep him busy. Five miles is a long way for a little one on a wagon, and it looks like it could rain. You'll get finished with your business much quicker without him."

Finnick looked at his three-year-old son and then at Katniss, "Are you sure? I would hate to trouble you."

"Daddy, please let me stay!" the little boy begged. "I want to play with Posy!"

"It will be fine; he won't be any trouble," Katniss promised, and held her arms out to take the little boy. Finnick handed over his son.

Katniss took him in her arms and set him on her hip and whispered, "You're getting so big."

"Yep, I wear breeches now," the little boy replied. Katniss set him down and he ran towards Posy.

While everyone else's attention was on Noah as he asked where the yellow kitty was, Peeta watched Katniss as her eyes followed the little boy; he swore he saw them glisten with tears. She quickly recovered and pulled a list out of her skirt pocket.

"Here is a list of what I'll need in town," she said, and handed him the slip of paper. He reached out to take it and he squeezed her hand.

"You alright?" he breathed out so only she could hear.

She quickly nodded and pulled her hand away. "Have a safe trip."

Peeta climbed up onto the wagon seat next to Finnick and they said their farewells and were on their way. He liked Katniss's neighbor. From the first time Peeta and Finnick met, they were able to share easy conversation. Mr. Odair was wounded at Gettysburg; stories of his skills with a bayonet were near legendary in his unit and Peeta had heard of Private Odair long before he met him. The two men hardly spoke of the war, but it was nice to be able spend time someone who could relate to what Peeta had been through.

Once they were off the property, Finnick said, "I'm glad that Katniss offered to keep Noah, although I know that it is hard on her."

"Why is that?" Peeta asked, in ignorance.

Finnick said in a low tone, "Because Noah is the same age her child would have been."

Now Katniss's sober reaction to the child made sense. He had been curious about the story of Katniss's child ever since Haymitch had told him about it, yet he didn't know how to bring it up. He didn't want to ask Katniss, because it seemed wrong. He had thought of asking Prim, but he didn't think it appropriate to ask an unmarried woman about her sister's pregnancy. Vick and Posy were also out of the question, because of their age.

"Haymitch told me that there was a child but nothing more," Peeta admitted.

Finnick kept his attention on his mules as he recounted the story. "Gale and I were sent home about the same time. He was only home a few weeks before he tried to go re-enlist. I wasn't home but a couple of months and when Annie told me that she was expecting and we were excited. Katniss told Annie that she found out that she was expecting days after Gale left.

"I really felt for Katniss during that time, Gale had up and left her, again. Then Hazelle took a turn for the worse and died right before the harvest. Katniss was trying to help bring in the corn crop, with a big belly when she ought to have been in a bed. Everyone tried to help. Haymitch and his hired men came nearly every day. I helped when I could, but Katniss would not let up. Winter was coming and she pushed herself too hard. She went into labor far too soon…the baby, a little girl, was stillborn. Rory later told me that he and Prim wrapped it up in a blanket and buried it next to Hazelle."

"That is an awful story," Peeta said sadly. So many things made sense now, her melancholy nature.  _I always that much of of her somberness stemmed from being a widow alone._

"Katniss was changed after that. She is still stronger than any soldier I've ever known," Finnick stated sincerely, "but losing the baby was a turning point. I've hardly seen her smile since…Well, that was, until you came around."

"She kissed me last night," Peeta told his companion, not to boast, but to confide in someone.

Finnick turned and gave Peeta a blank look before it melted into a smile. "Hell's bells son!" Finnick laughed and slapped him on the back. "That's the best thing I've heard in ages. What did she say?"

"That she was sorry and that we ought to forget about it," Peeta answered heavily.

"Well, that sounds like an answer she would give." Finnick sighed. Then he questioned, "What are your intentions with her?"

"I'd like to marry her. I wouldn't have returned the kiss if I was not serious about her." "That's good to hear," Finnick chuckled.

"Do you think she would have me?" Peeta asked.

"I would call her simple if she wouldn't have you." "I'm in hell," Peeta acknowledged."I must wait for her to finish mourning a man that more and more I am starting to feel never deserved her."

"Gale used her mistreated her."

"It is worse than that."

"How so?"

"I know that he was not faithful," Peeta said matter-of-factly. "I wonder sometimes if I should tell her."

Finnick did not look surprised and took a long while before replying. "Is there any way for her find out?" Peeta shook his head. "Then do not tell her. It would look like you were attacking him and you would only diminish his memory. It would gain you nothing and only cause her pain. Let a sleeping dog lie."

Peeta agreed and they spoke no more on the subject; instead they spoke about the new barn that Finnick was building and his upcoming barn-raising, which was to be the Seam social event if the year.

**Katniss**

"Missus Katniss, can I have a drink?" Noah Odair asked her.

"Of course, Noah," she replied, and found him a tin cup and filled it with water. The little boy gulped it down and ran back outside. She watched him wistfully; a part of her was not able to look at him without some sense of guilt.

When she discovered that she was pregnant, she was not happy. She cursed herself and Gale for allowing it to happen. She had so much to deal with already, and she was not ready to care for one more hungry mouth. Although the rest of the family had been happy about the child, Hazelle especially, Katniss had a terrible feeling of foreboding the whole time. The child had never moved like she was told it ought to. Finally when she had seen Hazelle starting to fade, she had embraced the thought of motherhood, thinking that the baby would help to fill the void that Hazelle would leave behind, but it wasn't to be.

Katniss fought back the tears and tried to push away the memory. She didn't want to recall the blood, the painful labor, and Prim telling her that the baby would not breathe. She had known that the baby wouldn't, but it still hurt to hear. She had been given only one chance at motherhood and she didn't even want the child until it was gone, and she'd never forgiven herself for it.

Katniss had to sit and bury her head in her hands and try to regain her composure; she was usually able to push that terrible memory to back of her mind.

Prim walked into the house from playing with the children. She sat in a chair, winded from her activities, "No wonder Annie needs a break. Noah is very busy."

"I'm sure she is exhausted," Katniss agreed. "Taking care of Finnick would be hard enough, a little Finnick would be even harder."

"Maybe the next baby will be a little girl, that would be nice for Annie," Prim said conversationally, obviously unaware of what her sister had been ruminating on.

"Yes, it would be," Katniss said softly, afraid that if she spoke in a normal tone that her voice would crack.

Prim looked around as if to make sure that they were alone, and asked with a hushed tone, "What did I interrupt between you and Peeta last night?"

"Nothing, I was only helping Peeta put his horse away," Katniss fibbed, and poorly at that.

"It didn't appear to be  _nothing_ ," Prim said teasingly. Katniss gave her sister a warning look. Prim wiped the smile off her face and said, more seriously, "I would not think less of you if you liked him Katniss, no one would. I'm very sure that he admires you."

"It's not like that," she whispered, "and you know why it never can be."

"This isn't about what that incompetent doctor said, is it?" Prim asked exasperatedly. "Anyhow even he said that more miscarriages were only a possibility. There was so much going on during that time. Mrs. Seeder said that the stress alone was enough to make you lose the baby and I'm sure that she's delivered more babies than that arrogant doctor has."

"I cannot risk even the chance," Katniss said, to remind herself more than her sister. "I can't go through that again…And  _if_  I cared for Peeta I couldn't do that to him. He deserves a wife who can give him children."

"I don't want to see you toss away the chance to be content. Peeta is such a good man and he seems to be very taken with you—"

Katniss cut off her sister. "Prim, please don't."

"I didn't mean to upset you," Prim said sadly. "I only want to see you happy."

"What makes you think that I'm not?" Katniss asked. "I have my family here with me."

"Katniss, Rory and I are going to be married when he returns, Vick is only a few years away from being a man, and Posy is half grown. What happens when everyone leaves?"

"Nobody will go far." Katniss was convinced that it was the truth

"How do you know?" Prim questioned. "Rory has no real desire to run the farm. He is learning how to survey land and says that he would like to take it up as a profession. We may not always be here. Vick is a bright boy and has expressed interest in being a doctor. Posy will eventually marry—she's not likely end up as an old maid."

Katniss rolled her eyes, Posy was nine; talking about her getting married was ridiculous. She knew that Prim had some valid points, but Katniss just couldn't think about them right now. Instead she took refuge in the barn and lavished some attention on Lady in her stall. Thinking about the old goat's pain took her mind off her own.

Peeta

"So what exactly happens at a barn raising?" Peeta asked a few days later as he rode Demeter next to the Hawthornes' wagon, headed towards the Odair farm. Since Peeta was raised in a town, he was ignorant about country ways. His mother always looked down her nose at farmers and he was never allowed to associate with them. "Finnick told me a little, but I'm still unsure about the details."

Posy was happy to be the one to tell him, "The men put up the barn and the women cook and sew and at the end of the day everyone dances! Do you like to dance?"

Peeta laughed. "Not really, I have two left feet."

He was lying; he could dance a fair, bit but he really didn't want to dance if it couldn't be with Katniss. With her officially being in mourning she would not be dancing.

It had been nearly a week since the kiss and he really hadn't seen much of her. Every day, after morning chores, Peeta went to the Odair farm to help Finnick and he didn't return until late. In the little time they were together she was warm and pleasant with him one moment and then distant the next. But it did not bother Peeta.

He felt like he understood her a little better since Finnick told him the story of her child. In many ways she was as just as damaged as he was, if not more so. But that did not dissuade him; in fact it made him feel closer to her.

They arrived at the Odair farm, where there were already several people present. The stone foundation was already set into the hillside. Finnick was the first in the area to attempt the newest type of barn called a bank barn. He had spent years planning on how to build it. The hill would allow him to easily put away hay and straw and keep the livestock in the lower part of the barn. He had spent countless hours removing dirt from the hill and building the foundation.

Finnick greeted them enthusiastically. "Welcome, you're just in time, we've got a hog roasting and we just started to assemble the barn sides."

Peeta and Vick went with Finnick and the women headed towards the house. Katniss looked back at him as he walked away; he knew this because he had done the same.

Finnick got Peeta started cutting boards to length. With all the hands, the progress was quick. As the sun got higher in the sky, the barn started to come together. While barn building was new to him, Peeta was a quick study. The work was hot and the women frequently brought around buckets of water.

When it was Katniss carrying the bucket, he always flagged her down for a drink. One time while he was waving for Katniss, Bonnie Turner, a sweet but plain eighteen-year-old girl with a crooked smile came all but running towards him with her bucket and ladle.

Bonnie reached him first and he did not miss the annoyed look that Katniss cast the girl. He secretly liked it; at least it let him know that Katniss felt something for him. The blushing girl was very eager to be of service to Peeta, and he was polite to her yet tried very hard not to mislead her.

"Where were you going to sit at mealtime?" Bonnie asked him, while batting her eyelashes.

"I was planning on sitting with the Hawthornes," he told her.

Bonnie looked a little disappointed but she was not done. "I made some blackberry tarts."

He didn't want to hurt her feelings outright. "Perhaps later."

"Bonnie," Katniss called out, and approached Peeta. "Thom looks a bit parched and a fly landed in my bucket. Why don't you go give him a drink?"

"Yes, Mrs. Hawthorne," Bonnie said dejectedly and left to give water to a young man nearer to her own age.

As soon as the girl had turned her back, Peeta looked into the bucket—there was no fly. He raised an eyebrow at Katniss.

He saw a flash of pink grace her cheeks as she tried to excuse herself in a whisper, "Thom has been sweet on her for years. I'm only steering her in the right direction."

Peeta chuckled and gave her a covert wink before she moved on.

**Katniss**

It was too hot to eat and the men did not want to stop their momentum, so they opted to not break for lunch. The barn grew in the sky. The women and children watched in awe as thirty-foot walls were hoisted into the air. If one man were not able to handle his part, it all could come crashing down and cause many casualties.

While the men worked, the women brought them refreshments, and when they weren't checking on the men, the women worked on the barn-raising quilt, which would be given to the Odairs to mark the occasion. The unmarried girls sat on the ground, cutting the material, and gossiped about girlish things while the married and widowed women sat on chairs around a quilt frame doing much of the same, gossiping.

Katniss watched the men; she kept a watchful eye on Vick, who had volunteered to climb high in the rafters to help set posts. She was also aware of what Peeta was up to. Currently he was using his considerable strength to drive heavy wooden pins into the beams, securing them in to place. She was warm watching him and she knew that it had nothing to do with the summer heat.

She must not have been the only one watching him.

"That young Mr. Mellark can sure drive a nail," the brazen thirty-year-old widow, Cassie Mere, said to the group. Several of them giggled in response, although Katniss and Annie not join them. "Mrs. Hawthorne, do tell us, do you know if he has a sweetheart anywhere?"

Katniss did not know if she was being baited or if it was a legitimate question. She was about to answer as diplomatically as she could muster, but thankfully Annie Odair weighed in, scolding the woman playfully. "Cassie, you are far too old to be interested in Mr. Mellark."

"I maybe a few years his senior, but I am not blind to his appeal," Mrs. Mere smiled. "I garner that even Grandma Odair has noticed his charms."

Everyone looked to the octogenarian, who gave them a toothless smile and said with a twinkle in her eye, "I am not blind yet."

Even Katniss had to smile at that, but it quickly disappeared when the young widow again posed, "So Katniss, is he otherwise engaged?"

Katniss tried to give a vague answer, hoping to end the other woman's interest. "I do not know, but he has told me that he is currently sweet on a young woman."

"Hmmm, well who ever she is she's lucky," Mrs. Mere sighed. "I suppose that I'll have to settle on someone with a little less choice."

The topic of conversation moved on to something else, although Katniss's mind dwelled on how upsetting the thought of Cassie Mere trying to seduce Peeta was to her. A naive girl like Bonnie was easy to deal with—she was a young girl who simply wanted attention from a man. But someone like the widow Mere would know how to keep Peeta's attention.

She was so engrossed in her own thoughts that she stabbed herself with a needle, drawling blood. Annie noticed and exclaimed, "Oh, Katniss, you've poked yourself. Let's go to the house and I'll put some witch hazel on it."

The wound was not bad, but Katniss was happy to get away from the group. Annie led the way into the house and pulled out a box full of medicine bottles and fresh bandages. "I've had to patch Finnick up several times since he started this barn. I'll be so happy when it's finished and I'm not constantly worrying about him," Annie shared, and dabbed a cloth of the pungent fluid on puncture wound. "Thank you for watching Noah the other day. It was a nice little break, Grandma and I got a lot done."

"You're welcome, I was glad to help," Katniss assured her friend.

"Peeta has some admirers," Annie smiled. "It is only because he is new to Seam. Everyone will get used to him soon and he won't be such a novelty."

"They had better not get too used to him. He will be gone before winter comes." She wanted Peeta to leave when he said that he would, not so much because she wanted him gone, but because she couldn't stomach the thought of him being near her when she was so determined not to have him. Although she knew that she'd missed Peeta terribly in the last few days that he'd been helping Finnick, the thought of his being gone forever was a painful one.

"Will he now?" Annie asked with a raised eyebrow. "I think that he may have a reason or two to stay."

Katniss did not answer and instead looked out the window, only to see Haymitch in a cart loaded down with kegs of what could only be ale riding next to him. Beside him was the last person in the world that she really cared to see, Madge Undersee, along with Miss Trinket, both dressed far too fancy for the affair.  _The odds are not in my favor today._

"Haymitch is here," Katniss told Annie.

"Oh, good that means that it is nearly supper time," Annie said, rubbing her pregnant belly. "I don't know about you, but I'm famished. Will you get some men to pull the hog out of the pit?"

"Of course," Katniss agreed, happy to have a job that kept her busy and out of the way.

Annie left to greet Haymitch, and Katniss recruited Vick and a few of his friends to carry the hog on a spit and proceeded to get ready for dinner.

Dinner was ready just before sunset. The skeleton of the barn was in place, along with the floor of second story. There was still much work to be done, shingles and siding needed to be hung, but the most dangerous work was finished.

The bonfire was lit and Finnick declared work to be done for the day; he thanked everyone graciously and said the invocation.

Dinner was a big affair and everyone was hungry. Katniss was so busy serving that she didn't get a chance to eat until everyone else was done, and then she only partook of some pork, stuffed into a biscuit. A single fiddler played for the crowd.

Finnick, always eager to show off for a crowd, offered his wife his hand and pulled her out into the yard to dance. Other dancers soon followed; this was as close to a ball as most people in Seam would ever get. Young couples swayed in the fading light, dancing a country version of the waltz.

There were many young ladies standing on the sidelines looking for dance partners; Prim was among them, but most of the young men were more interested in the ale over dancing for the time being.

Peeta found Katniss as she began to clean up. "We missed you at dinner," he said sincerely.

"You mean that Bonnie didn't share her tarts with you?" Katniss teased.

Peeta chuckled, "No, Thom was keeping her company." He caught her eye and then said in a soft tone, "I wished that you would have kept me company though. I not only missed you at dinner, I've been missing you over the last week. We've hardly gotten to talk."

"I've missed you too," Katniss whispered and felt her face flush with his words, and was grateful for the fading light. She then cleared her throat. "It is a shame that you don't dance. Prim looks like she could use a partner…She loves dancing more than anything." Katniss smiled, "And that is saying a lot considering how many things Prim loves."

"Yes, yes it does," he agreed. "Are you a dancer?"

She was taken aback by the question; it was not something that she was usually asked, even before she was married. She explained, "Growing up, Prim always wanted the lady's part, so I had to take the gentleman's part. I never learned how to be led." A bittersweet smile graced her face when she recalled, "Gale tried to teach me, but he wasn't much of a teacher."

"I have a secret for you," Peeta said, and came a little closer; she could smell ale on his breath. "I can dance, I just didn't want to if it couldn't be with you."

His words sent a chill down her spine. She knew that the alcohol was making him a bit bolder than usual. "I see that you've been into Haymitch's barrels."

"I've had a pint and that is all. I am used to true German beer, which is much stronger," he informed her with a playful grin. "Don't worry, I can handle my ale."

Katniss chuckled. His face became more sincere. "If it would please you, I could ask Prim for a dance."

She looked at her sister, who was swaying slightly to the music. Prim missed Rory so much, and dancing would bring a smile to her face. "Yes, it would please me, very much."

"I would do anything and everything in my power to please you, Katniss," he confessed and looked her in the eye. She felt that familiar tension in the air. "You realize that, don't you?"

"Then go, please, dance with Prim," she whispered.

Peeta nodded his head and parted from her, walking towards Prim.

Katniss sensed someone approaching her. "Good evening, sweetheart," Haymitch greeted, with a large mug in each hand.

"Evening, Haymitch," she returned. "It was nice of you to show up when all the work was done."

"I felt that I was doing everyone a service by keeping Miss Trinket out of the way," he joked. "And I was doing  _you_  a service by keeping Madge out of your way."

"I do thank you for that," Katniss told him. "Also I apologize for my behavior at your home. I should not have reacted the way that I did."

"Ahh, do not fret, I do not blame you," he replied. "I thought of forcing her to go and make peace with you, but unfortunately she inherited the Undersee self-righteousness and it would not be sincere. I am glad that Maysilee never saw how Madge has turned out. She would be disappointed."

Katniss watched Peeta talk to Prim; she could tell that they were waiting for the next song to start before they danced. The fiddler started to play a lively line dance. Peeta led Prim out to the dancing area of the yard. Next to them, Cassie Mere and Darius Stone, which meant that at one point or another Peeta and Mrs. Mere would be paired up.

Katniss felt her stomach drop; she'd only wanted Peeta to dance with Prim, not other women.

Haymitch held out a tankard to her. "No one will notice," he promised, and pushed the mug of ale into her hands and she took it gratefully, knowing that a little alcohol would make the evening easier to it were a typical social gathering, she'd never accept the drink, but tonight it was a welcome sight. Katniss took a large gulp of the lukewarm ale and gave Haymitch a quick thank you.

The couples all danced with smiles on their faces. Peeta swung Mrs. Mere around. She was smiling prettily at him. Katniss took another deep drink from her cup.

Haymitch cleared his throat and said, "You know you keep giving Mellark cold the shoulder, he'll go looking elsewhere for warmth."

"He needs to," she said firmly.

Haymitch hooked her by the arm and led her away from the sight of the crowd, "Sweetheart, I am going to tell you this once and then I'll never bring it up again."

Katniss scowled at him, but nodded her head that she was willing to listen.

"You could do a lot worse," Haymitch told her plainly.

"I don't plan to remarry," she said smartly. "You never remarried, so why are you lecturing me?"

"I never remarried because I've never met anyone who I could make a good life with…people like that are hard to find. I've had it once, I doubt that I'd find it again."

"Maybe I feel the same way," Katniss shrugged.

Haymitch laughed, as if she told him a joke, "You hardly married for love. You're getting another chance and I don't want to see you waste it. Mellark is a good man. There is something special between you and him."

"He deserves things that I can't give him," she said in a low tone.

Haymitch was silent for a moment; he then said in a thick voice, "I knew when I married Maysilee that we'd never have children. It wasn't that I didn't want children, but I wanted her more. I knew and didn't care. I was happy for the time I had with her and wouldn't trade it for anything."

"What are you trying to tell me?" Katniss pleaded, unsure of what he meant by telling her this story.

"I am saying let him be the one to decide if he wants to cast his lot with you or not," Haymitch said. "He already knows that you are surly, stubborn, and independent, and he still likes you anyhow. Another one like him won't come along again."

The dance had ended and a new one started. Peeta went to the sideline and pulled out Grandma Mags. Everyone hooted and hollered as he carefully spun her around to the music.

Katniss smiled at the sight and confessed, "I couldn't do any better, that is for certain."

She drained her mug and exchanged it for Haymitch's nearly full one, nodding her head at him. They knew each other well. He was her mentor of sorts, he took had taken her under his wing when she was left to run the farm on her own, teaching her modern techniques and giving her guidance. Haymitch knew with her nod that she was going to consider his words.

She again walked out to where the bulk of the partygoers were dancing and watched for a while. There were now many more dancers; the ale must have enticed more young men to go stepping. Katniss saw Peeta dancing with a blonde who was not Prim. It was Madge. The sight was even more sickening than him with Mrs. Mere was. Madge looked happy and seemed like she was in deep conversation with Peeta, although he didn't look so serene, and his look of discontentment kept Katniss from being cross with him.

Katniss faded back into the shadows. She just wanted a moment to think on her own for a little while. A valid excuse for leaving was to check on the younger members of the family. Posy and some of her little friends were mimicking the adults by dancing in their own little circle. Her little sister-in-law told her that Vick and some of his friends were gigging frogs in the nearby pond, before she ran off to be with her friends again.

Katniss was left alone and Prim's word's came back to haunt her:  _'What happens when everyone leaves?'_ Katniss had to pause; she'd never thought of it. She'd been too busy just surviving one day at a time that she never thought of the future. Hers was bleak and lonely.  _A pair of warm strong arms on a cold winter's night would be a comfort._

_What will happen if I tell Peeta that I may never have children?_

_He will leave and find someone else to love. But maybe, if he truly cares for me, he won't care._

Her mind was made up—she was going to tell Peeta about what had happened in the past. She would go and find him and tell him right now. Katniss was walking around a bit aimlessly as she thought, her head swam with anticipation and ale.

Maybe it was because she was distracted, perhaps the alcohol made her less cautious, or it was simply because it was dark. She stepped into shallow spot in the ground. She felt something pop and her ankle gave way, sending her tumbling to the ground and spilling what was left in her stein.

"Blast," she cursed under her breath. She thought of calling for help, only to think better of it. She was soaked in beer and would be mistaken for being very drunk and careless. She did not want the wrong person to find her. Testing her ankle by putting weight on it made her sob out, so instead she inched her way under a tree and leaned against the trunk and thought it best to wait for someone to come looking for her. The pain in her ankle started to scream for her attention. She gritted her teeth, withheld her tears, and prayed that someone she could trust would happen upon her soon.

_But the odds are never in my favor,_ she thought.

**Peeta**

When Peeta volunteered to ask Prim for a dance, it was his intention to only dance once.

Prim was happy to dance with him. She mused, "I thought that you couldn't dance?"

"I fibbed," he admitted.

"I know why you did." Prim gave him an encouraging smile, "Katniss will come around eventually."

"I hope so," he said softly, and that was the end of the conversation and they enjoyed the dance.

When the dance was over, he saw Grandma Mags standing in the crowd and he thought that maybe she would like join in the fun. The other day he had overheard her talking about the parties she attended in her youth. Her face lit up when he offered her his hand. As soon as their turn was over, Peeta found himself cornered by Madge Undersee.

"Lieutenant Mellark, you dance so well, you surprised me with your grace during the line dance," Madge praised. "Most men here don't really know how to dance. I have had my toes stepped on at least three times already."

"Oh?" he feigned concern.

"If you dance with me, my little toes might receive some mercy," she hinted.

"I doubt it," he joked.

"Why don't we see?" Madge said, and took him by the hand and pulled him into the middle of the dancers.

The song that was playing was a slow waltz. It was for did not want to dance, but abandoning Madge at this point would reflect poorly on him, so he had no choice but to stay.

He took Madge and put a hand against her corseted waist and her gloved hand in the other and stood a respectful distance away from her, if not a few inches more than necessary.

They started the motions of the dance. Madge smiled dreamily. "This is nothing compared to the balls we have in Cincinnati."

"I suppose not, but I think I like this better than town dances," Peeta owned. "Everyone looks as if they are having a good time."

"Except Katniss," Madge sighed. "It must be difficult to be a grieving widow at a social gathering. They cannot really participate and yet they can see all the enjoyment being had. Then they can only wear those bleak black dresses."

Peeta set his jaw. He didn't want to say anything; he had a feeling that he was tested.

Madge suddenly asked an unexpected question. "Do you have any plans for the future?"

"No, not as of yet," Peeta admitted. His eyes scanned the crowd. He hoped to catch a glimpse of Katniss,which he did. She was watching him with a blank expression on her face.

"Nothing in general?" Madge questioned to recall his attention. "A wife?Children?"

"I supposed that that much I would like very much to have," he had to admit. As he turned, he sought out Katniss again, but she was gone from her spot.  _Damn it, she thinks that I asked Madge to dance!_

"Too bad that Katniss will never be able to bear a child again," Madge said nonchalantly. "There is a rumor going around that a doctor told her that she was barren."

Peeta felt his face flush in anger, and he had to force himself to continue dancing. It annoyed him that someone who had already attacked the one he cared so much for was belittling her yet again. He looked Madge in the eye. "Did you never hear that it was a sin to spread gossip?"

Madge was stunned silent for the rest of the dance, which wasn't too much longer. Peeta dropped his arms and left the young woman where she stood. He wanted to find Katniss, but he knew that it would not be respectable for him to openly ask where she was. He had to be subtle when he looked for her. He walked over to the barrels of ale to get a refill and to seek Katniss out along the way. She was nowhere to be found. He subtly asked people he knew he could trust—Finnick, Annie, and Prim—if they had seen Katniss, but no one had. He saw Posy and asked her and she pointed him in the direction of where she (had last seen) last saw Katniss.

_Madge was most likely only being malicious_ , he reasoned while he searched. But if what she said was true—what did that mean to him?

_Does it even matter?_ There were stories of diagnosed barren women giving birth to a houseful of children and woman who were the pictures of health never conceiving. There were no promises in life. _No—barren or fertile, if Katniss was willing to have me, I would be content._

Finally he found her sitting against a maple tree.

"I have been looking all over for you," he said softly. She turned her head towards him, and she looked as if she were ready to cry. He worried that he was the cause. "Oh my God, Katniss, what is wrong?"

"I fell," she squeaked. "I fear that I may have twisted my ankle."

Peeta knelt and was about to lift her skirt, only to think better of it. "Let me get some help," he said.

"No, please don't," she pled. "I smell like a brewery. Everyone will say that I was drunk. Damn Haymitch."

Peeta wanted to disagree, but he knew that she was right. Madge would have a heyday gossiping about this.

"I'll find Finnick," Peeta told her, and before she could argue, quickly he went in search of their host. He found him talking to Haymitch over a drink. Peeta told them what happened and urged them to come to where Katniss sat.

"Damn, sweetheart, you only had two!" Haymitch teased when she saw Katniss.

She gave him a scowl and complained, "This is all your fault."

Haymitch helped her to her feet. "Let's see you put some weight on it." Katniss attempted to stand, only to crumple. Peeta caught her and felt her body shake with pain. He feared that it was much worse than a sprain. "Well that didn't work," Haymitch shrugged and pulled a flask from his coat. "Drink this, it will help with the pain."

Katniss did not hesitate from drinking the contents.

Peeta looked at Finnick and Haymitch for clues as to what to do next. The men spoke and agreed that it would not be wise to take her foot out of her shoe, and even if they did, they had no clue what to do with the injury.

"Why don't you take her on home on your horse, Peeta," Finnick urged. "Everyone doesn't need to see her like this. Go and get your horse. I'll send Prim home after you. She can patch her up better than anyone. We'll tell everyone that Katniss was ill."

Peeta quickly saddled Demeter and quietly led her to where Katniss was sat. When he came back, Finnick lifted Katniss onto the horse, setting her sidesaddle in front of Peeta. He enclosed an arm around her to hold her steady and headed off towards the Hawthorne farm, their way lit by the bright moon.

Demeter was set at a trot; Peeta wanted to get Katniss home as quickly as he could. She let out a whimper of pain every now and again.

"I'm so sorry," Peeta would whisper in her hair. The position forced them closer than they had been in ages; it was intimate. Katniss shifted her hold from his saddle to him wrapping her arms around him.

Finally they reached the Hawthorne house and Peeta carried her inside, as groom would a bride. He fumbled a bit in the darkness to find his room, where he laid her gently on the bed.

He lit three lamps and placed them around the room. Upon seeing her face clearly for the first time, he could see that she was in agony.

"How does it feel now?" he asked.

"Not good," she winced, and fished Haymitch's flask from her skirt pocket and took a sip, although she was already tipsy.

Peeta took the flask from her and teased, "You know whiskey really doesn't help the pain? It only dulls your senses."

"Right now that is good enough," she smiled, and looked down to her feet, and pulled her skirt up slightly. "Peeta, could you take my boots off, please? My ankle is swelling and it is getting really uncomfortable."

Peeta nodded his head, sat at the end of the bed, and obeyed her request, starting with the foot that wasn't injured.

"It was sweet that you asked Grandma Mags to dance," Katniss said while he unlaced. "She looked like she was having the time of her life."

"I had a hard time keeping up with her," Peeta chuckled and pulled off the boot. She openly laughed. It was an infectious giggle, proof of how much the alcohol had affected her. He wanted to clear the air between them. "I never asked Madge to dance, she asked me, and I thought it to be bad manners to embarrass her in front of everyone."

"Someday being a gentleman will get you into trouble," she told him in scolding tone. Then she gave him a dreamy smile, "But that is what I like about you…you are so inherently good."

Peeta grinned, his heart swelled; he then started to unlace the other boot. "You won't think so in a moment." Slowly and deliberately he pulled the boot off. Katniss cried through gritted teeth. The ankle was visibly swollen through her stocking.

She bent over and her hands disappeared under her skirt and she began to work her stocking down. She got halfway down her calf before she hiccupped in pain and looked at him with pleading eyes.

"Do you want me to take that off too?" he asked. He knew that under ordinary circumstances that it would be untoward to do so.

"Please?" she whispered.

Peeta gingerly touched her warm flesh just above the sock and slid it down to the knit material and began to stretch it out as far as it would go. He sought Katniss's eyes, which were dilated with alcohol and something that he couldn't exactly place. She was biting her lip.

"Ready?" he asked.

She nodded and closed her eyes tight. He pulled off the stocking as speedily and tenderly as he could. Katniss cried out, "Damn it!"

"It's done," he announced, and began to inspect the foot which was already turning purple and had swollen almost twice its usual size.

"What do you think?" she asked.

"It is sprained, maybe broken," he conceded. "Either way you'll be house-bound for a few days, or weeks."

Katniss groaned loudly in frustration. They heard a cart hurrying up the lane, and soon the front door swung open and Prim hurried in. They heard her send Posy to bed before she entered the bedroom where they sat.

"Katniss, are you alright?" the dutiful sister asked.

"I'll be fine," Katniss told her sister with a hiccup.

"Haymitch, gave her some  _medicine,"_  Peeta whispered to Prim. She responded by rolling her eyes in a very Katniss like manner and went about inspecting her sister ankle.

Peeta excused himself to take care of the horses, although all he wanted to do was stay.

**Katniss**

"How did this happen?" Prim asked, as soon as Peeta left the house. "Finnick only said that you were hurt."

Katniss gave a brief explanation of how she stepped into a shallow. Prim got her sister a nightgown and helped her to undress.

"The ale had nothing to do with it?" Prim questioned, as she shook out her sister's damp skirt.

"I only spilled it on myself," Katniss fibbed.

Prim gave her a suspicious expression. "And what about the smell of whiskey?"

"Haymitch gave it to me as medicine," she said in a serious tone, then began to laugh, because she knew that she was drunk for the first time in her life.

"Well, maybe at least it will let you sleep, but you are going to feel awful in the morning," Prim admitted, while fighting a smile. "If I had ice, it could keep the swelling down, but since it's July, no such luck. All I can do is wrap it up tonight and see what happens in the morning."

Katniss tried her hardest not to cry while her sister worked on her ankle.

Peeta came back almost as soon as they were done and knocked on the door politely. Prim covered her sister up with the bed sheet and called for Peeta come in.

"Peeta, can you carry me to bed?" Katniss asked.

"You can't sleep with us," Prim said simply. "Posy will kick your foot all night."

"You can have the bed," Peeta offered. "I can sleep in the rocking chair."

"That would be best," Prim agreed reluctantly. "You could share with Vick if you like. His bed is small but I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

"If I can't sleep in the chair, I'll bunk up with him," Peeta assured Prim.

Prim sighed and handed Katniss the flask. "You may as well finish it off and you need to stay in bed for as long as you can."

Katniss took a swig to empty the small container, and then laid back into the bed. "Goodnight," she mumbled.

"Goodnight, call for me if you need me," Prim told her sister, blew out the lamps, and followed Peeta out the door.

Katniss lay in the darkness and suddenly felt alone. It was strange being back in her room. It was Hazelle's once and Katniss gave had given birth in this room. These thoughts never bothered her before, but now they caused panic in her muddled alcohol pulled her under into a fitful on, she would not be able to recall what exactly the dream was about, only that it scared her to no end.

She was awakened by a gentle voice. "Katniss, shhh, it's alright," he soothed—it was Peeta.

She saw his form in the darkness and reached out for him.

"Oh, Peeta," she whispered. "I don't want to be left alone."

"Shh, you won't be," he consoled her, holding her tightly, and stroked her hair. Her body shook with silent sobs. He got her a glass of water and asked her to drink it. She calmed down enough to stop crying.

"Sorry that I woke you," she apologized.

"I wasn't asleep yet," he assured her, and took her hand. "Bad dream?"

"Yes."

"Do you want me to get your sister?" he offered.

"No," she whispered. She then asked for something that she never would in any other state, "But could you lay with me?"

He sighed. "Katniss that would not be…"

She interrupted him and pulled him close. "Please, I'm frightened. I have so much I need to tell you."

"Not tonight," he told her sweetly. Katniss felt Peeta relax into the bed beside her and slip his arm under her neck and she soon was falling back into the twilight of sleep.

Peeta began to withdraw his arm, but she gripped the front of his shirt tightly with her fist and begged, "Stay with me?"

Peeta kissed her hair. She wanted him to kiss her lips and to repeat his amorous words, like he did a week prior, and yet it seemed wrong to do it here, in the house that was the home of her late husband. She was so tired and conflicted; she just wanted to be with Peeta in any way she could get him.

After a few moments, Peeta replied with a single word. She knew that it was sweet and kind, but Katniss did not exactly catch what he said. All she knew was that she fell asleep with a smile on her face for the first time in years.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> You can find me on tumblr as izzysamson.


	4. part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So…the long wait time on this updates proves a couple of things; you can’t believe a thing I say when it comes to the length of my fics and when they will be will be completed. I sincerely apologize for wait, life has thrown me some unexpected curves and it has compromised my writing time.
> 
> Thank you to Louzem who was gracious enough to pre-read and give me some wonderful advice when I was ready to throw my hands up.
> 
> I also want to sing the praises of Court, who is such a talented and generous person, because without her help my work would not be near the quality that it is. Thank you so much my dear friend!

 

**The Reconstruction of a Heart**

**Part 4**

**Peeta**

**July 1865**

Peeta opened his eyes and was shocked to see daylight. He had actually slept through the night for the first time he’d seen battle. He felt something warm snuggled up against him—it was Katniss. It took him a moment to remember how they’d ended up together in bed. He knew that he ought to leave and never speak of it again, like the kiss.

He removed himself from her as carefully as he could. He did not want to disturb her injured ankle, although that was nearly impossible on the unstable straw mattress and besides, he weighed nearly twice as much as her. She shifted in the bed slightly, opened her eyes, and sat up.

“How are you feeling?”he inquired.

In reply, her face contorted in pain and her hand flew to her mouth. She looked green and Peeta knew what would happen next. As quickly as he could, he grabbed the large pottery bowl that sat next to the washbasin and set it in her lap.

Katniss was promptly was sick in it, retching until her stomach was finally empty. He petted her back affectionately, like a parent would an ill child, and offered her some water. When she was finished she fell back against the pillows, her eyes closing. He silently took the bowl away. Outside, he dumped the contents in the in the rubbish pile and rinsed it out and set it aside to be scoured with lye later.

When he returned to the house, he lit the stove and put on a pot of coffee.

Upon his reentering the bedroom, Katniss’s face was red, and Peeta knew that it wasn’t just from her involuntary purging. She clearly did not like being the ward and was used to being the caretaker.

“I’m sorry,” Katniss mumbled, hiding her face in the pillow.

“I’ve seen much worse,” he assured her, and got a clean shirt from the drawer. “Once when the camp cook got a hold of rations, he was so eager to make breakfast that he started making cornpone before daylight.” He sat on the edge of the bed. “We all started eating and it only took one bite for us all to find that there were maggots in the cornmeal. Old Woof, he screamed like a little girl and started to vomit all over the place, which made about a half dozen men sick in return…it was a mess.”

Katniss smiled despite herself. “You’re going to make me sick again telling that story.”

“Sorry,” he only half apologized. “I just thought that you’d like to know that I’ve experienced much worse and I think nothing of it.”

“Did you get sick?” she posed.

“No, it wasn’t the first time I ate buggy baked goods.” Her mouth dropped at his confession. “My mother is very frugal. _Waste not, want not,_ she’d always say. If we had weevil-infested flour, Mother would make our bread with it. If we didn’t eat, it was even worse. She’d keep it until it was stale and she’d still make us eat it. We boys learned early on to eat it up, the only thing worse than weevil bread was weevil toast and bread pudding.”

She gave him a sympathetic expression. “I think that is the first time that you’ve spoken about your mother.”

“I don’t like to.”

“Is she still alive?” Katniss ventured cautiously.

With a bitter smile he shared, “The last time I heard, she is. I got a letter a year ago from Albert, my oldest brother, and it sounded like Mother was alive and as cross as ever.” 

He could see more questions forming on her lips, but the sound of footsteps above them stopped the conversation. Peeta excused himself to go outside and change his shirt before he started breakfast.

“How did you sleep?” Prim asked him when she came down the stairs. “You must have an awful kink in your neck from sleeping in the chair.”

“No, I’m fine. I slept much better that I expected,” he said in truth. She seemed to be totally unaware of the downstairs sleeping arrangement that took place just hours before.

“I remembered that Annie and Finnick have a pallet. I’ll send Vick to get it today so you’ll be much more comfortable. You can set it up in the kitchen.”

 _I may be able to sleep with Katniss again, if she’ll allow it._ He then felt guilty for even having such a thought.

After breakfast, Prim took over the care of her sister for the day. Peeta, Vick, and Posy did chores. It took much longer than usual since there were two less sets of hands to help, and it was nearly noon before the morning chores were completed.

Over lunch Prim told them that Katniss’s ankle was most likely broken and that she would be bed-ridden for a while. He peeked in to check on her, but she was asleep.

Peeta worked solid the rest of the day, doing all the chores that Katniss usually attended to, and was not able to return to the house until the sun had begun to set. Prim had the dinner on the table and she had a place set for Katniss, with the rocking chair and a stool to set her foot on.

“Peeta, could you help Katniss into her chair?” Prim asked.

He was more than glad to comply and entered the bedroom where Katniss sat on the bed, looking annoyed and tired.

“How do you feel this evening?”

“My still ankle hurts, but my stomach is much better.” She asked eagerly, “How are the sheep doing on the south pasture?”

“Good,” Peeta replied. “Vick and I are going to move them to the west pasture tomorrow.”

“How does the corn look?”

“Tall and growing taller still.” Peeta smiled as he informed her, “Nothing has fallen apart in the course of one day. You need to focus on getting better and let us do the work.”

She scowled at him, but it soon melted into a more neutral expression. “I suppose you’re right.”

“Come on, it is time for dinner and I was sent to fetch you.”

She looked a bit alarmed, “Y-you mean to carry me?”

“Yes, you did not mind last night.”

A grimace contorted her face, she said in a low tone, so not to be heard outside of the room, “I am sorry for my behavior last night. I fear that I did and said many foolish things…Thank you for taking such good care of me.”

“You are welcome, it was my pleasure,” he assured her. _She has no idea how much I enjoy caring for her._ “Nothing you did or said was foolish, I promise you.”

He bent to pick her up and she put her arms around his neck, as he lifted her gently and carried her to the kitchen table.

They all ate dinner, talking about the barn raising and mundane things about the household. Vick and Peeta set up the pallet and bedroll next to the stove after dinner. The family settled into their after dinner routine: Prim knitted and supervised Posy while she read aloud to the group. Vick tinkered with one of his traps. Katniss examined the farm ledger and an animal husbandry book. Peeta whittled a block of wood; he’d been working on carving a horse, which he was planning on giving to Posy. The long summer days allowed for more time spent doing pastimes. But eventually the sun still went down and everyone started to drift off to bed, leaving Peeta and Katniss alone at the table.

She finally shut her book and said softly, “I think that I am ready to go to bed now.”

Peeta carried her back to her bed. He was about to leave when Katniss told him, “You do not have to leave. We can talk for a while, if you would like.”

“Alright,” he said and pulled a chair from the kitchen and set it next to the bed. “What would you like to talk about?”

“I don’t know.” She grinned. “Anything to take my mind off the fact that I’ll be here for the next several days.”

“It won’t be for very long,” he assured her.

Katniss huffed and slouched into the bed. “How did you sleep last night?” she whispered, as if she was afraid to ask.

“Very well. It was the best I’ve slept in ages,” he admitted. “No nightmares.”

“Me neither,” she breathed.

They were silent for a long moment. They both knew that it would be unwise to speak of it anymore; there were too many questions of propriety.

They chatted for a little while, discussing the tasks Katniss had planned for the next few days, until Katniss caught Peeta stifling a yawn.  It had been a long hard day of work for him.

“I think you should go to bed now, Peeta,” she directed. 

“I am a little tired,” he smiled as he tried to suppress another yawn.

“Goodnight, Peeta,”she said, her eyes lingering on him as she settled into her bed.

“Night, Katniss,” he replied and blew out her lamp and left the room to settle onto his pallet.

Peeta laid in the darkness, trying to force his preoccupied mind to rest. He couldn’t get over the look on her face. It was as if she wanted him to stay with her.

He finally began to drift into another night of fitful sleep, when he heard Katniss whimper. Without a second thought he went to her door.

“Katniss, is something wrong?” he whispered in the darkness, feeling his way towards the bed.

“It’s nothing. I tried to roll over and I disturbed my leg, that’s all.”

“Oh, is there anything that I can do for you?”

“Stay with me?” she asked in a small, almost desperate voice. “I don’t like to be alone in this room.”

He understood that she was asking for nothing but his presence. It was innocent and he could not deny her anything, especially when he wanted the same thing—to be with her in any way possible.

Peeta got into the bed. She did not cling to him instantly, like she had the night before, but they laid side-by-side, shoulders touching. They didn’t speak anymore and soon they were both asleep.

**Katniss**

**August 1865**

Over her coffee cup Katniss watched Peeta prepare breakfast. He arose even earlier in the mornings now, although they never spoke of their sleeping arrangement. She knew it was because of two reasons. First, he was afraid that someone would discover them. The second was a matter of biology. Having been married before, she had some knowledge of men. She was aware that young men often awoke _aroused_ , that it was natural…but that didn’t keep her mind from venturing towards sinful thoughts.

Her face began to burn thinking about how that very morning his hardened length had pressed against her backside as he held her. She had to fight the instinct to push back against him. He’d gotten out of bed with a painful groan and she had heard him wander outside and he didn’t return for many long minutes. Katniss had a good idea of what he was doing, and tried her hardest not to imagine him doing it.

Peeta refilled her cup before she even knew it was empty. He never ceased to surprise her. Even though he’d taken up the bulk of her workload and still did all his own chores, he continued to make breakfast every morning.

Over the last few weeks, Peeta had proven himself to be invaluable; he’d taken over most of the manual labor that Katniss used to do and some of the management around the farm. After a few days of her sulking around the house, Peeta began to carry Katniss outside or to the barn for a change in scenery and fresh air. She would sit with Lady while Peeta did the morning milking and mucked the stalls.

Katniss had to admit that they were growing closer together. They began every night sleeping in their own separate beds, but by midnight Peeta came to her, after hearing her cry out in her sleep or having awoken after from a nightmare of his own.

At night, when neither could sleep, they had long talks. Katniss had learned much about Peeta: His birthday was in March. His favorite color was a soft shade of orange. He had gone to school for five year. He wanted to study further but he had to quit to help in the family bakery. He could write equally well with both hands but he ate and drew with his left and fired a gun and threw with his right. He preferred tea to coffee. His secret wish was to learn how to paint but he’d never been able to afford the supplies for it.

They were truly friends, but it was a friendship unlike any other she’d had before. There was a closeness between them, an intimacy like that she’d never known with anyone else. But there was something else simmering under the surface. At times Katniss desperately wanted press her lips to his, and the urge was growing stronger and more urgent all the time. Sometimes she wished that he’d kiss her, but she knew him well enough to know that no matter what, he would be a gentleman. There was something about his touch when they were outside of the house. At night when they held each other it was innocent, protecting each other from their nightmares and providing comfort. Although during the day when they were together, the same tension and feeling of want that so affected her the night that she kissed him was still there.

When the sun arose each morning, she was afraid someone would discover their sleeping arrangement. If Prim suspected anything, though, she’d not said a word about it.

“Are you up for going for a ride today? You can show me which trees you want cleared out of the woods,” Peeta suggested to her over breakfast one morning.

“Yes!” Katniss replied happily.

“Are you sure that you are up for it?” Prim questioned her sister.

“I need to get out of the house,” she complained. “Even you said that I could be off of my crutch soon.”

“I will bring her back if the moment she asks me too,” he promised.

“Katniss wouldn’t ask to come back in,” Prim said, and gave her sister a warning look. “Please be careful.”

Peeta brought Demeter to the porch of the house and helped Katniss onto her back and led them away until they were out of the sight of the house. Only then did he mount the horse behind Katniss. Carefully he wrapped his left arm around her waist, ensuring she was held securely against his chest, while gathering the reins in his right hand. His touch did something electric to her and she could not help but to lean into his embrace.

They rode at a slow pace until they reached a natural break in the trees. She motioned to her left. “Take this path here, it is shorter.”

“I’ve never been up this way before,” Peeta commented.

“It hasn’t been used in ages. It was the way to our old home,” she explained. It felt odd to bring anyone here with her. It had been hers alone since the fire.

“We can go another way,” Peeta offered, picking up on her mood like he always did.

“No, I want to see it,” she said in a thick voice. “I like to visit there every now and again. It is still my home. I’ve not been through here since last winter.”

Peeta guided his horse through the brush and soon a clearing came into sight. It was always a strange sensation, coming back to the place her family once called home. All that was left were a few charred logs and an old lean-to barn in disrepair.

Katniss pointed at the top of a gentle hill several yards away.“Papa always planned on building a brick house for Mama there.”

Peeta clicked his tongue and urged Demeter to the spot and surveyed it for a moment before dismounting. After a minute or two, he declared, “It would be a pretty spot for a house, with a summer kitchen just behind it and a barn to the south where that rise is.”

“You say it as if you could see it.”

“I can; I can envision it and it is beautiful,” he said wistfully and began to point here and there. “I see an impressive yet modest house. All the clay around here would make for sturdy orange bricks with a slate roof, a porch with painted beams and rails.”

“I can’t see it,” she shrugged.

“You just have to use your imagination,” he urged.

“Mine has atrophied due to lack of use,” Katniss said, trying to keep the sadness out of her voice. What she said had more than one meaning—she was alluding to her relationship with Peeta. “I learned early on that there was no use in dreaming of things that will never be,”

Peeta gently argued, “I have to disagree with that. Daydreams and imagining  are how I got through my toughest days. It gave me something to live for. It gave me hope, in the darkest hours.”

 “What did you dream of?” she wondered aloud.

He gave her a shy smile and approached the she her and the horse, “Lots of things. Right now an orange brick house on a hill sounds like the best dream of all.” Peeta took her hands in his and looked up at her, a cautious hope in his eyes.

Her heart sank and she recalled the night that she broke her ankle, when she vowed to tell him then that she would be honest with him. She had nearly told him on a few occasions, but it was never the right time. Someone was always within earshot or it seemed presumptive to say. But now it obvious what he was talking about—sharing a home with her.

“Peeta,” she breathed, and then allowed it to spill out. “I cannot have children.”

He was quiet for a moment and then he shocked her when he kissed each hand and softly assured, “I don’t care. You would be enough for me.”

“You do not want children?” she asked in confusion.

“I want to marry you,” he said firmly, “if that would result in a child that would be fine. If it didn’t that would be alright too.”

“Was that a proposal?” she whispered disbelievingly.

“No, you will know when I do,” Peeta grinned. “I will be respectful and wait until the appropriate time. Although I hope that I can at least tell myself that we have an understanding.”

She stared into his eyes; he was so sincere, so certain. Her heart wanted to rejoice but her head would not allow it.

She sighed and gently pulled away her hands, “I want you to think long and hard about this, Peeta, about what you would lose by being with me.” Katniss laced her words with a hint of finality; she did not want to argue with him, because she wasn’t sure that she would win.

Peeta looked a little crestfallen, but he silently nodded his head. They sat in awkward silence for a few moments and then Katniss cleared her throat. “Let’s go see those trees.”

He helped her get seated on Demeter’s back then picked up the reins and led the horse instead of riding with her. She knew that it was because he wanted mark the trees to be felled, but she couldn’t help but to mourn his loss of his body next to hers.

The rest of the excursion was civil, but a little uncomfortable. When they were done, Peeta took her home and helped her into the house before leaving her and going about his usual work.

Katniss did not know how to feel. She was so confused. Peeta was more than she could ever hope for or deserved. He made her laugh; she felt appreciated and safe. But then there was the guilt she carried for Gale. It was as if it were unfair for her to love Peeta the way that she did.  While she once loved Gale, it was not the way she ought to have, not the love a wife owed a husband.

At dinner, Katniss listened to the conversation but offered none of her own. Peeta interacted with the others but not with his usual enthusiasm. Everyone went about their usual after dinner activities, except Peeta, who instead of carving playthings for Posy opened his long neglected sketchbook. Katniss had not thought of it, but she’d not seen him draw in it since he first started to sleep with her. Only then did she realize how beneficial their arrangement had been for the both of them. _Peeta had not been drawing because he’d not had any nightmares in almost a month._

He worked diligently, hardly speaking a word the whole evening, and it made Katniss nervous. Finally he closed his sketchbook and excused himself to get something from his dresser in the bedroom and returned a few moments later.

Exhausted from her trying day, Katniss went to bed early. She changed into her nightgown and turned down the quilt and she saw a folded sheet of paper resting on her pillow. The source, of course, was known—Peeta. _It is a note telling me that he is done with me._ With shaking hands she opened the paper and saw a picture of a house, not just any house but the very same brick house that Peeta had spoken of that day.

Katniss took in the details, the large windows and turned porch posts were so inviting. It was lovelier than how he described. This was the home Peeta had envisioned, for her, _for them_. Her heart was full to bursting. She traced over the lines lovingly and her eyes began to well up with tears. This picture by far was the best she’d seen. It was so much happier than all the other images he’d produced.

She wanted to thank Peeta for the picture, but she had to wait for others to go to sleep first. It was agony to wait, but finally she heard each family member wish Peeta a goodnight and go up the stairs. When she was sure that he was alone, she went to the door and opened it a fraction of an inch with the drawing still in hand. “Peeta?”

“Katniss, is there something wrong?” he asked softly and then observed her. “You shouldn’t be up without your crutch,” he scolded and went to help her.

Upon his approach, she caught him around the neck and pulled him down for a brief kiss. Peeta stiffened and pulled away in surprise.

“I can see it now,” she whispered and smiled at him.

The creak of the floor boards above them made them break apart. They paused, and when Katniss was sure that no one was coming down, she pulled him into the bedroom.He grinned at her and then rejoined their lips. It was not the heated kiss like they shared in the barn but a sweet one, filled with promise but yet just as passionate.

“I take it that we have an understanding now?” Peeta teased in a hushed tone. “If you will allow it, that is?”

“I will allow it,” she consented. “But I think that we ought to wait to tell everyone…I want to have everything planned out. I-I don’t want us to live as man and wife in this house. It just doesn’t seem right…” she trailed off.

“I agree. It does not feel right in this house.”

Katniss reached up to kiss his lips one more time, then she pushed the paper in his hand and whispered, “Put it in your book, no one will see it there.”

He did as he was asked and found his sketchbook and slipped the picture inside. A few minutes later she could hear some shuffling in the kitchen. Peeta was setting up his bed.

He came back a few minutes later. She grinned at him and suggested, “Why don’t you just come to bed with me now? We play this silly game every night.”

”Are you sure?” he was hesitant.

“I’m sure,” she patted the mattress beside her and Peeta crawled into bed with her, wrapping his arms around her.

“We could build a cabin to live in while we build a house, something small just for the two of us. We could put in a loft for Posy and Vick. Would they live with us or stay here?” he whispered into her ear.

Katniss sighed into his shoulder, “We’re going to need time to think about what we’re going to do. If Rory comes home and marries Prim, we all couldn’t live here together, even if we wanted to.”

“We will get all of this sorted out. I’ll give you as much time as you need,” he promised and gave her a chaste kiss on the lips.

For once, Katniss was looking forward to what tomorrow might hold instead of dreading it. For once she wanted to do more than survive—she wanted to thrive and to live with Peeta.

**Peeta**

What followed next was days of secret joy. When the family was about, the pair tried to act as they always had, but when they were alone more times than not they would end up exchanging kisses in well-hidden places. At night in bed, they made plans; the cabin would be near the house so they could share the well and to be close to the family.

A week of bliss had passed, and Peeta had begun to look for trees to construct the cabin and mentally tallied what the cost of a house might be. He had saved nearly every penny of his army pay (with the exception of what it cost to send Gale’s body home) and figured that on his own he had enough to construct the house if he did as much of the labor as he could. Furnishing it was another story, but that would come in time.

They set a tentative date to be married by New Year’s. All respects would have been paid to Gale by that time, decorum observed, and a cabin could be built. Peeta offered to wait until the spring, but thankfully Katniss was the one to suggest a much sooner date. Although he would have waited much longer to wed her, he was glad that it would not be too much longer before they were joined as husband and wife.Katniss had been making it very difficult for him to be a gentleman. He tried to keep their embraces chaste, but she was constantly pushing the limits. Her hands would bury themselves into his hair and pull him as close as possible while she explored every corner of his mouth and encouraged him to do the same with her.

He began to think of a proposal. He wanted it to be special and he wanted to formally ask for her hand. _Katniss deserves it._ He knew that her first union was hastily arranged and he wanted to do things right—well, mostly everything.  Sharing a bed with your intended every night was far from proper.

Peeta was in the barn, brushing out Demeter and ruminating on his good luck, whenhe was started by a pair of arms wrapping themselves around his waist. He knew it was Katniss; he turned and was assaulted by her lips.

In between kisses she whispered, “Vick is trapping and Prim took Posy to call on Annie and the new baby. We’ll be alone for at least a little while.”

She backed him into the corner of the barn and pushed him to sit on a feed manger so that she would not have to stand on her toes to kiss him. They drank from each other’s lips until they were breathless. While Peeta caught his breath, Katniss did something shocking. Now sitting in his lap, she began to nuzzle into his ear and trace the shell with her tongue. It sent a thrill down his spine and a tightness in his britches like he’d never known.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” he protested weakly and tried to hide his obvious arousal from her by leaning away.

“I hope not for a long time,” she purred and teasingly pressed against him.

“We will never make it until New Year’s if you continue to do that.”

“I am sorry,” she only half apologized and relented. “I forget myself when I am in your arms.”

“It is easy to do,” he agreed as he willed his body to calm down. He held her in his arms for a while and then said, “We really ought to tell your family about our plans. It is only a matter of time before we get caught.”

“I know,” Katniss sighed, got out of his lap, and began to pace the floor. “I am sure that everyone will be pleased. They all adore you.”

“There would be no one to protest?”

“There is only one who might, and that would be Rory.” She turned back to him. “Rory idolized Gale and thought that he could do no wrong. It was part of the reason why we quarreled so.” She did not elaborate and he Peeta did not want to ask. Anymore when he thought of Gale, he only became upset. _Gale never deserved her and used her love of family against her._

Peeta watched her pace the barn.

“You must be healed,” he observed to change the subject. “Your gait is as silent as a cat’s again.”

“It is about time,” she complained. “I am tired of that crutch.”

“I know how you feel. I was on one for three months.”

Her expression sobered, “I am sorry. I sometimes forget that you were so grievously wounded.”

This was a course of conversation that Peeta didn’t want to pursue. It only led memories of how Gale saved his leg and he’d already thought about him enough that day.

Katniss paused. “Speaking of quiet…” Her words trailed off and she rushed to Lady’s stall and her hands flew up to her mouth and she let out a stifled cry.

Peeta rushed to her side, already knowing what he would find. He’d not heard the goat’s labored wheezing all morning, but he never thought any of it until now. Instantly he knew what had happened: the old goat was dead. And when he saw Lady limp and flat out on her side it was quickly confirmed.

“Katniss, I am so sorry,” he said, as kindly as he could and put his arms around her shoulders.

She quickly composed herself and said as stoically as she could, “It was a long time coming. At least she’s not in pain anymore.”

“I will bury her for you,” he offered.

She nodded and told him where to find the shovel and pickax. Katniss led him to the spot where she wanted the goat buried, a small clearing in the woods, next to a large rock that marked the property line between the Hawthorne and Everdeen farms. Katniss acted as if the place had some sort of significance, but she was not in a sharing mood.

Peeta started to dig and Katniss excused herself abruptly. He wanted to follow, but he suspected that now was a time to leave her alone. Peeta had a sick feeling in his stomach, he’d not forgotten about how Katniss had told him about how the goat reminded her of her favorite memory of Gale.

Every once and a great while Peeta worried that he would never be able to measure up to the valiant hero Gale Hawthorne became after his death. Although he knew that Katniss was aware of some of Gale’s character flaws, Gale had many more imperfections, but Peeta was hardly the one to point them out to his widow and family.

Vick had heard Peeta in the woods and came to help.

“I don’t know how she lasted so long,” the boy commented and he swung the pickax.

“What is special about this spot?” Peeta questioned.

Vick paused and answered hesitantly, “It was where she and Gale would meet when they would hunt. It was their place.”

“Oh,” he responded and jabbed the shovel into the ground; his stomach felt even sourer.

 “She likes you better than she did Gale,” Vick said out of the blue. The youngest Hawthorne brother was usually a quiet young man, very pensive and always observing. While he hardly ever spoke, when he did it was usually insightful. “She never kissed him the way that she kisses you.”

Peeta stopped and stared at the boy in astonishment.

“It is a small house. I see far more than anybody thinks,” the boy shrugged and swung his tool to loosen some earth. “I saw you in the barn earlier. I came back for a snare that I’d forgotten. Never in all the years they were married did I ever see Katniss and Gale kiss like that.”

“Vick, I am sorry,” Peeta said sheepishly.

“You want to marry her, don’t you?”

“Y-yes.”

“Then there is nothing to be sorry about,” Vick said, sounding far wiser than his fourteen years. “Katniss and you both should be happy.”

The pair dug a deep hole and gently placed the goat in and covered her with dirt. They walked back into the house. Prim and Posy had come home. Prim greeted them at the door and Peeta told her about Lady’s passing.

“That explains Katniss’s foul mood,” Prim sighed.

“She was that upset?”

“Yes, I was excited about the letter I’d gotten from Rory,” Prim smiled to herself. “He’s been released from the Army and he’ll be home by harvest. I told Katniss and she just said ‘that’s good’ and stormed off. I thought that she was still angry with him, but this explains a her terse behavior.”

“You’ve not seen her since?” Peeta inquired. Prim shook her head.

But Peeta knew just where to find Katniss: the barn. Sure enough he found her in the hay mow, her face puffy and flushed; she had been crying. He came and sat down beside her and put an arm around her.

“Leave me alone,” she said coldly and moved away from him.

“Katniss?”

“Peeta, we have no business carrying on like this,” she said bitterly.

For once in his life Peeta was at a loss for words.

“I never should have allowed myself feel anything for you,”she said resolutely.

 “What has changed in the last few hours?” he begged to know.

“Lady dying made me realize that I owe Gale more time.”

“You owe him nothing more!” Peeta’s temper got the better of him. Her jaw dropped. He continued, “Gale did nothing but take from you and disregard your trust! He asked so much of you and gave so little in return.”

“How could you say those things? You claimed to be his friend.”

“I was and I knew him well. He was far from perfect and you _know_ it.” Peeta softened and pled, “If you need more time then say that it is for yourself and not for him. Please don’t let a memory come between us.”

“I was so certain this morning but now…” She started to cry. “Now, I’m not sure.”

Peeta felt as if the ground had been ripped out from under him. “Katniss, please, why don’t you please just come into the house? We can drink some tea and talk about this.”

“I need to be on my own right now,” she insisted and buried her face against her folded arms.

His heart felt as if it were actually breaking; he so badly wanted to convince her that she was only confused. He trudged to the house.

Prim greeted him at the door. “How is she doing?”

He shook his head and sunk into a kitchen chair.

Thankfully she did not ask any further. She poured him a cup of coffee and handed him a letter. “I forgot to tell you earlier but a telegram came for you today.”

He looked at the envelope wearily; they were never good news in his experience. He opened it and saw that it was from his brother Albert.

**Peeta—Mother is dying and asking for you STOP Please come STOP —Albert**

He read the over and again and still could not believe what he saw.

“Nothing bad, I hope?” Prim inquired. Peeta offered her the message. She looked saddened and said tenderly, “You need to go.”

The timing could not have been worse; harvest was right around the corner and he needed to sort things out with Katniss. Though there was very little affection between them, he knew he ought to do as his brother bid. The woman was his mother after all; albeit a very poor one, but still his mother just the same.

The rest of his day passed in a blur. He went about his routine but all he did was go through the motions. He debated the options ahead of him. If he rode Demeter to the nearest train station he could be there in a day. Riding home would take three days. That might be too late; his mother could already be dead now for all he knew.

He wanted to talk to Katniss before he made any decisions. At dinner time, Peeta came into the house and Prim told him that Katniss was in her room. He knocked on the door and after many long moments he finally heard, “Come in.”

He let himself in. Katniss was sitting on the bed in the near dark.

Kneeling at the side he told her, “I got a telegram today.”

“Prim told me,” she said, still not looking at him.

“What do you think I ought to do?”

She finally looked into his eyes for the first time since they kissed in the barn that morning. “I know that you and your mother did not get along well together but you ought to see her. I fought with Mama often after Poppa passed, but I still wish that we could have found peace with her before she died. I have never forgiven myself for that.”

 _You have never forgiven yourself for many things, most of which were none of your doing_ , Peeta thought.

“I don’t want to leave you like this, not now,” he said sincerely.

“Perhaps, it would be good for us to spend some time apart.”

The words stung, but he thought that she might be right, at least for her part. He knew his heart; nothing had changed for him, nor would it.

“I will come back,” he promised. She cast him a disbelieving expression. “I could never abandon you,” he pledged. Her misgivings had little to do with him; he understood that her past had hardened her. All Peeta could do was to make good on his promise to return.

She began to play with the folds of her skirt. “If you leave for Libertytown at first light you can catch the north bound train by noon. It takes you directly to Merchantscenter.”

“I guess that I had better pack then.” He rose and walked to the dresser and pulled out his bag and began to pack.

“I can brush off your uniform if you like,” she offered weakly.

“No, it can stay here, I will be back soon,” he promised her again.

When he was packed, he joined the others for dinner and told them of his plans. Posy cried and begged him not to go. He assured her time and again that he would come back. The little girl calmed when she believed him. All he wished was that Katniss could be so easily consoled.

 

**Katniss**

**August 1865**

Sleep never found her the night before Peeta left. He never came to her bed and she didn’t call out to him. _It is better this way._ She told herself over and again.

She had fallen apart inside when she saw Lady lifeless in her stall. Katniss had seen hundreds of dead animals in her life; in fact she’d been the one to kill most of them. It was not that she was squeamish by any means, but Lady’s long overdue death represented her last tie to her childhood best friend.

It occurred to her then that maybe the reason why Gale left her time and again was because she hadn’t been a good enough wife. She had never felt the way for Gale that she did for Peeta. _If I had perhaps loved Gale more he would have stayed the same loyal partner that he was in his younger days._ She had disappointed Gale and drove him away—he’d said as much the last time he’d been home. She feared that eventually she’d do the same to Peeta and she’d have to carry that guilt too. Or at least in her grief stricken thoughts she assumed as much.

Before dawn she heard Peeta stirring and leave the house. He’d said his goodbyes to the family the night before, but not to her. Katniss was determined not to go after him; a messy goodbye was not what she wanted for either of them.

But the longer she lay there she realized that this would be perhaps the last time she’d ever see him. It was not of question of her loving him—she did love him deeply. She only needed some time to think things through. While her love for him crept up slowly, their understanding and all the plans that followed afterwards happened so quickly. She was swept away that she never really stopped to think.

Before she could stop herself, she got out of bed and ran outside in her nightgown and bare feet as quick as her legs could carry her to see him off. He was leading Demeter out of the barn saddled and ready to go when she saw him.

“Peeta!” she cried his name as she flung herself into his arms and kissed him desperately, fearing that it would be the last time.

“Katniss,” he whispered against her lips, “I _will_ be back soon, before harvest. I promise.”

“Don’t make promises that you can’t keep,” she warned.

“I never have. I love you too much to disappoint you,” he said, heartfelt.

They looked into each other’s eyes for a moment. She wanted to soak in every detail of him, his scent, the texture of his coat under her fingertips. Then she started to notice things about him that she never had before, like the faint smattering of freckles on his cheeks and how impossibly long his pale eyelashes were. She wanted these memories of him because they might be the last.

“You had better go if you want to make it in time.” She loosened her hold on him and backed away.

He let her go, but looked as if he had a thousand things he wanted to say. He left them unsaid and mounted the horse. “I will write you as soon as I get there, farewell for now,” he promised.

She waved at him and he rode off at a gallop. Her eyes welled up with tears and under her breath she said, “Goodbye.” She watched until he disappeared from view before slowly moving back towards the house.

The days that followed were long and unexpectedly lonely, even with her family present. They were all sad for a few days but their spirits (except for Katniss’s) rose with Rory’s impending homecoming.

Katniss went back to her old routine of spending every daylight hour working, trying to lose herself in menial tasks, hoping that bodily exhaustion would allow her some rest at night. It never worked.Every day that passed without a letter from Peeta made her spirits sink, even though she knew that the post was slow.Her emotions toyed with her. Prim lectured her at nearly every meal for not eating and each night sleep eluded her. Finally, a week after Peeta left, she got a short letter.

_Dearest Katniss,_

_I hope that this letter finds you, Prim, Vick, and Posy well._

_I am at Merchantscenter. My journey was uneventful and I have arrived to my family’s home. Mother is frail but is hanging on. The doctor has said that I have arrived just in time._

_Please let me know how you are. My thoughts are always on you, I am constantly distracted wondering how you are and what you are doing._

_I will write as changes in Mother’s condition come._

_Your loving and faithful servant,_

_Peeta_

Katniss held the letter to her chest and was filled with joy only to be quickly replaced with dread. _He will be away for a while and will find out that there are easier ways to live rather than farming. Not to mention prettier, more accommodating women to catch his fancy. Perhaps it is better this way._

She was stuck between a rock and a hard spot. She knew that she would regret letting him go but she could not live with herself if she did to Peeta what she’d done to Gale.

The next morning after breakfast, which she refused to eat, she sat to write a letter to Peeta. She started and scribbled out and burnt half a dozen pages before she gave up.

“Somebody is coming up the lane!” Posy squealed excitedly looking out the blurry glass window.

“Who is it?” Vick asked and joined his sister at the window.

Katniss’s heart rose, hoping that it was Peeta.

“Can’t tell,” Posy replied. “Oh, there are two horses.”

Prim opened the front door and exclaimed, before running out the door, “It’s Rory!”

Katniss was let down but hid it well and followed her sister, and witnessed a glorious reunion. Rory jumped off his horse and ran towards Prim. He picked her up in his arms and spun her around until she begged him to stop. When he did he kissed her unabashedly.

Katniss could not help but to be jealous—not so much of them, but of their surety. After allowing them to be love sick fools for a few moments, she cleared her throat.

“Oh,” Prim blushed as she noticed Katniss, but she immediately let go of Rory.

After the lovers were broke apart, Posy and Vick rushed forward to greet their brother. Katniss stood back, unsure of how Rory would react to her. Their last conversation did not go well and they had not exchanged any letters since his leaving.

Finally, Rory, in all his Hawthorne height, stood before her. “Katniss.”

“Hello Rory,” she welcomed.

The young man stepped forward and pulled her into a tight hug. “I am sorry, I was wrong about so much,” he whispered into her hair and kissed her head.

“You are forgiven,” she sighed into his shoulder, happy to have all her family back together again. Finally she noticed his companion, who had hung back while he greeted the family. The figure was in a wide brimmed hat in a rain slicker that was unusually bulky and he held something to his chest. Katniss asked, “Who is your friend?”

Rory grimaced, and looked to his younger siblings, “Please go to the house for a little while.”

“But you just got here!” Posy protested.

Vick pulled his sister back and urged, “Let’s go do chores.”

When the children were out of earshot, Rory motioned for the man to ride up. When she approached, Katniss saw instantly that it was no man but a woman with large, wide brown eyes looking at her apprehensively.

Rory held out his arms to the woman and helped her off the horse. She clutched the bulge in her coat firmly. A tiny whine came from inside her coat. She opened her slicker and a newborn baby in a sling was revealed.

Rory looked to be pained. “Katniss, Prim, this is Mrs. Johanna Mason and her son, Asher.”

“Lovely to meet you,” Prim said warmly. “What a coincidence. Asher is common name in our family. You don’t hear it often.” 

“I know,” Mrs. Mason said with a hint of embarrassment in her voice. “I named him for his father.” The baby fussed and she pulled the material of the cloth away from his face. The baby had a full head of jet-black hair and olive skin, very much unlike his fair-skinned mother.

 _The father must have been dark complexioned._ Katniss stiffened as she looked at the baby. He looked so familiar, but it could not have been possible. _Mason…Mason’s Boarding House—that was the last place Gale stayed. Gale Asher Hawthorne._

“Katniss,” Rory said cautiously. “Asher is Gale’s child.”

Katniss began to tremble. Mrs. Mason gave her a meaningful expression. “Before you ask. Yes! I _am_ sure.”

Katniss felt all the blood drain from her face. She heard Prim cry out her name and the ground rushed up at her face to meet her.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> *Hides my face and waits for your reactions*
> 
> I hope that everyone has great and safe holiday season. There have been some major Grinches around here lately. So please, help spread some Christmas cheer within the fanfic community and leave a review on an update or one shot that you enjoyed or send a nice to PM to your favorite authors. It means more than you think.
> 
> Merry Christmas to you all!


	5. part 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I know long time no update. I am very sorry, I could bore you with excuses but instead I'll get down to business.
> 
> Many thanks to Louezem and ackennedy for being my cheerleaders and encouraging me to keep writing, love you ladies. I also want to proclaim my vast appreciation to Court for who is a beta rock star, thank you so much my friend!

 

**The Reconstruction of a Heart**

**Part 5**

**Katniss**

**September 1865**

Katniss felt herself being carried, and for a single moment her heart soared.  _Peeta is carrying me to bed and the last few days have been nothing but a terrible dream._  Although the arms that held her were not those of her comforter and protector; instead she opened her eyes to see her oldest brother-in-law carrying her to the house. Defeated, she forced her eyes shut and fell into a listless state.

Rory set her down on her bed. Prim tried to rouse her, to which Katniss replied, "Leave me alone."

Prim sighed heavily and covered her sister with blankets.

Katniss stared out the window and watched the clouds roll by for hours. She couldn't summon up the strength to feel anything other than beaten down. She was numb; too angry to cry, too sad to rage. Prim was in the kitchen and Katniss could hear her working. Posy and Vick came in for lunch. Posy had questions, but Prim cut her off. The younger children were chased out of the house after the meal in order to give Katniss some peace.

Sometime later, the front door opened and Prim exploded, "What in the heavens were you thinking Rory Hawthorne? How dare you bring that  _Jezebel_  here?!"

"Prim, I had no choice," Rory said defensively. "She has no kin. She openly helped the Union forces in Tennessee, so her neighbors consider her to be a traitor. I couldn't leave my own flesh and blood like that…Katniss taught me that you never leave family behind."

"How did you even find her?"

"I ran into some soldiers who served with Gale. They told me about rumors that he fathered a child. I found Gale's old commanding officer, Boggs, and he said that it was most likely true. When I was released, the first thing I did was to find her and learn the truth. I found the boarding house and a woman all on her own with a baby only days old. When I saw him and heard his name I knew that he was a Hawthorne. I saw my brother in that little child, Prim. I couldn't leave him friendless and with no onebut his mama…what would happen if she perished? None of her neighbors would even speak to her. She'd already had threats on her life. All the windows were broken out of her house. She wasn't safe there."

"How do you  _know_  that it is Gale's child?" Prim spat.

"Johanna…I mean Mrs. Mason, had several letters," Rory paused. "I knew they were written by his hand. It was his signature, and turn of phrase. Prim, I never would have brought her here if I had not been certain."

"Missus?" Prim scoffed. "Where on Earth is her husband?"

"Dead, since before the war," Rory explained. "He was much older and from what I from what I gather not at all kind to her."

"I really do not care what her troubles were. She doesn't belong here…hasn't Katniss suffered enough?! Did you never think about what this would do to her?" Prim accused.

"I did, but what was I to do?" Rory questioned; frustration laced his words. "Where was I to take them?"

Katniss, despite her anger, understood Rory's position. He idolized Gale and thought him to be without failings. Many times over the years, Rory praised his older brother and was proud of his every accomplishment and promotion. After Gale died, he instantly became a mythical hero in Rory's eyes. Finding out that Gale might have fathered an illegitimate child must have been a blow.

_Gale may have had a child._

The full realization hit her hard and if she had anything in her stomach she would have most likely thrown it up. The pair outside her door continued to argue, but she shut out the voices. She knew that she should be crying yet she couldn't summon up the tears. The man who betrayed her was not the man she had known or loved.

Gale had always been selfish in some ways; she had known that. Often he thought that his opinion was the only one that mattered. But she never dreamed him capable of infidelity—it never even occurred to her. Although now having possible proof in the form of a baby, she was able look at the past with clearer eyes. Thinking of Madge, she wondered if Gale had made her a promise or  _otherwise_  had made her believe that he intended to marry her.

Katniss was so confused and overwhelmed. She wanted Peeta there to hold her and to tell her that everything would be alright.

There was a knock on the open window and someone spoke her name. She saw Vick looking in.

When she met his eye,he took off his hat and asked cautiously, "Is it safe to come in yet? Prim sent me to town with Posy. I heard Rory and Prim arguing so I thought that I should check in before I let Posy in."

Prim could be heard still giving Rory a scathing lecture. _"That was the problem with Gale too, you never think before you act!"_

Vick looked somewhat in awe at the door. "I have never seen Prim so upset. What is going on?" The concern in his voice was tangible.

"If I understood myself, I would tell you," she told him and patted down some of his wayward curls. She remembered Vick being a baby and as the little boy who watched her in admiration when she skinned animals and did the work of a man. Of all the people in the household, he was the one most like her:quiet, pensive, and a hard worker. He couldn't have been more a brother to her if he'd been born to her own parents.

"Gale did something awful, didn't he?"

"I don't know for sure yet," she said, trying to be optimistic. Katniss gave him a forced smile. "Now go do the chores, I will settle things in here."

Vick nodded and held out a letter to her. "I got this in town. It's from Peeta."

Katniss took it from the boy and held it to her chest without realizing what she was doing. Vick smiled at her and left her alone.

She opened the letter.

_**Dearest Katniss,** _

_**I hope that this letter finds you well. How is everyone doing? Has Rory arrived home yet? I wish him a safe and speedy journey.** _

Katniss rolled her eyes and read on.

_**My mother has passed. We will have buried her by the time you will have received this. I have come back to a place that is foreign to me; my family is all but strangers. I want to come home to you as soon as I can, but I have some business to attend to here first. Mother's affairs have to be put in order and the will is to be read tomorrow. I expect nothing but I have been asked to stay nonetheless.** _

_**I cannot sleep at night so I have been working on some ideas for our house. I hope that you like them when you see them. If you don't, we'll think of something else.** _

_**My dearest wish is to hear from you. I miss you and all of the others.** _

_**Your constant admirer,** _

_**Peeta** _

Katniss felt guilty. She had been ready to drive Peeta away for the sake of a dead husband who may not have been faithful. She needed to speak to Peeta. He would know if what the woman—Mrs. Mason—claimed was true or not.  _Although if he knew Gale was_ _unfaithful, then_ _why didn't he tell me?_

The thought caused her too much distress so she simply pushed it aside. The argument in the next room demanded her attention. Bickering would solve nothing. She knew that Prim was defending her, but there was nothing to defend against an offense that was long since committed. The offender was with his maker and had received his judgment.

Katniss took a deep breath and walked out into the kitchen, making the arguing couple pause to stare at her.

"Katniss," Prim said in surprise. "You're up? Let me get you something to eat."

"Who could sleep, with you two carrying on like that?" Katniss retorted and sat in a chair. "Get me some coffee too, please. Why don't we wait to talk about this further, and more civilly after the children go to bed?"Prim agreed and began to throw together a hasty dinner.

Katniss turned to Rory, who was sitting across the table. "Where are the woman and her child?"

Rory looked as if he'd aged ten years since last winter. "I took them to Haymitch's and got them settled in."

Katniss had a shiver of fear. _The wrong people could see her and the family secret will be out._ She did not care about Gale's reputation, but she did care about his siblings'.

Prim broke in from over the stove. "Haymitch won't breathe a word and has plenty of spare room, since Madge and Miss Trinket left."

Katniss felt a slight measure of relief; Haymitch was the family's biggest ally and he would protect their secrets.

As Prim worked, Rory told Katniss the story of how he'd come to find Mrs. Mason. She listened silently and chewed on her lip. Rory explained he nearly had to beg for Mrs. Mason to come with him; she was proud but she only agreed when Rory pointed out the dangers to her son.

"You said earlier that there were letters?" Katniss said when his tale was finished. "What sort of letters?"

Rory's face flared red and hesitated before saying, "Love letters, I guess they could be called."

Katniss let out a bitter laugh. The thought of Gale Hawthorne writing a love letter was ridiculous.  _Perhaps he could for someone else._

"What do you think we ought to do?" Rory asked Katniss.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "Do you truly believe her claims?"

"I have travelled with her for weeks and I have found her to be sincere and honest, almost to a fault."

"She can't stay here," Prim broke in.

"That I agree with," Katniss said.

Rory nodded in agreement and excused himself to clean up for supper. The younger family members were called in for a tensely silent meal. By the look on Posy's face Katniss could tell that the girl had a thousand questions but wisely stayed silent. Vick and Posy went to bed with the sun.

Katniss knew that the family couldn't keep this up for long. She remembered the years she and Prim spent tiptoeing around her mother after their father died. Katniss could not live like that again, especially if she were the pitiful creature that everyone coddled. She had to get to the bottom of this. She had to know what Mrs. Mason was expecting of them. She also had to speak to Peeta to see if there was any possibility of Gale not fathering the child.

Prim glared at Rory. He looked despondent. This obviously not the homecoming he was expecting.

Katniss knew that this had to be resolved, and soon. "Tomorrow I am going to over to Haymitch's, I need to speak to Mrs. the child is family we ought to know. We'll see what she has to say when I tell her that Mr. Mellark can confirm or deny her claims."

The next morning, Katniss arose early. She put on her black cotton dress. The material was rough from being worn, washed, starched, and ironed. It didn't feel right to wear anymore, in more ways than one.

She had Rory's horse saddled and was heading towards town before anybody else was even awake. She arrived in town just as the post office opened. She had written Peeta a letter the night before. She'd written it several times but it still didn't seem right. What they had to discuss could not be done through letters.

The telegraph office caught her attention instead. The cost to send one was more than Katniss wanted to think of, but she couldn't put a price on what Peeta's counsel would mean to her now. Also, he could answer questions that no one else could.

The message had to be subtle so not to imply that they were more then friends, nor did she want to mention Mrs. Mason. After some thought for a few moments, she scribbled a message.

**Peeta—You have our condolences STOP Rory has returned home STOP You are missed STOP Come back very soon STOP Please STOP I must speak with you STOP- Katniss**

After her business in town was finished, she rode to the Abernathy farm. She wanted to face Mrs. Mason on her own.

Mrs. Seeder wore a sympathetic smile when she let Katniss in. Katniss straightened her skirt and held her head high. There were cheerful voices carrying on in the parlor. Haymitch's gruff laugh rang through the room. The voices hushed when Katniss was announced.

"Hello, sweetheart," Haymitch rose to greet her.

"How are you Haymitch?" she asked as politely as she could.

"I've had an interesting time." He flashed half a smile. She noticed that he seemed genuinely in a good mood, which was rare for him if he had a guest.

Mrs. Mason sat in a high-backed chair at the far end of the room. She wore a brave expression. For some reason Katniss had a feeling that it was only a mask. She knew because she often did the same thing.

She measured the woman up; she was bit shorter that herself but far more womanly,likely because of her recent pregnancy. Her hair was dark auburn and was pulled back into a high bun. Her clothes were a bit threadbare and were plain in construction.

"I doubt that you two have been formally introduced, so I will do it for you," Haymitch announced. "Mrs. Hawthorne, Mrs. Johanna Mason. Mrs. Mason, Mrs. Katniss Hawthorne. I will not interfere with your conversation, but I am here to mediate when necessary. Mrs. Mason, don't not underestimate my friend here. What she lacks in physical presence she makes up for in fieriness."

"I have heard of Mrs. Hawthorne. She's a good hunter," Mrs. Mason said in an even tone. "I would not purposely cross her."

"Other than the fact that you had a boarding house in Tennessee, I have never heard anything more of you until yesterday," Katniss replied. "What do you anticipate accomplishing by coming here?"

Mrs. Mason's hard exterior appeared to soften some. "I want nothing from you but the permission to give my son his father's surname. It did not seem right for me to just give it to him without the family's knowledge."

"I'm surprised that you are asking," Katniss said haughtily. "You certainly didn't mind carrying on with Gale withoutpermission."

Mrs. Mason looked as if she was going to say something smart, but then her smirk faded. She had enough shame to hang her head a bit. "I did not know that he was married until after we were…involved. By then it was too late; the damage was done."

"What if I told you that I know a man who could confirm or deny this story—a soldier who served with Gale and stayed on your property?" Katniss questioned.

"Who is this soldier?" Mrs. Mason replied curiously.

"Peeta Mellark."

Mrs. Mason chuckled. "He would know better than anybody. He walked in on us. Mellark is the only reason that I found out that Gale was already married."

Katniss was stunned silent and could not respond for many long moments. The implications were enormous.  _Peeta knew and didn't tell me? He lied by omission. Why did he not tell me?_

The tense silence was broken by the sound of a baby crying. Mrs. Mason rose in an instant to get her son. She soon returned to her seat with the fussing infant in her arms and she quieted him with a few words. Katniss looked at the child. His little grey eyes were open. She wanted Peeta to come back and proclaim Gale's innocence, but the more she stared at the child the less likely that need became.

As much as she looked for the face of a stranger, all Katniss saw was family—not just Gale but the others too. She saw traits of the other people that she loved so dearly. His black hair curled like Vick's. His lip pouted just like Posy's did. His little nose was straight just like Hazelle's.

Katniss suddenly felt empty and wondered if her daughter would have resembled this child in anyway. _This is the grandchild that Hazelle wanted so badly._

Katniss collected her senses and evenly as she could manage, asked, "What are your plans?"

"I have none at the moment, other than heading out west somewhere." Mrs. Mason's lighthearted demeanor left her. "I had to get out of the South. We weren't safe there. I had enemies."

"How could a  _sweet_  little woman like you make enemies?!" Haymitch said sarcastically.

"I invited a slew of Yankees to stay on my property. My neighbors didn't take kindly to that."

"You also invited Gale to partake of your  _personal_  assets as well, from what it sounds like," Katniss said lowly. The room got very silent. Haymitch watched the two women with wide eyes.

Mrs. Mason's mouth curled into an amused grin. "In all the things I've heard about you, Mrs. Hawthorne, I've never heard that you had a sense of humor."

"You flatter me," Katniss said icily. "I never imagined that a man would speak much of his wife to his mistress."

"Gale didn't speak of you at all until he had to." Mrs. Mason cocked an eyebrow. "It was Rory who told me all about you. He's a good kid, and from what I've heard you've raised a good family. You're very lucky. You're very highly thought of."

Katniss was stunned to hear a sincere compliment from her. The woman did not seem like she was trying to be insulting towards Katniss. While she was uncouth, Mrs. Mason not cruel. The baby began to cry again. Unabashedly Mrs. Mason began to open her blouse and she pulled out her full breast for the child to latch onto.

Katniss's jaw dropped. She'd never seen any woman nurse so openly in front of strangers. She turned to Haymitch to gauge his reaction. His eyes were wide and a goofy grin appeared on his face.

"Y'all seen a calf nursing off a cow. This ain't no different," Mrs. Mason teased and attended to her son.

"Excuse me," Katniss whispered and all but ran outside. Haymitch was close behind her.

She gasped for air, trying to fight off the urge to cry or scream. Intellectually, Katniss knew that this woman was not to blame for the infidelity, although her heart wanted to blame Mrs. Mason for seducing Gale.

"What do you think of Johanna?" Haymitch questioned.

"She's something. What that is exactly I don't know," Katniss muttered. Then she turned to her mentor. "What am I to do Haymitch? What if she wants more than she says?"

"I honestly don't know, sweetheart," he confessed. "Her legal claims are slim to none and even if she had much, there isn't much to get. I don't get the feeling that she wants anything other than a name."

"You seem pretty friendly with her," she pointed out.

Haymitch shrugged. "She makes me laugh. She says what most people think but are too afraid to say. It's refreshing, especially after the company I had to entertain all summer."

Haymitch cleared his throat. "Are you going to give her permission to give the child the Hawthorne name?"

"If Peeta can confirm her story, they can both have it for all I care," Katniss said bitterly. "I won't want the name myself anymore."

"Maybe you'll have a new name soon too," Haymitch offered in a happier tone. "I know of someone who would be glad to give one to you."

"I cannot think of that until I have this mess sorted out."

"At least you're willing to think of it now." Haymitch grinned.

Katniss tried to scowl at him, but she really couldn't draw up the anger to do it properly. "If what that woman says is true then Peeta lied to me."

"He may have been trying to save you this pain," Haymitch suggested.

"Peeta ought to have told me," she persisted.

"Would you have believed him?"

Katniss hung her head. She knew that before yesterday that she wouldn't have. She sighed and said, "I drove Gale to do it. I was so cross with him when I last saw him."

Haymitch gently lifted her chin so that she would have to look at him. "You did not drive Gale to anything. He was a grown man. Katniss, things happen in war that would not happen in any other circumstance. You cannot blame yourself; none of this is a reflection on you."

She nodded, knowing that he was right, but it didn't spare her feelings. "I have to leave. I will be back when I have thought this through."

Haymitch called after her, but she did not heed him. She left hastily as tears began to sting her eyes. It was only when she got on the horse and was well off the Abernathy property that she began to shake with anger. Who she was more upset with, Gale or Peeta, she did not know.

She rode the horse hard into the woods of her own land, eager to hide from any prying eyes. Without even realizing where she was going she somehow found herself heading towards the family burial plot. There were a dozen or so headstones marking the resting places of her ancestors. The four newest stones belonged to her parents, Hazelle, and Gale. While there wasn't a stone, Katniss knew that her child lay between own mother and Gale's. She'd never said it aloud, but she liked that Prim and Rory put the baby there. It was like there was family to watch over her and she'd never be alone.

Her eyes moved towards Gale's stone, the largest and most elaborate. It was the closest thing to a hero's monument that the family could afford. She had a sudden urge to smash it to pieces. She threw the first stone she could find and yelled,"You didn't deserve all this!"

She slung another. "I trusted you."

Finally she allowed herself to be angry at the unfairness of it all. She battered the marker with stones and screamed at it, until a pair of arms wrapped around her from behind. Rory's voice begged of her, "Katniss, be still. It's done now."

She struggled against him, but he held fast. Exhausted and flustered, her rage turned into tears and she slumped against him. Rory set her on the ground and sat next to her. They sat there together Rory sat silent while Katniss sobbed.

"I wanted to do that too when I first found out," he said after she'd cried herself out. "I was so mad at him. Last winter I left here thinking that my brother was among the best men who ever lived and now…now I consider him to be a scoundrel."

Katniss wanted to think of Gale as evil, but even in light of his infidelity, she knew he wasn't. She remembered her childhood best friend, a boy who did whatever it took to feed his family and the man who saved Peeta's leg and possibly even his life.

"He was a terrible husband," she admitted, "although he was a good brother and soldier." She looked at the headstone. All of her rage and fury she took out on it yielded very little result. The only visible damage was one small chip out of the corner.

Rory stood and offered her a hand. "We'd better get you home to your sister. You frightened Prim when you were nowhere to be found this morning." They began to walk to the house, arm in arm. Usually she wouldn't do such a thing, but she was so drained that she was thankful for the help.

Rory cleared his voice. "I take it that you went to see Johanna?"

"Yes, I saw her and Asher," she shared. "She truly has no kin?"

He was somber. "From what I understood, she was an orphan and worked as a servant for room and board. She worked for the man who became her husband. He compromised her and told her that she had to marry him or else he'd tell everyone that she was a harlot."

Katniss had a feeling that 'compromised' was synonymous for rape; such things were not unheard of. Her sympathy with Mrs. Mason was growing. "You did the right thing bringing them here."

"You believe that Asher belongs to Gale then?" Rory ventured.

"I will wait for Peeta to say for sure, but I am fairly certain that baby is your nephew."

"Is Mr. Mellark returning soon?"

"I hope so," she said wistfully.

"Prim said that you and he are close," he said kindly. "That is good. I have heard nothing but excellent things about him."

Her heart skipped a beat at the mention of his name. What she wouldn't give to have him here now, although she didn't know if she'd kiss or slap him when she saw him again for the first time.

**Peeta**

_Will this journey never end?_ Peeta wondered as the sun began to make its descent and he urged Demeter through a deep stream. He was within a few miles from the Hawthorne homestead, but there still did not seem to be an end in sight. Some of the fields that he had passed had corn bundled up in shocks and it only reminded him how long he'd been away.

For what must have been the hundredth time he read the telegram Katniss had sent him. Initially he had been thrilled to receive word from her, but after realizing how particular it was that she sent a telegraph instead of a letter, his instincts told him that there was something seriously amiss.  _If someone_ _were ill,_ _she would have said._

The moment he received the message he hastened his return to the Hawthorne homestead. Leaving his family would not be difficult, and he felt as if when he left them that it would be for the last time. They did not need him in anyway; they had their own lives and responsibilities. They had never been particularly close and the years and miles of distances had not changed that.

His oldest brother Bert was kind to him but he had a store to run and a family consisting of four children and a wife. His other brother, Johnny, hardly spoke to him, although his wife, Delly was uncomfortably friendly with Peeta. All she wanted to do was talk about old times, back when they had been sweethearts.

When his mother had passed, he had been shocked to learn that he'd been included in the will. He'd never been his mother's favorite, although he'd come to find that since he'd left that his brothers had lost her good opinion as well.

Albert had left the bakery and went out on his own and was never really forgiven for not carrying on the family trade. John stayed with the bakery but soon his lazy nature had it losing money and he took a job at his father-in-law's shoe shop. He and Delly had one child, which in private, old Mrs. Mellark accusedwas not any relation to her. When Peeta met his red-haired, brown-eyed nephew he suspected much the same, especially after seeing how flirtatious Delly was with not only him but with almost everyone that she came into contact with.

Peeta had been left the tidy sum of five hundred dollars, which was a shock to him. As a youth he'd always been led to believe that his family lived hand to mouth. He clearly recalled wearing holey shoes and clothes until he started using his meager allowance to buy his own. She'd never put anything more than a penny in the church collection plate and had never given to charity. She did all this in the name of thriftiness and took none of it with her to the next life. Now that she was gone, he could pity her.

In defiance of the stingy way he was raised, he couldn't resist the temptation to use some of his inheritance to buy gifts for his friends waiting for him in Seam. He bought bolts of fabric, balls of brightly dyed yarn, yards of ribbon and lace for the girls, and a set of pen knives for the Hawthorne brothers.

He smiled when he thought of the gift for Katniss that he carried in his coat pocket. It was a shell cameo broach set in gold. The finely wrought relief was in the image of two doves perching amongst flowers. The moment he saw it he knew that he wanted it to belong to Katniss. Peeta had seriously considered buying her a ring, but he thought that it was too presumptive given the way they parted.

The landscape became more familiar just before the sunset. Peeta came across the field where he first met Katniss, just a few months before. When he first arrived the field was empty and barren; now it was full of corn, nearly ready to be harvested.

Peeta thought that he was dreaming when he spied her standing at the edge of the field, wearing her faded blue dress and inspecting an ear of corn.

He urged Demeter where Katniss stood. When she lifted her head, he called out, "Excuse me, miss, could you direct me to the Hawthorne place?"

He dismounted horse and approached her. She gaped at him. "You're back."

He took off his wide-brimmed hat and told her, "I just got back. I got on the train first thing this morning. I would have been here sooner but it was delayed along the way."

No longer able to resist, he dropped the hat, moved towards her and scooped her up in his arms and kissed her. It was bold of him, he knew, but he wanted to kiss her before the others could interrupt them or before Katniss could think of reasons why they should not.

There was no hesitation in her return. Her hands were buried in his hair and she held him close. They stayed like this for many long moments and kissed, until Katniss suddenly halted and pushed herself out of his embrace.

"Peeta, stop," she insisted, suddenly sounding exasperated. "We have to talk."

"Katniss, what's wrong?" His heart sank at her tone. Upon closer examination, he saw that she looked like she'd not rested since the day that he'd left.

She turned from him and the words poured from her mouth. "Rory came home and he brought a Mrs. Mason home with him…along with a baby. Who she claims is Gale's child."

Peeta felt as if the wind had been knocked out of him. "A child?" he breathed.

"A baby boy," she elaborated. "There is a very good possibility that it is Gale's son, isn't there?"Katniss turned back to him, her expression was begging for him to deny it. As much as he wanted to he couldn't lie to her.

"Yes, there is. Katniss I am so sorry…" He searched for the words but none seemed appropriate.

Katniss stared at him. "So it is true, then. Gale was unfaithful. And you knew all this time and didn't tell me."

"Katniss, I…"

"I have too much proof of his guilt to question his innocence. Although what I do not know is," Katniss let out a sad sigh, "did you know that she was with child?"

"No, I had no idea," he promised. "I would have helped to take care of her if I had known."

"There is no one else that could have been responsible?"

"No, there was no one else that I know of and there weren't even rumors of there being a possibility of Mrs. Mason being connected in that way with any other soldiers."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Her voice warbled with hurt and she crossed her arms defensively.

"It was not my place, Katniss," he insisted. "What Gale did was wrong and I was angry with him for it. In fact, we hardly spoke in the last few days of his life. Although when I saw him bloodied on the ground, I overlooked his transgressions. Gale asked me to take care of his family and I did not think telling you of his sins would be beneficial to you in any way."

"I deserved to know!" she bit out.

"To know what?" he demanded. "That your husband was a jackass? You appeared to be well acquainted of that fact the day that I met you. Believe me when I say that I wanted to tell you, but I didn't want to hurt you any further than he already had."

"I understand why you acted so nobly," she said heavily. "Why do you have to be so unfalteringly good?"

"I am far from good," he said humbly. "And if I were, you say it as if it were a terrible flaw."

She looked at him and shook her head. "You make it hard for me to be angry at you."

"Do you want to be angry, or do you want to move on and be happy?" Peeta was confused; she was so contrary.

"I never would have sent for you if I didn't want to be happy," Katniss blurted out. "This is such a mess Peeta and I… for the first time in my life I don't know how to fix it."

He dared to approach her and reached out to cup her cheek. "Why do  _you_  have to?"

She buried her head in his shoulder and mumbled, "I'm so glad to have to you back."

Peeta put an arm around her and held her tight. "How is everybody?"

"Posy and Vick will be happy to see you. The last few days have been tense in the house. I think that Prim is even more upset than I am and Rory is on the receiving end of her wrath." Katniss told him. "You have a way of cheering up everyone and we need that right now. Prim is so beside herself in anger, I hardly know her."

They walked side by side on the path, with Demeter following behind.

Peeta wondered aloud, "Where is Mrs. Mason staying?"

"With Haymitch," she replied. "He enjoys her company too much for my liking."

Peeta had to smile. He could imagine that Haymitch would be a kindred spirit to the feisty Southerner. "I'm sure that they are keeping each other entertained."

"What was your impression of Mrs. Mason?" Katniss asked.

He thought for a minute or two. "I always thought despite her brash nature that she was a good person. She helped several escaped slaves get up north at great risk to herself and was always good to the soldiers. She shared everything down to her last stick of firewood."

Katniss suddenly changed the subject. "How was your trip?"

He gave her an abbreviated version of his trip, leaving out about what he'd been left in the will and how overly friendly Delly had been. Katniss listened as they walked. When he told her about his mother's death, Katniss took his hand and squeezed it. "I am so sorry," she offered at the end of his story. "Did your brothers even ask for you to stay longer?"

"No," Peeta nearly laughed. "They don't care about where I go or what I do. I could disappear and it would be years before they wondered why I didn't write anymore."

"If it is any consolation, you were very much missed here," she said sincerely.

"I was starting to wonder when I never received a letter."

"Peeta…I'm so sorry. I started nearly a dozen letters but they didn't seem right. I was so conflicted when you left."

"And now?" he asked hopefully.

"Now,"she gave an encouraging small smile, "I am certain."

The house was in sight and their conversation halted. The doors to the house opened and Posy rushed out followed by the rest of the family. Posy hugged his waist tight. Vick greeted him with a hand shake. A tired looking Prim embraced him and introduced Rory.

Peeta was struck by how much the young man looked like Gale. Rory gave him a firm handshake and said, "I'm pleased to finally meet you, Prim has told me so much about you."

While the adults visited, Vick and Posy attended to Demeter. "Peeta, what is all this?" Posy wondered looking at the loaded-down saddle.

"Gifts for everyone," he said proudly and began to loosen parcels from the saddle.

"Which can wait until after dinner," Katniss proclaimed with a slightly annoyed look on her face. Peeta knew that Katniss would not initially like that he'd brought gifts, but he hoped that she'd forgive him when she saw what he'd brought her.

Everyone squeezed around the table and enjoyed hot meal. After dinner, Peeta felt like Father Christmas handing out gifts. The brothers thanked Peeta for their knives. Prim and Posy marveled over the fabric and ribbons and already were making plans for dresses and curtains.

"Peeta, this is too much!" Katniss half scolded as she inspected a bolt of purple damask striped fabric.

"After all the kindness you've shown me, this is nothing. You are more like family now than my own family is." He thought briefly about giving her the cameo, but he knew that now was not the time. She had too much else on her mind.

Rory pulled Peeta aside and asked him if he wanted to join him outside for a smoke. He agreed and the men went outside.

The two men carried on a polite conversation. They were far from being strangers, having been told about each other for years, but they had never met before that day.

"Quite the mess my brother left for us to sort out," Rory said out of the blue. Peeta couldn't think of anything appropriate to say so he simply nodded. Rory took a long pull from the cigarette and said, in a low tone, "The thing that made me the maddest was when I read his letters. He told Johanna that if she came up pregnant that he'd marry her and go out west after the war. I'm telling you only because if I didn't share it with someone I think that I might burst. I don't want the others to know, not Katniss, not my brother or sister…and definitely not Prim. "

"Why tell me?" Peeta questioned.

"Because you knew Gale at his worst and you still felt compelled to keep your promise to him. That's the kind of man Katniss deserves. I suppose what I am saying is that when the time comes, I will give my blessing. Although with Katniss, what anyone has to say will have little effect on what she does when her mind is set."

"What her family thinks means the world to her," Peeta gently corrected. "Your blessing means much to me, also."

Storm clouds began to roll in and the men went back into the house. Peeta told the family about his journey, telling them about the stores the he'd visited and the sights he'd seen. He never imagined that a story about a funeral trip would be more entertaining then what had been going on there. But he realized that they all needed a little escape from current circumstances.

As the lanterns began to burn out and everyone headed for their beds, except for Katniss and Peeta. They sat across from each other. Peeta had so much that he wanted to say but knew that it was not the time for much of it.

"Katniss, can you forgive me for not telling you about what happened in Tennessee?" he asked in a soft tone.

"I know why you didn't," she looked up at him. "It wouldn't have changed anything and as you said, it was not up to you to tell me."

"I never meant to hurt you. It was the very thing that I was trying to avoid," he said with sincerity.

She nodded in reply. A clap of thunder shook the little house. Katniss reached across the table and gripped his hand, anchoring him to the here and now. "If you like, you can come to bed with me. It would be just like before." Her voice was soft and inviting.

"Would it be just like before?" he questioned cautiously.

She bit her lip, attempting to hold back a smile. "It will have to be. Rory is a light sleeper and an early riser. He might discover then we would be marched to the church before noon."

"Then I really ought to sleep on the cot. When we get married, I want it to be because we want to, not because we have to. I will be content knowing that you are safe and under the same roof."

"How have your nightmares been?"

"Since I left, my nightmares have been about losing you," he confessed. "That is my greatest fear now."

She rose and walked around the table to his chair and sat in his lap. "You cannot lose me. When you left, I thought that I might never see you again and I realized how much I need you. All I could think of was how much I love you and how I'd treated you so badly."

"Say it again," he requested, wanting nothing more than to here the affirmation again.

"That I treated you badly?"

"No, that you love me. I have been yearning to hear it for so long. I want to make sure that I heard it for real and that I wasn't imagining it."

Looking into his eyes she declared, "Peeta, I love you," and captured his lips with hers in a searing kiss. Peeta had never been so happy, all his past traumas and disappointments temporarily forgotten as he lost himself in her.

"I love you too," he rasped against her lips. He knew that if they continued that it would be nearly impossible to stop. To divert both her attention and his own, he reached into his pants pocket. He pulled out the small box and offered it to her. "I hope that you don't mind, but I got you something special while I was away. I didn't want to give it to you in front of the others."

With trembling hands, Katniss took the box and opened it. Her face was unreadable for a moment that seemed to last for ages. "Oh, Peeta," she gasped. "It's lovely…I don't know what to say."

"Say thank you and that you'll wear it often." He beamed.

She let out an uncharacteristically girlish giggle. "Thank you, Peeta." She took it from the box and proceeded to examine it. "I have never owned anything so beautiful."

"I hope to give you many beautiful things," he told her.

"Will you come with me to Haymitch's tomorrow?" She laid her cheek against his. "I feel braver when you are with me."

"Of course I will," he promised.

**Katniss**

The next morning Katniss was awoken to the clatter and excitement of her family's mourning routine. She remembered Peeta promised to hold her until she fell asleep, although she was certain that he'd drifted off before she did. Startled, she looked at the opposite side of the bed, afraid that Peeta would still be laying there and that they would be caught. But thankfully he was missing from the room and she felt a huge sense of relief. She was not ready to announce the nature of their relationship just yet and when they did tell the family she wanted it to be on her and Peeta's terms.

As quickly as she could, she put on her green dress and braided her hair. On the dresser the cameo pin that Peeta had given her sat. She was able to see the details much better in the daylight. She marveled of the pretty pair of doves set against the soft orange background, and knew that the color was in part why Peeta had been drawn to it. Carefully, she pinned it to her collar and smiled with pride when she looked in the cracked hand mirror.

When she opened the door she expected to see Peeta at the stove, resuming his old position as cook, but she only found Prim stirring grits.

Her face fell, although Prim gave her the first smile that she'd seen in days. "Don't look so disappointed. Rory, Vick, and Peeta went to go see how much damage the storm did last night. They will be back soon. I sent Posy for eggs."

"Oh," Katniss said lamely and found her apron and began to help her sister with the morning meal.

"What is that?" Prim gasped and turned her sister so that she could look at broach. Katniss explained that Peeta had given it to her.

"He has very good taste," Prim teased and returned to the stove. "I think that the first thing we should make with all that material Peeta brought is a new dress for you. You've never had a fine dress; it's high time that you had one. Now that you've stopped wearing mourning clothes, you will need some new outfits."

"What do I need a fancy dress for?" Katniss asked.

"Perhaps a wedding?" Prim suggested. "I know that it would make me happy."

"You and Rory set a date?" Katniss evaded the insinuation.

"No, I would like to get one more year of teaching salary and Rory has to get steady work. Even then, I am going to have to think long and hard about marrying him."

"What has brought this on?" Katniss was shocked to hear her sister speak thusly. While she had never been a supporter of the pair marrying so young, she never was unhappy with the thought of them being together. Prim and Rory were very complimentary couple. They were loving and respectful to one another.

"I cannot forgive him for bringing that woman and the bastard here." Prim's voice trembled with frustration.

Katniss took her sister by the hand. "Prim, he did what was right."

"How could you of all people think that? Especially after your…" Prim trailed off, too upset to mention Katniss's baby.

"I am trying not to think of the child as Gale's, but more as the grandchild that Hazelle wanted so much. These past few years have been so filled with death and sadness for everyone. The child is proof that life can begin again and that the people we love are never truly gone."

"So, you have forgiven Mrs. Mason so easily?"

"She did not know that Gale was married until things had  _progressed."_  Katniss had begun to have sympathy for Mrs. Mason, a lonely widow all on her own. Katniss knew that it if weren't for the constant presence of her family members that she might have given into temptation with Peeta long before. "Gale was the one who hurt me, not her, at least not intentionally."

Prim looked astonished. "He hurt you so badly. How can you forget all of this so soon?"

"Forgive and forget is what the good book tells us to do. While I haven't forgotten, I also don't want to dwell on it. I've spent enough time angry at Gale. If anything, my knowledge of Mrs. Mason has allowed me to let his memory go. I owe him nothing more now. I can go on with my life now."

Eventually, everyone came back for breakfast. Peeta sat next to Katniss and his hand found hers under the table. She felt her spirits lifting.

After breakfast, Vick and Rory went to see if Finnick needed any help preparing for the harvest. Prim and Posy were going to clean house. Peeta and Katniss hitched up the cart pony and drove to Haymitch's.

The trip was quiet. Katniss was too lost in her own thoughts.

"You make that brooch look even prettier," Peeta commented, drawing her from her ruminations.

"Thank you," she replied with a shy smile. "I adore it."

"What are you thinking about?"

"About what will happen to Mrs. Mason and Asher when they leave here," she confessed. "I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to raise a child alone, and with no family and friends to help."

Peeta gave her a warm expression and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close. When Haymitch's home was in sight they inched apart. An unexpected sight awaited them when they got there: Haymitch sat on his front porch in a rocking chair holding little Asher in his arms. He appeared to be having an animated conversation with the infant. He paused to welcome his guests, "Morning, sweetheart. Glad to see you back, Dutch boy."

"I'm happy to be back," Peeta replied. "I didn't know that you were so fond of babies."

"This one has grown on me," Haymitch grinned and looked at the child. "I think that we have a lot in common. We both need naps and get grumpy when we want a drink."

_And you both like his mother's bosoms,_ Katniss mentally added.

"I offered to watch him while his mother helps Seeder wash the dishes. The woman refuses to be idle and insists on helping around the house."

Mrs. Mason shouted from inside the house, "Haymitch, do you want another cup of coffee? There is still some left." She poked her head out the door and saw Katniss and Peeta. "Good morning, y'all. Nice to see you again, Mr. Mellark."

"Lovely to see you Mrs. Mason," Peeta said pleasantly. "It's almost been a year since I last saw you."

"A lot has changed in a year," Johanna commented and motioned towards her son. Katniss watched her closely. She knew that she ought to hate her but she could not.

Mrs. Mason caught her eye. "Good morning, Mrs. Hawthorne. I was wondering when I would see you again."

"Could you and I speak alone?" Katniss requested. "We could take a walk."

Mrs. Mason agreed and asked Haymitch to watch her son. He readily agreed.

Peeta gave Katniss a pointed look. She knew that he was asking if she was sure. She nodded in reply. The two women set off down the lane.

"I see that you have stopped wearing black," Mrs. Mason observed.

Katniss looked down at her green calico dress. "It didn't seem right to be in mourning anymore."

"I take it that Mr. Mellark confirmed my story?"

"He did." Katniss took a deep breath and confessed, "Although when I left here the day before last I knew that had Gale fathered your son."

"Mrs. Hawthorne, I regret causing you any pain." Mrs. Mason paused and lightly touchedKatniss's shoulder to stop her. "I never meant to hurt anyone, but I am afraid that I cannot be sorry for the life of my son, bastard or not. He is all I have in this world and I can't help but to be grateful for him."

"A child is never anything to be ashamed of," Katniss said softly and began to walk again. "God would not have given him life if he didn't have a purpose." They walked a few more yards and then Katniss asked, "Did you love Gale?"

"He was the first man that I ever wanted, somethin' between love and lust," Mrs. Mason said soberly."It all happened too quickly to know for sure." She had a sort of brash honesty about her that most people would be repulsed by, but Katniss could appreciate it, as much as she didn't care to admit it.

"Have you made any further plans as to what you will do yet?"

"Funny that you should ask. Mr. Abernathy has suggested that I spend the winter here." Mrs. Mason's voice was earnest. "But if you ain't comfortable with me being so near, I understand and will find somewhere that I can clean and cook in exchange for room and board."

As much as Katniss wanted this woman as far from her family as she could get her, she knew it would be difficult for Mrs. Mason on her own with a child. As much as she wanted to the living proof of her husband's infidelity far away from herself she could not exile a blood relative of Rory, Vick, and Posy's without a feeling of guilt. There was also the fact that winter had always been hard on Haymitch too. It was not uncommon for him to spend his days drinking when he couldn't call on his neighbors in bad weather.

After some consideration, she consented, "It is a free country, you may stay. He likes your company and Asher. It would be good for him."

"Thank you. I will not speak a word about Gale to anyone."

Katniss offered her a half smile.

"Now, let's get back to the house, it is well past breakfast time for Asher."

Withholding an eye roll, Katniss turned to go back to the house. Peeta was leaning against the railing and Haymitch was soothing the fussy baby when the women returned. He looked relieved when he saw Johanna. "I think he wants something only his mama can give him."

Katniss was thankful when Johanna picked her son up and took him into the house to nurse. Once Katniss was inside, she sat in the empty chair next to her old mentor. They talked about what neighbor had started harvesting and who would start next.

Katniss changed the course of conversation. "I heard that you may have a full house for a while."

"Would that bother you?" Haymitch asked.

"I don't know, I suppose it would be nice to know that the child was safe," Katniss said thoughtfully. She could not deny Haymitch what he obviously desired. His life hadn't been easy either. He was orphaned young and his wife had been his only family after that.

Peeta gave Katniss a kind smile, knowing how difficult it must have been on her.

"What if they were here indefinitely?" Haymitch questioned in a quiet voice.

"Do you mean what I think you mean? You've only known her a week!" she hissed in a whisper. "You don't know her well enough to think be thing of marrying her."

"I've not said a word to her yet, but I was thinking that it would solve a lot of problems. The baby wouldn't be a bastard, I would claim him and in a few years no one would remember that he wasn't really mine. I wouldn't be alone in this big house. Then, of course, the best part is that when I pass, Madge wouldn't inherit this place." Haymitch grinned cheekily.

"Haymitch this is all very fast. Shouldn't you think about it for a while?" Peeta interjected.

"Not everyone needs the perfect circumstances to make up their minds to get hitched. Not that I'm telling you what to do," Haymitch said, eyeing Katniss. "I'm at the age where I'd better act quickly or I might never get the chance."

**Peeta**

"Prim will be seething over this," Katniss remarked as they drove home.

"I surprised that you're not," Peeta responded.

"I suppose that other people's happiness and comfort is more important that my anger," she said, and laid her head on his shoulder. "Tell me about our house again. Give me something nice to think about."

He beamed as he told her about some of the details he'd been thinking over, talking for most of the trip. "Iam partial to the idea of built-inbookshelves around the parlor sitting room fireplace…The kitchen would be large. I saw a nice cast-iron stove in one of my brother's catalogs. We should get two, one for the summer kitchen too…I've seen a lot of new house have tall narrow windows, lots of them."

"So much for our 'modest' house," Katniss teased. "How are we to afford all this?"

Peeta was encouraged to hear that she was speaking of them sharing a home. He smiled at her and shared, "I actually have a little piece of news for you." He told her about his inheritance and about how he wanted to use it to build the house and to make some improvements around the farm. "I want to use it to make your life and ours better," he said in conclusion.

"You've made my life better just by being here with me." She pulled the reins from his hands and tugged them to halt the pony. "Let's get married."

"I thought that I was supposed to ask that," he mused. "Get down on one knee and ask your family."

"I don't care about any of that now," she said meaningfully.

"How soon would you like to get married?"

"As soon as the corn is in," she said after brief deliberation. "A cabin will only take a few days to build with several sets of hands. We set up room in the barn until it is done. I only want to be your wife. I don't want to wait anymore, I don't think can."

Katniss then tugged on his collar and her mouth collided with his, demonstrating how eager she was to be with him always.

He dared not to say it, but he shared in the sentiment too.  _I don't want to wait any longer either._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr as izzysamson.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I hope that you enjoyed the beginning of my newest fic, it was originally written for s2sl charity fund raiser. This story will be told in four parts and I hope to publish it all over the summer.
> 
> I would like to thank many special for helping to get this story off the ground; Streetlightlove for pre-reading and encouraging me, ackennedy7 for my lovely banner, to kismet for beta help, and most of all Court for cheering me through, beating and cracking me up with all her comments.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr as izzysamson, there I post previews and teasers for upcoming chapters and generally fangirl over Everlark.


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